What if You
by ber1719
Summary: Lena never believed that she could find love again after her childhood sweetheart, Robbie is killed. But can a charming officer break through her walls and let her experience love again? Nixon/OC Has a few surprises along the way, so don't be shocked! R
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_Walking down the aisle toward him she realized this single moment was the happiest of her life. Robbie, her own precious Robbie was waiting for her. His black hair shinning in the sunlight and when she was in front of him she saw tears shimmering in his blue eyes._

"_I love you Lena, now and forever. Our love will never die. I'll love you for the rest of my life and beyond."_

_Placing her hand on his face, "I've wanted this since we were children you are my life and without you I'm lost._

_His lips were against hers, her arms around his neck. Lifting his head he whispered her name, "Lena."_

_She was puzzled by the serious look on his face. "Lena, I need you to let me go. Please, let me go."_

_She felt him pull away. "Robbie, please don't go, Robbie…"_

"Lena damn it wake up." The hard shove pulled her away from the dream leaving unshed tears in her eyes.

Wiping her eyes she tried to focus on the person standing over her. "Look Lena, you need to take the next round of Currahee wounded. I've got a date and that idiot Sobel ran Easy Company up that hill again."

Lena nodded and brushed the loose hair behind her ears to give her hands something to do. The temptation to slap the young nurse was just too great. All the young girls were more interested in the men taking them out than taking care of them.

Taking her clipboard she moved into the treatment room to wait. She knew there would be at least two or three; there always was when they ran Currahee.

Her first customer arrived being supported between two men. Based off the way he was holding his foot off the floor she suspected a break or bad sprain.

"Okay gentlemen sit him down here and move out of the way. Okay, name, rank and serial number."

"You're kind of blunt aren't you?"

Lena looked up into the amused black eyes of the man sitting on the table. "Well sorry if asking you a simple question affronts you, but since your commander enjoys breaking soldiers and I don't have the time," taking a deep breath she leveled her eyes with his, "now if it wouldn't be too much trouble…"

The man on the table smirked and looked over at his red haired friend, "I think I like her Dick."

"Come on Nix, help her out." Dick looked over at the nurse and smiled, "Sorry he's easily distracted so I'll help him out. Nixon, Lewis, Lieutenant." Looking over at Nixon Dick raised an eyebrow.

Nixon sighed, "175-23-0950, you know Dick, you certainly know how to spoil my fun."

Setting the clipboard aside Lena knelt at his feet and began to carefully remove his shoe. Once she had his sock off gently she ran her fingers along the bones of his foot and around his ankle.

"That feels nice."

Lena looked up to see him watching her intently. "It just feels good because my fingers are cool. Alright nothing is broken; your ankle is just sprained. I'll wrap it and you can go back."

Nixon smiled at her again, "So that means I won't get any more of your warm bedside manner?" Laying a hand over his heart, "I just feel terrible about that. Because up till this moment, I've never had a woman treat me this way."

Lena snorted, "Like what, like you're not special? Well Lieutenant, you're just another soldier to me."

Lena turned her back on him and addressed her next comments to Dick, "Okay so I'm going to give him a profile, no walking or running for at least three days."

Dick nodded and followed her into the other room. "You know, I just want to apologize for Lew. He's normally not like that."

Lena smiled and extended her hand. "I'm sorry too, I was angry at someone else. My name is Lena."

Dick smiled and took her hand, "Dick Winters, friend of the man in the other room and also babysitter."

She laughed and picked up the wrap, "Yes well I can see that could be a full time job."

Dick laughed too, "Yeah he keeps me pretty busy."

Holding up the wrap, "well let me get his ankle wrapped and you can take him home."

Nixon frowned when Dick and the nurse came back into the room. He didn't hear what they were talking about but he'd heard Dick laugh along with her. He shook his head. What had he done to make her not like him?

He quietly watched as she carefully wrapped his ankle, she did have a very gentle touch. He watched the frown line appear between her eyes and suddenly had a great desire to use his finger to smooth it away.

"Okay Lieutenant you should be okay to walk a little on that."

Nixon smirked, he just couldn't help himself, "Why is it you can be nice to him," hooking a thumb in Dick's direction, "and you can't say anything nice to me?"

Putting her hands on her hips, "Well first off, he's not flirting with me and second he doesn't think the world revolves around him." Snatching the clipboard up, she smiled at Dick and left the two of them alone.

Smiling Nixon looked over at Dick, "Do I really act that way?"

Dick shrugged, "well you are rich." Both men laughed at the private joke.

"Come on Nix, you can come back tomorrow and apologize to the very nice lady."

"Oh Lena, I have something for you?"

Looking up she saw one of the nurses carrying a single daisy with a note. "Some guy just dropped this off for you, said you'd understand."

Laying the daisy on the table she opened the note.

_Sorry about yesterday. I hope this makes you smile since I couldn't_

_Nixon_

Picking up the daisy she twirled it between her fingers and this time she was smiling.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Nixon has somehow managed to hobble his way through the night march and now instead of going to his bunk, he was headed toward the clinic. He just wanted to see if she was there and then, then he would go to bed.

Feeling a little like a stalker he looked in the windows till he saw her sitting behind a desk. He could see that she was daydreaming and playing with her necklace. It had something attached but he couldn't see what it was at this distance. Frowning he looked at the desk she was sitting behind and saw the single daisy sitting in a test tube filled with water.

Smiling at the good sign he headed for the door of the clinic, suddenly not tired any more.

He actually made it to the office door without drawing her attention. She was looking down at whatever was on the necklace and Nixon couldn't believe the look of utter sorrow on her face.

"Knock, knock, what are you doing her so late?"

Lena quickly tucked her necklace back inside her shirt and frowned at her late night visitor. "Well I'm working what exactly are you doing?"

"Well you know I just came back from a little walk in the woods and thought I might drop by to see if you got my note?"

Lena pointed to the daisy on the desk and smirked. "Yeah, I got it. Was there something else you wanted?"

Nixon sighed; she was going to be a tough one, "Well I wanted to know if maybe you would meet me for lunch tomorrow?"

"Sorry I can't, I'm working." Her tone of voice offered no warmth or interest.

"Well I find that hard to believe, since you are here so late tonight." He scratched his head, "So you are busy huh?"

"That's right Lieutenant and now I think you need to go rest your ankle, unless you needed something else?"

"Uh, no I guess not. Enjoy the daisy." Turning he walked out of the clinic.

Frowning she watched him leave. He wasn't going to give up that easily. She had no idea why he was so interested in her. Smiling she touched the daisy with her fingertip. Well maybe it wasn't such a bad thing after all.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"You know, I want to know what you did to deserve lunch delivered to you?"

Lena looked up from the chart she was working on to stare at Marcie, who was standing with a tray in her hand. "Where did that come from?" She motioned with her pen toward the tray.

"Well, this gentleman dropped it off. He said he couldn't stay but this was for you."

Taking the tray she went into the other room. Frowning she saw the note.

_I know it doesn't look like much, but I didn't want you starving._

_Lew_

Smiling she picked up her fork and dug into what appeared to be noodles with ketchup on it.

It was another week before she saw him again, and as usual he just appeared.

"So still working hard I see. So are you going to tell me your name?"

She shook her head, "so does this mean you've not asked Dick?"

She watched his lips tighten before they relaxed back into a smirk. "Yeah well, I didn't realize I should ask him for your name. So why don't you just go ahead and tell me?"

Sighing, "Lena. Now you want to tell me why you're here?"

He gave her a full smile, "nice name. Actually I have a weekend pass and wanted to take you to diner and possibly a movie."

"Well sorry to disappoint you but I don't take weekend passes."

Nixon frowned, "yeah well seems you and Dick are the only ones who don't."

Giving him her little smirk, "hmm seems that Dick and I have a lot in common, maybe I should be talking to him?"

Nixon clenched his hands, "yeah well, you do that." Turning he walked away and left her confused as to what she had said that was so wrong.

Later that night she was sitting alone in her room she was trying to fight off sleep. She hated to sleep, the dreams always came and when they did it ripped off the scab from her heart making it bleed all over again. This was a wound that time wasn't healing.

Lewis Nixon, there was another problem. The man wasn't giving up. Couldn't he take a hint she wasn't interested? Even if he was charming, she wouldn't let him get to her. He wasn't Robbie, and she didn't think that anyone could take his place in her heart. Nor was she looking for a man that could.

Closing her eyes sleep took her along with the prayers for a dreamless night.

_His fingers brushed her cheek, his lips softly brushing against hers. "Lena, sweetheart why do you do this to yourself?"_

_She opened her eyes to meet his crystal blue ones. "Because I love you, we had a love that was to last forever, I can't let you go."_

_Robbie shook his head, "I loved you so much, but I'm gone and you're still alive, why do you hold on so tight? Look over there." Robbie waved a hand behind him. When she turned to look she saw Nixon standing silently watching._

_Turning back to Robbie the tears flowing down her face, this time Robbie's face was bruised and bloody as it had been the last time she'd seen him. "Why are you doing this? Why is he here? This is our time, Robbie."_

_Smiling sadly Robbie began to fade, "No Lena, our time is done, you have to stop doing this to yourself. I love you, but look to your future."_

He faded in the dream and in reality she jerked awake, the tears fresh on her face.

Hastily wiping them from her face she saw the light beginning to brighten outside. Robbie was telling her to move forward and while it hurt maybe she should try. Smiling she decided that today she'd go to lunch.

"Hi Dick, I'm not late for lunch am I?"

Dick turned and smiled, "No but I thought you would be eating with Nixon?"

Lena frowned, "yeah well he acted like I'd done something wrong yesterday and I guess I wanted to have lunch with someone not as hostile."

Dick shrugged, "Lew's friendly I just think you guys got off to a bad start."

Grabbing a tray they found empty seats and began to eat. Friendly silence settled between them, only to be disturbed by a tray slamming down next to Dick.

"Well isn't this interesting. I ask for a week for you to have lunch with me and you turn me down. Yet today I find you having lunch with my best friend."

Both Dick and Lena stared at Nixon strangely. Dick managed to find his voice first, "well funny thing, Lena found me."

Nixon turned his black eyes to her, the smirk not reflecting any warmth, "Is that right? And here I was thinking you never ate."

She looked between the two men and frowned, "Well thanks for lunch Dick; I'll talk to you later."

Nixon watched her leave and turned on Dick. "Well, do you mind telling me what you're doing? I told you I liked her and here I find you with her."

Dick held up his hands, "Hang on Nix. She and I are friends, and if you hadn't been such a jerk I could have told you she was actually looking for you." He shook his head at Nixon's look, Tthat's right you blew it again. Now if I were you, I'd go and find her."

Nixon jumped from the table so fast he knocked his chair over. "Uh, okay, uh sorry Dick, I'll talk to you later."

Jerking the door open to the clinic her bad mood was made worse by Marcie handing her orders.

"This is so great, we're being transferred to London. I can't wait, Toccoa was getting boring."

Lena took a deep breath and tried to ignore Marcie. She was being successful till she heard Marcie purr beside her. "Well hello, it's so nice to see you again."

Lena looked up to see Nixon standing in the doorway. "What are you doing here? Come to make more accusations?"

Nixon blushed, "No I came to talk to you, alone if I could."

Marcie pouted and moved past Nixon sliding her hand down his arm. "Well I'll leave the two of you alone. See you around, I hope."

Lena felt her hand twitch with the desire to slap Marcie. Damn why did she let the girl get to her? Crossing her arms over her chest she looked at Nixon and waited.

Lew couldn't remember the last time he was nervous talking to a woman. Shifting his weight between feet he tried to find the right words. "Look, I'm sorry. It's just I've been trying to get to know you and I guess I went a little stupid when I saw you sitting with Dick."

Smiling slightly, "a little stupid, try more like a lot stupid. However I accept your apology. I guess I can see your point, but let this be a lesson to you."

"Lesson learned," he replied with that devilish smirk, " So now that we agree how about that dinner and movie?"

"I can't." Sighing she handed him the orders. "It's not because I don't want to, it's because I'm going to be leaving soon."

Handing them back to her he sighed, "So I guess I'm never going to see you again am I?"

"Well if you head to Europe you will," shrugging, "Maybe."

He gave her a smile, "You're right, I've got a fifty-fifty chance. Hey, I'll write to you, if you want me too?" He suddenly looked so unsure of himself. It made Lena remember her dream and she decided that maybe it wouldn't so bad after all giving Lew a chance.

Lena smiled, "That would be really nice I think."

**Okie dokie, the Nix/OC story I promised all of you. And it's not just a project from me. Captain ty wrote it all up. Yep, every chapter! So, give her a huge round of applause, because this is just as much her work of art as mine. Possibly even more so. All I really did was add a few touches to this chapter. And I brainstormed ideas. The plot was my idea originally but she made it way better than I ever thought it could be. So, we really hope you enjoy this story as much as we did. **

**Story title is from the song, "What If You" by Joshua Radin. It's so good and as the story progresses, I think you'll find that it starts to apply more and more. Okay I'll stop rambling now. And please please review if you have the time. We'd really appreciate some feedback from you guys. Thanks a lot! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_London, Summer 1943_

"Lena, you've got mail. Hey, I thought you didn't have any family?" Marcie was looking at her letters like they were poisonous.

She grabbed the letters out of Marcie's hand. "I never said anything, you just assumed. Oh since you're here, you can take bed pan duty."

Marcie started to whine and Lena raised an eyebrow cutting her off. She no longer had to say anything. She'd threatened to send Marcie home if she didn't behave; the threat so far seemed to be working.

Looking at the letters she saw one from her brother Frank and the other was from Nixon, this was the second one she'd gotten from him and was excited to read it.

_Lena,_

_It was great to get your letter and I'm glad you are enjoying London. Well except for the air raids._

The rest of the letter gave her news about Dick and training but also about how he was feeling and doing. She felt closer to him after these letters than she would have thought possible. The last few lines caught her attention.

_I look forward to seeing you soon. I miss you very much and long to spend time getting to know you better. Take care of yourself._

_Love,_

_Lew_

Did he mean anything by the love or just something he wrote? Refolding the letter she put it in her pocket and pulled out a sheet of paper. She'd return his letter even before she read Frank's.

It was later that night before she opened her brother's letter. The first line made her regret even opening it.

_Lena, what do you think you're doing even thinking about another man? My God Robbie has only been gone 2 years this December, yet your last letter went on and on about this Nixon character. _

_Now I know you are lonely, but I really think you need to consider what you're doing._

She stopped reLenang. Her brother was a sweet man, but sometimes she really wanted to kill him. Robbie had been his best friend and she knew he wasn't ready to accept someone new in her life.

Sighing she sat down to return his letter; careful this time that she said nothing about Lew.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_Aldbourne-September 1943_

She was doing her best to wait patiently, but she wasn't having much success. She found out last month they were moving to Aldbourne to support an increase in troops and then just last week, she'd found out it was the 101st coming.

Now the men had arrived and she'd sent Marcie to find out where they were. She was going to hurt the girl if she didn't get back soon.

"Alright, I found them." Marcie quickly told her where to go, so she left Marcie and set out to find Nixon.

She was lucky when she found Dick and Nixon together. "Hey guys, I can't tell you how happy I am to see you."

Dick and Lew turned at the same time but only one of them gave her the reaction she had been expecting.

Dick smiled warmly, "I didn't realize you were here."

Casting a look at Nixon who'd turned his back on her she frowned. "Yes, well I only arrived last month and found out yesterday you were coming."

Nixon turned to Dick, "I'll see you later Dick. I need to take care of some stuff at regiment."

Putting her hands on her hips she watched him leave. Turning back to Dick, "okay what did I do now? I thought we'd made real progress."

"Why didn't you write him back?" Dick calmly asked.

"Dick I did write him, I wrote back the same day I got the letter." Her eyes narrowed and for a moment Dick thought he was going to catch hell, but then just as quickly her face cleared.

"Well if he wants to be childish so be it. I'll be at the clinic when he grows up."

"Nixon you need to talk to her. She told me she wrote you back."

Nixon snorted and went back to the book he was reLenang. "Sure she did, that's why I got it."

Dick rubbed his neck, "Lew why would she lie to me? Think about it before you do anything else stupid."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Is this seat taken?"

Lena looked up at Dick and motioned to the empty seat next to her.

Dick hadn't seen her in a couple of weeks, but to his knowledge she and Lew still hadn't spoken. When he'd seen her sitting here alone he'd noticed how sad she looked. Now he noticed that she was playing with something on her necklace and staring into space.

Laying his hand over hers, "Lena, you okay? Hey, what's that on your necklace?"

Her eyes met his, hers full of unshed tears. "It's nothing and I'm fine." She turned her eyes away from his.

He felt the tear drop on the back of his hand. "Lena, you don't have to tell me, I'm always here so whenever you're ready." He decided to try to change the topic, "So have you and Lew talked?"

She laughed, "No. I guess he still thinks I'm guilty of not writing. You know it's really too bad, I really was starting to like him."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Dick walked into regiment and tossed the letter on the desk in front of Lew. "Well I think you are in big trouble, take a look at that."

Nixon picked the letter up and looked over the front. The date it left England clearly marked as well as the first miss ship along with all the marks showing it had been forwarded several times to finding him here. "Damn, she wasn't making it up was she?"

"Nix I tried to tell you, she wasn't lying. Now how do you plan on making this up?"

"I don't know, but I'm going to read the letter and then go see her."

Lena had no idea what she was doing; she was so exhausted she couldn't think. When she closed her eyes to sleep, Robbie and Nixon had begun to haunt her, Robbie telling her she should forgive him and Nixon telling her she was wrong. She had to find peace; she had to find some way to sleep.

The dreams of Robbie had begun to haunt her even in her waking hours; she could have sworn she saw him yesterday. Reaching up she began to rub the locket, next month he would be gone two years, that was the only explanation for her seeing him everywhere.

She was so lost in her own thoughts that when she ran into someone she didn't even register it but kept moving.

"Well hey sister, next time I'll make sure I'm out of your way." The voice made her turn and face the man. She had no idea what he saw on her face but it was enough to have him apologizing.

"Ah gees lady, I'm sorry I didn't mean anything by it, I'm, well hell are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah it was my fault really; guess my mind was somewhere else." She gave him an small smile and started to turn when he grabbed her arm.

"You know I really think you could use a drink. Me and some of the boys was heLenan' down to the pub. How about joining me?"

Her mouth opened to say no when the voice that plagued her dreams whispered in her mind, _go ahead, join them, this is what you need, it'll be fun._ Cocking her head to the side she smiled, "Sure I'll be there. But I don't even know your name. I'd hate to go to the pub with a perfect stranger." His charming smile made her grin further. His good mood was infectious.

"Bill Guarnere, or Wild Bill if you prefer. See tonight toots." She stood and watched Bill walk away; she could honestly say that was the first time anyone had called her toots.

When she got to the bar she quickly realized she wasn't tall enough to find anyone. Pushing and shoving she made her way to the bar and managed to order a beer. Sighing she turned to face the room hoping that Bill would find her. After all she'd dressed for the occasion leaving her auburn hair flowing down her back, hell she'd even gone to the effort to put on her best dress and heels.

Closing her eyes she prayed and willed what she'd just seen to go away. She just knew when she opened her eyes the image would be gone. Yet when her eyes opened it was still there.

Lew and Marcie were sitting very close at a table for two and if the fact Marcie was practically in his lap was any indication they were getting along very well. Growling low in her throat she turned her back on the room.

"Ah hell!" The mirror behind the bar was reflecting the image so there was no escape. Watching them in the mirror she felt her chest tighten when Marcie leaned in to whisper something in Lew's ear. She bet he smelled good, it looked like he'd shaved recently.

She slammed her hand down on the bar so hard she drew the attention of the two men next to her who looked at her strangely but remained silent. Shaking her head she had to be insane. What was she doing thinking about what he smelled like? Why did she care if Marcie was trying to undress him in public? Reaching inside her dress she pulled the locket out rubbing it and closing her eyes, this was such a mistake.

_You're afraid to feel aren't you Lena? It's easier to hide behind the pain of my death, that's why you rub that locket when you begin to feel insecure._

She grabbed either side of her head in frustration. "Stop talking to me, just stop."

"Hey toots, I've not even said anything yet, but come on over and join the boys."

Jerking her head up she met the amused eyes of Bill. "Sorry I guess I was talking to myself out loud. Glad you found me though, I was beginning to think I was on my own."

"What a good lookin' dame like you on her own? Never. So like I said, some on over and meet the boys."

Lena followed Bill over to a table that unfortunately faced the one that Lew and Marcie were sitting at.

Bill quickly introduced the men at the table their names she barely heard or acknowledge them. What finally got her attention was Bill elbowing her in the ribs, "Hey toots, so you got a name?"

Lena smirked, "what getting tired of toots? Lena, that's my name. So anyone going to buy me a drink?"

Joe Toye stood, "I got this one."

Bill gave her a funny look then glanced over at the table across from them. He'd noticed that she would stare at Nixon and then when she looked away he would stare at her. Something was definitely going on here.

So Bill decided to break the ice, "so you got eyes for Lieutenant Nixon?" He said it loudly enough there was no way Nixon couldn't have heard in fact she was betting the entire bar heard the question.

Glancing up she met Lew's dark eyes, amusement and something else reflected there and quickly dropped hers. She could feel the blush rising in her cheeks. "Gee thinks Bill for embarrassing the hell out of me." Slapping his arm playfully she quickly diverted his attention back to the card game.

When she stole a glance back at Nixon he was watching her intently and was ignoring Marcie. He gave her a slight smile when he caught her eye, then took Marcie's hand and led her from the table and out of the bar. Lena wasn't sure if the smile meant something good or not, but she was going to take it as a positive sign.

When she staggered home Marcie still wasn't there and it drove another stab of jealousy through her. Maybe she would have to send her home after all. Contemplating the pain and suffering she could inflict on Marcie she dropped her dress and shoes, electing to collapse onto the part in just her underwear, hoping that the liquor would stop the dreams.

_His hands ran through her hair, his breath on her ear, "I love your hair, I've always loved your hair."_

_She laughed and wrapped her legs around his waist, "and I love you, especially your lips, now why don't you bring them down here."_

_Hips lips were soft and warm, the kiss full of passion. Her hands slid up his back into his hair. His lips slid from hers and across her jaw and down her neck. _

_She let one hand reach up to grab his hair and the other to cup his face, "Please Robbie, stop teasing."_

"_I'd never tease you." _

_Opening her eyes at the voice that wasn't just right she found herself staring into warm __chocolate eyes instead of the crystal blue she expected._

"_Lena, what's wrong baby?"_

_Opening her mouth she screamed Robbie's name having found herself staring into Lewis Nixon's eyes._

Grabbing her chest she sat up in the bed breathing hard, her hair curling around her face damp with sweat. Rubbing the locket she dropped back into the bed. The dreams had to stop, she had to sleep. Looking at the window she could see the light barely rising. From downstairs she heard the door open and close, the sounds of someone coming up the stairs ringing in her sensitive ears. The door across the hall opened and closed, making Lena grip the locket tighter. The pain of hearing that door close was more than she was ready to admit, even to herself.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_Lena, I wanted to send you this letter because I know that the 1__st__ of December is going to be hard for you and I wish I could be there to help you. I'm so glad you seem to have let this Nixon go. Good for you. I don't think he would be someone Robbie would have approved of._

Lena crumpled the paper in her hand, unable to read any more. She didn't let Nixon go, he'd let himself go. Looking at the calendar she realized it was the first of December. Christ and the hits just kept coming.

First she'd had to listen to Marcie go on and on about how wonderful Nixon was and now she was face to face with Robbie's death. God, could anything else be so cruel.

Grabbing her notebook she left the office not telling anyone where she was going. For once she needed someone who wouldn't second guess her and would just listen. Reaching down into her t-shirt she took the locket out and put it outside the t-shirt.

She finally found out that Dick was down at the company headquarters and made her way there, somehow avoiding all the men. When she found him, he was standing outside a building looking up at the sky like the entire weight of the world rested on his shoulders. Pausing for a moment she was reluctant to approach him, not wanting to add to whatever was bothering him.

As she moved to turn away from him he turned and saw her standing there looking lost. "Lena, is there something wrong?"

Without realizing what she was doing she reached up to the locket to rub it, "I…I didn't want to bother you. I'm sorry, I'll go."

Dick's hand on her arm stopped her, "no don't go, what's wrong?"

Opening and closing her mouth she just couldn't find the words. Dick seemed to realize her reluctance to speak in the open and pulled her into a building next to the one he'd just left. Putting a hand under her chin he lifted her face. "Lena, tell me what's wrong. You know you can talk to me."

The tears came freely now, "I'm sorry it's just today…today is the day and I don't have anyone. Please Dick."

She fell into his arms and cried, and all he could do was hold her and stroke her back. "Lena, please talk to me."

Her face was still pressed against his chest, "I was married, today is the anniversary of my husband's death. He's been gone two years today." Pulling back she opened the locket and showed the picture to Dick. "We had known each other since childhood and we'd only been married a year when he was killed in a car wreck. Oh God Dick, it hurts so badly."

She fell against his chest crying and he held her and petted her back. The door opening only disturbed one of them. Dick looked up and saw Nixon standing at the door with a look that was somewhere between confusion and anger. Dick lifted his hands and tried to show he really wasn't holding her.

The slamming of the door lifted her head from his chest. "I just caused you problems didn't I?"

Dick sighed, "No, but the two of you really need to talk."

"Dick, I have no time for anyone who acts like a child over a letter. Thank you, I've got to get back."

Dick grabbed her arm, "You don't have to go."

Smiling she cupped his cheek in her hand, "Yes I do, I won't come between you and your best friend. Thank you Dick, you really are a wonderful man."

Dick watched her leave, thinking all the while about how fragile she was and how much effort it would take on Lew's part to fix things once again.

**Okie dokie...as promised the second chapter of this wonderfully amazing story. I'm really hoping that you guys are enjoying this so far. I got three reviews I think for the first chapter. Huge thank you to captain ty, Smeeeedy, and AivieEnchanted for reviewing. **

**And of course, another HUGE shout-out to captain ty who wrote out this brilliant masterpiece. I made a few adjustments, but it's mostly all her genius. So, if you have the time, we'd really love some feedback. Thank you so much guys for reading. **

**Oh! And I forgot to put a disclaimer on the last one...But we are in no way, shape, or form trying to disrespect those amazing soldiers on which this story is based. We only own Lena and Robbie and Frank. Oh and Marcie, but I'm finding it harder and harder to lay claim to her as the chapters progress. lol**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_The slamming of the door lifted her head from his chest. "I just caused you problems didn't I?"_

_Dick sighed, "No, but the two of you really need to talk."_

"_Dick, I have no time for anyone who acts like a child over a letter. Thank you, I've got to get back."_

_Dick grabbed her arm, "You don't have to go."_

_Smiling she cupped his cheek in her hand, "Yes I do, I won't come between you and your best friend. Thank you Dick, you really are a wonderful man."_

_Dick watched her leave, thinking all the while about how fragile she was and how much effort it would take on Lew's part to fix things once again. _

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

By the time she'd walked back to the clinic she'd calmed herself enough to enter without slamming the door behind her. Unfortunately the sight that greeted her sent her anger spiking.

Marcie and Nixon were standing together outside the supply closest. That in itself wasn't what made her angry. It was the fact his tie was undone and his lips were just a little too pink.

Lifting her eyebrow she managed to keep her voice level, "Marcie I'm glad you're here. I need you to take that box of supplies over to the medics in the 82nd, they were asking about them."

Marcie opened her mouth like she was about to speak and then thought better of it when she saw the look on Lena's face. Instead she turned and tugged on Nixon's tie, "So I'll see you later then."

Lena watched Marcie leave before turning her attention back to Nixon. "You know, I would appreciate it if you took your games elsewhere and didn't bring them into the clinic.

Nixon smirked, "Yeah well I also would have enjoyed not walking in on you groping my best friend too, but I guess not all of us get what we want."

Lena frowned and dropped her eyes, she wasn't going to fight. "Have a nice day Lew; I've got work to do."

"Let me ask you something Lena; were four men not enough for you last night? You now had to go after my friend? What did I do to you to make you go after my friend?"

Lena shook her head, "Sometimes you amaze me with your stupidity. You have the gall to call me out on being in the arms of another man, who has only ever been a friend to me? How would you feel if I told you that it was the second anniversary of my husband's death?" She cocked her head the side and surveyed him. "That's why you found us like that. So, don't come here expecting me to apologize. You should be the one apologizing." Turning she walked out of the clinic, not caring where she was going just needing to get away from him.

Nixon stood staring at the door. Rubbing his face he realized that he had screwed up so badly this time there might not be any hope of fixing it. He really had to get some control over his mouth. Frowning he headed for the door. He'd heard Bill ask her if she had eyes for him and he'd seen the blush on her face so he knew it was true. Nope, he wasn't going down without a fight.

When Marcie returned to the clinic she found Lena in the supply closest conducting inventory. "You know if you wanted him, you should have said something before."

"I wasn't aware that I wanted him, maybe you're mistaken," Lena said, barely able to keep her hands steady on the clipboard she was holding.

Marcie shrugged, "Yeah keep telling yourself that, but you need to understand, he asked me out again tonight and I accepted. So I guess we have ourselves a little competition." Marcie surveyed her nails and then assessed Lena from head to toe, "Not that it will be much of a fight." The contempt she felt for the other woman clear in her voice.

Lena laid the clipboard down, knowing that her careful control was slipping and that she was going to chuck it at the other woman's head if she didn't get it out of her hands. "You know, you're right, it's not going to be much of a fight. Especially when only one of us is willing to fight in the first place. You can have him as far as I'm concerned." Walking past Marcie she stopped and patted her on the shoulder, "Good luck with that. You're going to need it."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Standing in front of the mirror, she took another look at herself trying to decide if she looked okay. She had no idea why she was doing this other than she couldn't sit in this room alone. Not tonight; any night but tonight.

Running the brush through her hair she let it fall softly around her shoulders and tied a green ribbon around her head to hold her hair off her face. The red lipstick was subtle but enough to draw attention to her lips. And the emerald colored dress would draw attention to her curves. The color also drew out the amber shades in her eyes. Not too bad if she said so and she did.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and desperately tried to steady herself. After all how hard could this be?

"_You know I always thought you looked best in green."_

Opening her eyes she saw Robbie standing behind her in the mirror watching her intently. "I know it was your favorite color on me, but I have to admit, I always liked it too.

_The hair on her neck was brushed aside, the breath caressing it a moment before his lips brushed her ear. "What are you doing sweetheart? I know I told you to let me go, but hey I died today, you couldn't have picked another day?"_

The words weren't harsh and when she met his eyes in the mirror she could see he was amused, not angry. "Yes well today seemed as good as any other."

"_Ouch baby, I know why you're doing this…he pissed you off. You know regardless of what Frank says, I like him. He doesn't make it easy for you and sometimes I think I made it too easy for you."_

"Hmm, yes, you gave me everything didn't you?" Blinking her eyes he was gone when she opened them. "Everything except staying alive." Picking up her purse she left her room and headed for the bar.

Dick saw her the minute she entered the bar and was grateful he wasn't drinking anything. Otherwise, he might have choked. Looking over at Lew who had Marcie sitting on his lap he smiled. Oh yes, tonight was going to be fun. "So Lew, uh, you might want to look over at the door."

He watched Nixon's eyebrows met in the middle then one lift. Turning he looked back at the door. Dick at that moment would have given anything to see the look on his face.

Lena was standing at the door, one hand on her hip and cocked to the side. Between that green dress and those curves most of the conversation had stopped around her. Dick tried not to burst out laughing when Nixon turned back to face him with a shocked expression on his face.

"Well I would have never suspected she looked like that under her ODs." Dick did laugh when Marcie punched Nixon in the arm to gain his attention back. Meanwhile, Bill Guarnere slid up to Lena's side, wrapped an arm around her waist and dragged her over to a table.

For the first time in years Lena was happy. She swore she'd dance with every man in Easy at least once, twice for several of them. Finally sitting down she smiled at Buck, "I just need a minute, and my feet are killing me."

Buck leaned over and grabbed her leg pulling her foot into his lap. Sliding her shoe off he began to massage her foot. Smiling he watched her head drop back and a moan close to something sexual escaped her lips.

"So I can take that you like this?"

"Oh yes, that is wonderful and you can stop sometime tomorrow." Lena closed her eyes and enjoyed Bucks hands wrapping around her foot and rubbing slowly and sensually.

Across the room Dick thought Nixon was going to have a heart attack where he sat. He was almost amused when Nixon pushed Marcie off his lap and turned to face Dick. "So I guess I'm screwed huh? What am I going to do?"

Dick shrugged, "Well you could start by getting her off your lap, then go over and ask the woman to dance."

Nixon's looked between Dick and Lena, finally nodding his head. "That's a great idea."

Moving over to Buck's side, Nixon tapped him on the shoulder. "Buck, you mind loaning her out for a dance?"

Buck stopped rubbing Lena's foot and smiled up at Nixon, "Well it's Lena's choice. What do you say Lena?"

Lena leaned over and put her shoe back on, "Sure why not?" Putting her hand in Lew's she let him lead her out to the dance floor and pull her into his arms.

As the music began to play she felt herself relax, more out of exhaustion than actual tension leaving. She felt his breath against her ear, "I'm sorry Lena, I've been a real jerk, please forgive me?"

The shiver passed down her spine as he pulled her closer, she could feel his arousal against her. Doubt swelled within her and she found it hard to concentrate for a moment with the sensations she was feeling, "Well I think we can be friends Lew, but I'm not sure about anything else right now. Can we just try not to yell at each other?"

She felt his chuckle deep in her chest, "Yeah we can do that. You look very nice tonight by the way. Green is your color."

Lena didn't respond but laid her head on his chest, her nose buried in his neck. She'd been right the other night, he did smell wonderful. Sighing against his neck she closed her eyes and tried to remember a different time.

Too quickly the song ended and she pulled away from him. "Thanks for the dance, have a nice night Lew." Without looking at him she moved over to the table and resumed her conversation with Buck. She couldn't help but glance at Nixon out of the corner of her eye as he returned to the table with Dick.

Buck watched her glance over at Nixon who had Marcie in his lap again. It looked like he was trying to explain what had just happened out on the dance floor. Chuckling he looked over at Lena who was watching the scene at the other table. "So Lena, let me ask you something. You really got it bad for Nix don't you?"

The blush that colored her cheeks gave her away immediately. "Well I might be just a little interested, not that it does me any good. I think he's more interested in the one currently sitting on his lap."

Buck glanced over at Nixon to see that while he might have a woman in his lap; his full attention was on the lady sitting with him. "Hmm, well you know I think I might be able to help you out."

"Yeah, what are you going to do, go knock her off his lap and demand he pay attention to me?" She laughed as she said it because the thought of Marcie ending up on her ass in the floor had a great appeal to her.

"Nope I think we need to take more drastic measures. Just go with this okay."

Before she could respond Buck had pulled her into his lap, burying his face in her neck. To anyone from the outside it looked very passionate, in reality Buck was chuckling against her neck, "What's he doing now?"

Putting her hands in Buck's hair she leaned down to say something and looked over at Nixon from under her eyelids. "Well if looks could kill, you'd be dead. Hmm, now that's interesting, now Marcie just pulled his head around and kissed him."

Buck let her sit up, "Why don't you and I go somewhere more private?"

Meeting his eyes she saw him wink, "I'd love to, why don't you come back to my room."

The entire conversation was said louder than necessary and ended up having the desired effect. Lewis Nixon was an unhappy man. He knew she'd said they could be friends but now she was leaving with Compton, both of them holding onto each other like lovers.

Glancing over at Dick he was made even more uncomfortable with the smile on his face. Dick raised an eyebrow at Nixon and to him that look said exactly what he knew Dick was thinking…_I told you so Lew._

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Humming to herself she finished rounds and practically danced into the supply room. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this good. Buck had ended up carrying her home because her feet hurt so badly, and she'd slept the entire night without dreaming.

She hadn't even realized she was humming till one of the other nurses had passed her on rounds and asked her the name of the song. It was then she'd realized she was still humming the song that had been playing when she'd danced with Lew

She'd been so lost in the song she never heard him come in till he said something, "Well I can see that you had a good time last night if you're this happy this morning."

Turning quickly, she saw him leaning against the door frame with a smirk on his face. Frowning she pushed past him. She had to stick with the plan Buck had outlined for her and step one was to not be overly friendly.

"Well you know how it is. If you're looking for Marcie she isn't here yet. Apparently she was out later than me and couldn't seem to wake up this morning."

He frowned, "No actually I wanted to talk to you."

She made a non-committal noise and moved away from him.

"Yeah well I thought since we were going to try and be friends we could just talk."

With every step she took he took another one trying to stay close to her. She really didn't say anything but he got the feeling she wished she was somewhere else. "Hey, what's wrong Lena, don't you want to talk to me?"

Keeping her eyes down she sighed, "Well, in case you haven't noticed, Lew, I'm trying to work and since your dating keeps me a nurse down I tend to be a little busy."

"Okay I get that, so would you like to go out with me on Friday night? I mean that way you won't be working and maybe we could sit and just talk. You know like friends. Nothing serious, just drinks."

"Hmm, I'll think about it and let you know Lew."

Nixon was getting tired of this. He'd been nice. He'd apologized and now when he was working to be friends she was giving him the cold shoulder. When she tried to move past him again he grabbed her arm and pushed her into a wall.

He stood and just stared at her for a moment, finally he spoke, "So are you still mad at me because I've been such an ass?"

Keeping her eyes focused on the floor she could feel her pulse race. The feel of him this close brought feelings she had been denying to the surface. Taking a breath she finally managed to speak, "No I'm not mad at you anymore."

Feeling frustrated that she wouldn't even look at him, he grabbed her chin and forced her head back so she was finally looking him in the eye. "That's good because I really did mean what I said. I don't want you to be angry with me anymore."

When he finished the statement he released the pressure on her chin and realized she didn't look away or move her head. Her amber colored eyes had darkened to the color of Vat 69. Funny how he'd never noticed that before. Dropping his eyes he saw her lick her lips and if that wasn't an invitation he didn't know what was.

Lena felt her heart race; she couldn't look away from his eyes. The sincerity of his feelings were clear, but when he finished she saw something else in his eyes, something that held her hypnotized. The passion in his eyes was there, just as it had been in the dream. She saw his eyes drop to her lips and couldn't stop herself from licking them in anticipation. She saw a smirk cross his lips and felt his hand move to grip her neck.

Lew saw his chance and ran his hand behind her neck to hold her in case she changed her mind and slowly lowered his head toward hers. He could feel her pulse under his thumb and was thrilled to feel it racing.

Lena saw him leaning down and let her eyes slide close. She could feel his warmth surround her and could only hope this would be as good as it had been in the dream.

**Wonderful chapter if I do say so myself, which I do. Hehe who else loves Hoobler for giving us that awesome line? I know I do. **

**Of course, a HUGE shout-out to captain ty who wrote out this brilliant masterpiece. I made a few adjustments, but it's mostly all her genius. So, if you have the time, we'd really love some feedback. Thank you so much guys for reading. **

**We are in no way, shape, or form trying to disrespect those amazing soldiers on which this story is based. We only own Lena and Robbie and Frank. Oh and Marcie, but I'm finding it harder and harder to lay claim to her as the chapters progress. lol**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_Lew saw his chance and ran his hand behind her neck to hold her in case she changed her mind and slowly lowered his head toward hers. He could feel her pulse under his thumb and was thrilled to feel it racing. _

_Lena saw him leaning down and let her eyes slide close, she could feel his warmth surround her and could only hope this would be as good as it had been in the dream._

****

"Alright so I'm here you can stop sending your goons to wake me up. What the hell is going on here?"

Lena's eyes popped open when she heard Marcie's voice. Surprised, she watched as Lew jumped away from her as if she'd done something wrong. She was even more stunned as he turned to face Marcie with a smile on his face. "Sweetheart, it's not what it looks like."

Marcie's face was bright red with rage, "Really, it's not what it looks like huh? Well then why the hell is she blushing?" Marcie turned on Lena so quick she didn't have time to react.

"You lying slut, you told me you didn't want him. And I come in here to find you trying to seduce him." Lena saw Marcie raise her hand to slap her and didn't move to stop her. Her guilt over forgetting her dead husband made her believe she deserved it.

The slap never came. She saw Nixon with his hand wrapped around Marcie's wrist. "Stop it, come outside and calm down." Nixon pulled Marcie outside telling her how stupid she was to over react when she had no idea what was going on. Closing her eyes, she took a deep steadying breath before quietly slipping out the back door.

She roamed aimlessly for over an hour until she finally found Buck. He took one look at her face and pulled her into the closest building. "Okay, what happened? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Her laughter was bordering on hysterical, "Well let's see, first of all Nixon tried to kiss me. Marcie caught us and tried to slap me. Then Nixon pulled her off outside and made nice. And by the way, I nearly just forgot the memory of my dead husband." She had to fight the impulse to grasp her hair in her fists and pull out her hair.

Buck frowned, "Okay I get the issues of you being upset over your husband's memory. But hey…Lena look at me.

She reluctantly lifted her eyes to meet his. She did not want to see the truth reflected there…that she was a bad person.

"Lena, you did nothing wrong. You are crazy about Nixon; you just won't let yourself go. He feels the same and I think you have the proof in the fact he didn't let her hit you. Now are we going to continue this plan or give it up?"

"Yeah, let's do the plan but I think we need to put a little more space between him and me."

Buck nodded, "Okay but we still have to be seen together and I think you need to change shifts with Marcie. Unless you want to continue putting up with her."

She sighed, "No I'll leave it alone. I'm sure he's talked her down and other than her snide comments, what's the worst she can do?"

Buck smiled and pulled her in for a hug. "That's the spirit sweetheart. Now, I've got to go. See you tonight?"

"Sure, see you then." She watched Buck walk away, knowing that if she chose to play this game it could become very dangerous. Nixon was her weak spot and she hated to admit she was weak on anything.

****

It had been several weeks since she'd seen Nixon. While she continued to hang out with Buck and the rest of Easy, they'd changed bars so she could have some peace.

Marcie and she had come to an uneasy truce, with Marcie making snide comments when she could and dropping subtle hints as to the depth of her relationship with Nixon. Sighing she laid her head on Buck's shoulder.

"What's wrong Lena? Tired?

She put her hand over Buck's, "Yeah maybe just a little. I've not been sleeping too well and these late nights are wearing me out." She laughed and closed her eyes.

She felt Buck tense under her head, "Well you might want to look alive, because here he comes."

"Hey Buck, Lena. Uh, Lena would you care to dance?"

Cocking her head to the side, she tried to slow the sudden galloping beat of her heart, "No I don't think so. Hey where's Marcie, did she let you off her leash?"

The men at the table laughed and Nixon looked pissed. "No, I'm alone tonight and well I'd just like to dance with you."

"I don't care what you want. I said no so beat it."

Nixon looked between Buck and Lena. Buck shrugged behind her head and relaxed back in the chair. His posture telling Nixon clearly this was between the two of them.

"Alright then, you don't want to dance, let's talk." Grabbing her hand, he pulled her out of the bar and down the empty alleyway.

She finally managed to pull her hand out of his. "What the hell do you think you're doing? You can't treat me that way and I sure as hell don't have to put up with it." She could feel her cheeks filling with angry heat.

"Okay fine you know what you're right you don't deserve that. But damn it, all I wanted was to talk to you. You've been avoiding me for the last few weeks and I miss you." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

She snorted, "What is Marcie not giving you enough attention? Because with the way she talks she is wearing you out every night. If you've got her why do you miss me so bad?"

Nixon turned to face her, his eyes dark like two pieces of coal. Taking two steps he had her against the wall, his arms on either side of her head. His chest pressing into hers holding her against the wall.

"I've missed you because of what happened in the clinic. It's all I've been able to think about, how you would taste, how you would feel under my hands, you've haunted every dream I've had. Please Lena; let me have at least this." She could see the wanton desperation in the way he was looking at her. Before she could really make up her mind about the situation, she saw his head lower. Holding her breath, she somehow found the willpower to turn her head away from him. "No Lew, I can't. I can't do this. Not with you." Pushing against his chest, she managed to free herself in his moment of shock. She had to get away, being with him was too much on her weakened senses.

Nixon watched her leave. What else could he do? He wasn't about to force himself on a woman but damn he knew she wanted him. He'd seen her eyes reflect the same color they'd been in the clinic. He had no idea how to make her admit her feelings for him, but he wasn't going to give up.

****

"_Hmm, well this must be a serious dream; we're at the kitchen table. You know I think I prefer the other dreams."_

_Sighing Lena faced Robbie across the table. She had no idea why she'd chosen to have this conversation, but here they were. "Robbie, you said to let you go, but yet you're still here. So is it me keeping you or you not wanting to go?"_

_She watched him rub his chin, "Well I think it's both. Lena, sweetheart I want you to be happy, I want you to find someone to have children with, to grow old with. I'm just sorry it wasn't me. So to answer your question, neither of us are ready to let go just yet." _

_Dropping his chin into his hand, he sat forward on the table, "What did he do? Did he make you feel things you don't think you should feel? Yeah, that's it, you desire him and you think that makes you a bad person. Oh baby, it doesn't, it makes you alive."_

_Rubbing her face she looked at him again to see he was slowly fade away, "So what do I do now?"_

_As he faded from the dream his voice echoed, "Trust your instincts, Lena."_

****

Aldbourne-May 1944

Months had passed since the clinic incident as Lena liked to think of it and a truce had settled between her and Marcie. Lena was sure it had to do with the fact that Nixon paid her lots of attention and when he did happen to see Lena he ignored her. It hurt more than she liked to admit, but there was Buck and Bill who filled in the emptiness.

Bill and she found that their brothers were in the same unit down in Italy, which gave them something to talk about and occasionally exchange letters. She worried about Frank, but he seemed to be doing well and had stopped asking her about her love life, which was a blessing.

She was about to get off duty when a soldier entered that she'd never seen. "Hey are you a nurse?"

"Yes, is there a problem?"

"I don't know ma'am I was told to find all the nurses I could and get them on the truck out front. Better dress warm, we're heading for the coast, that's all I know."

Grabbing her bag and jacket, she quickly left a note for Marcie, not that she thought the other woman would care.

Four hours and one of the bumpiest rides she'd ever experienced was finally over. They'd arrived at the coast and were quickly ushered into a holding area that contained about six nurses and four doctors. The man who stepped forward wore the rank of a brigadier general. "Thank you all for coming. Your mission here will not be pleasant and I'm sorry to do this to you, but the public can not be informed of what has happened." The man paused to allow his words to sink in before continuing. "All of you will be debriefed at the end of this and bottom line, this never happened."

Everyone exchanged looks before they were ushered out of the tents and down the beach that was covered with bodies. Beside her, she heard one of the nurses begin to cry. She was quickly removed and the rest of them were told to recover the bodies. They would be cataloging their personal effects and filling out the information from their ID tags.

Everyone split up along the beach and Lena quickly ignored anything but the job in front of her. Everyone was busy working and after a while, everyone and everything blurred into nothing. She was down to the last two in her area when she turned over the last one she fell back on her butt in the wet sand, the clipboard and other items she'd been holding falling from her numb fingers.

The boys face was completely relaxed in death, but his amber eyes were staring unblinking into the overcast sky. His dark brown hair had her reaching out to brush it away from his pale face. Frankie, her mind couldn't accept the fact that Frank was gone, but the proof was laying in front of her.

"Ma'am, ma'am are you okay?" The hand on her shoulder had her turning to look at the young medic holding her clipboard and pen.

Looking back at the body, she began to see it wasn't Frank. His hair was too dark, his nose had been broken, his lips were too thin. Taking a deep breath, she reached for her items and pushed herself from the wet sand. "Yes, I'm alright, I guess I just tripped over my own feet." As she finished the job she felt colder than she'd ever felt in her life. While the man hadn't been Frank, that didn't mean it couldn't be him.

It was late when they returned but she had to find the only person she could really talk to, Dick Winters. It took about thirty minutes to track him down, but she found him in the dining facility getting the last of the coffee. When the door closed behind her he turned and the smile he'd been prepared to give her slipped away to be replaced with a frown.

"Lena, are you okay, you look terrible?"

Grabbing his hands without even thinking about it, "Dick I can't tell you everything but I just had a patient. He died, but Dick for a moment I thought he was my brother and it nearly destroyed me. Frank is all I have left in the world and he's in the middle of this and I just realized he could die too."

Dick freed his hands and pulled her to his chest. Holding her, he could feel the silent tears wet his shirt. As he tried to stroke her back and comfort her, he realized she was soaking wet. Wherever she'd been it hadn't been the clinic. "Shh, I know it hurts to think about, but you have to stay positive and stay strong. He's going to be okay, you have to believe that."

Raising her head from his chest, her tear-filled eyes met his, "God couldn't be that cruel to take every thing from me could he Dick? Please tell me that he isn't that cruel?"

Dick pushed her head back to his chest knowing he couldn't say that. This was war and sometimes young men died no matter how badly their families wished otherwise.

She pulled away from him, wiping her eyes as she did so, "Thanks Dick, I need to go."

As Dick watched her leave, he realized she was still lost in her own pain; in fact, she passed Lew without even looking up. He watched as Nixon frowned at her and moved over to his side. "What's wrong with her?"

"Bad day Nix, she lost a patient and it hit a little hard. What's up?"

Nixon looked down at the sheet of paper in his hand and back at the door. "Well I guess these can wait till tomorrow." Dick looked down to see that he was holding transfer orders for Marcie and Lena to regiment. Nodding his head, he agreed with Nixon, those could wait until tomorrow.

****

Her head was pounding and her eyes were too blurry to see. She'd tried to sleep, but every time she closed her eyes, she saw her brother lying dead on the beach. Propping her head up on her hand and putting a pencil in the other, she tried to give the appearance of a woman deep in thought when in reality she was just trying to sleep sitting up.

She must have been successful because someone touching her nearly had her screaming in fright. Jerking away from the hand on her shoulder, she saw Nixon looking down on her with concern on his face.

"Hey there, I said your name a couple of times but you didn't answer." He eyed her critically taking in the pale features marred by the purplish-blue bruises underneath her eyes. "Lena, are you okay?"

Sighing she dropped her head, "Yes Lew, what can I do for you?"

He dropped the papers in front of her. He had no idea what to say to her, no matter how he acted, she treated him with cold indifference and he was tired of it. "Those are yours and Marcie's transfer orders, you'll be coming to work at the regiment aid station."

Picking up the papers, she looked at them and dropped them onto the desk. "Well, that should make Marcie happy. I guess these mean the two of you can be together even more."

Nixon felt his temper snap and he grabbed her arm and hauled her to her feet before he could think. Her bruised eyes stopped him in his tracks. He couldn't stop his hand when it touched her face, his thumb lightly tracing the bruising. "Baby, please, tell me what's wrong?"

Closing her eyes, she let herself relax into him, his hand caressing her face. She'd wanted this kind of touch for so long. Just to have someone touch her like she mattered to him. Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes and pulled away from him. Moving around the desk to separate them further before turning back to face him. "You know, I don't understand you, isn't Marcie giving you enough attention?"

Nixon growled, "Why are you being this way? I've made my interest in you clear haven't I?"

"Ha, your interest has been focused solely on a vicious blond bimbo. So why don't you go find her? I'm sure she'll enjoy knowing how closely you'll be working together."

She watched Nixon's eyes narrow then the smirk appear, "You know, I've been wondering why you push me away so hard and I think I've figured it out. You feel more for me than you want to." She tried to back away as he slowly approached her. The look in his eyes gave her the feeling that she was suddenly his prey.

When he managed to trap her between him and the desk, he reached out to brush her face. "What I can't figure out is how a woman that is so smart can be so stupid." He saw the puzzled look on her face and laughed, "So stupid to think that I'd really want that child. When the only woman I want is standing in front of me."

When he saw her lips part in a gasp he took his opening. Wrapping his hand around her neck, he quickly covered her lips with his. Sliding his arm around her waist, he pulled her closer. He wanted to feel every inch of her, taste her, and lock it in his memory.

Her hands that had been pushing against his chest relaxed and he felt her arms go around his neck, her fingers brushing the short hairs at the base of his neck. He couldn't help the shiver of pleasure that slid down his spine or the unconscious roll of his hips that pressed him tighter against her.

Sighing into the kiss Lena pulled him closer. This was so much better than the dream. He was warm and alive, where as the dream had been a brush of something that might have been. The tighter he pulled her against him the better she liked it. Slipping his arms from around his neck she pushed him away long enough to slide up on the desk, and then pulled him back between her legs.

He moaned against her mouth and pushed her back on the desk. Nixon thought he was going to lose control when she wrapped her legs around his waist pulling him even tighter. Her taste was something he couldn't describe, but it reminded him of a warm spring day.

Sliding his lips away from hers he kissed his way to her ear, "Why don't you and I get out of here I know some where quiet we can go?"

The yes escaped her lips in the form of a sigh and she leaned up to meet his lips.

"Damn it, I told you to watch where you were walking. How the hell do you think you're going to jump with your ankle like that?"

The male voices getting closer had a sobering effect on both of them and Lena pushed Nixon off and sat on the desk with her back to the door not looking at him. "You need to leave Lew, and please don't come back, I…I can't do this."

"Lena…"

"Get out of here, please just leave me alone." She was nearly screaming. She could feel the aching need to make him hers, but she knew it was too soon for her. Her whole body was trembling and right now, she didn't know if it was from excitement or the fact she'd nearly slept with him on this desk. She was so close to a break down it wasn't even funny.

Nixon looked between her and the door and dropped his head. Turning for the door he paused, "This isn't over Lena."

"Yes it is Lew. Stay away from me."

**Oh the drama. Yeah sorry about that tease once again lol. And of course, a HUGE shout-out to captain ty who wrote out this brilliant masterpiece. I made a few adjustments, but it's mostly all her genius. So, if you have the time, we'd really love some feedback. Thank you so much guys for reading. **

**We are in no way, shape, or form trying to disrespect those amazing soldiers on which this story is based. We only own Lena and Robbie and Frank. Oh and Marcie, but I'm finding it harder and harder to lay claim to her as the chapters progress. lol**

.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"_Lena…"_

"_Get out of here, please just leave me alone." She was nearly screaming. She could feel the aching need to make him hers, but she knew it was too soon for her. Her whole body was trembling and right now, she didn't know if it was from excitement or the fact she'd nearly slept with him on this desk. She was so close to a break down it wasn't even funny._

_Nixon looked between her and the door and dropped his head. Turning for the door he paused, "This isn't over Lena."_

"_Yes it is Lew. Stay away from me." _

****

_Aldbourne-June 1944 _

It hadn't shocked her when the soldier had arrived today from Colonel Sink's office telling them they were to be in his office first thing tomorrow morning. Rubbing her face, she could only say that the last week had been a living nightmare. The move to regiment hadn't been that bad and Doc McCoy was a great guy to work for. The nightmare portion had started later the same day the orders had come.

_It had taken thirty minutes and several attempts but she'd managed to finally wrap the soldier's ankle. Her hands had been shaking so bad that she couldn't hold onto anything and both men had exchanged looks when they thought she wouldn't see._

_Luckily, by the time Marcie arrived her hands were steady, even if her thoughts weren't. "So I saw Lew and he said you had something to tell me."_

"_Yeah, these were dropped off earlier this morning and I thought you would be pleased."_

_Marcie had snatched them out of her hand, reading them quickly. "This is wonderful, that means I'll be able to see Lew whenever I want. Aren't you happy?" _

_Lena shrugged, "Hey, I don't have a boyfriend so one place to work is as good as the next for me, but I'm glad you're happy."_

_Marcie had stared at her trying to assess if she was serious or not. Finally deciding she was, "Well about time you recognized that I won. He's so wonderful and I just know if I play my cards right I'll be Mrs. Lewis Nixon." Sighing she danced out of the room._

_Clasping her hands together at her chest and using her highest pitch voice, "Oh I just know I'll be Mrs. Lewis Nixon. Ha, wonder what you'd think about that if you knew he nearly fucked me on this desk an hour ago." Allowing a smirk to appear Lena decided that would be her own private joke._

When she'd arrived at Colonel Sink's office the next morning there was only one seat left and that put her directly across from Marcie and Nixon. Wrinkling her nose in disgust she took her seat and tried to stay focused on Sink and not the two across from her. She would have found it amusing to watch them had they been somewhere else because she could tell that Marcie had her hand lying on Nixon's leg.

"Alright then, glad you folks could make it. Here in a minute, Lieutenant Nixon is going to give you a briefing but I wanted to thank ya'll for your support."

Lena tuned out the rest of the speech, trying her best to ignore Nixon who hadn't taken his eyes off her since she'd taken a seat. However, when Sink started to cover plane assignments she rejoined the briefing fast.

"Alright then, I think it's best to spread my medical folks out over several planes. So Nixon you take Miss Marcie there. I'll take Doc McCoy and Miss Lena I'm going to put you with Easy. So now…"

Lena looked over at Marcie who gave her a smug look and leaned in closer to Nixon. She glanced at Nixon to see his reaction only to find him reading over his notes. For a woman who'd recently told him to stay away from her, why did it hurt so bad that Marcie would be with him for the jump?

****

_Aldbourne-June 5, 1944_

"Alright Easy Company, no jump tonight the entire coast is socked in. Everyone is on twenty-four hour stand down."

Lena watched as Lieutenant Meehan jumped down off the jeep.

"So does this mean we get to take all this off?" she asked Buck with a tired smile.

"Yep and hey I hear they're going to be playing a movie later, want to go?"

"Sure let me go find Bill I think he would enjoy this too. I'll meet you there." Trying not to waddle, she slowly made her way back to where all the men were dropping their equipment.

Bill was on one side of her with Buck on the other, the movie was okay but she was toasting warm in-between the two of them and was actually starting to drop off to sleep when she heard a gruff "oh shit" from beside her.

"Bill, what's wrong?"

Bill was staring at the letter in his hand, so lost in what he was reading she had to shake him to get his attention. "Bill, what's wrong?"

"Nothin' I'm going out." He quickly refolded the letter and headed outside. She knew something was wrong. Leaning over to tell Buck she was leaving she followed him out and actually had to stop outside the tent to try to find him.

Finally spotting him walking down the row of tents, "Bill please wait?" Running she finally caught him.

"Bill talk to me please and tell me what's wrong?"

Bill looked back at the letter in his hand, "I got the wrong jacket, I picked up Johnny's. And well it had this letter in it see and his wife told him…" Bill cleared his throat, "His wife told him my brother's dead."

Lena could feel the burning behind her eyes and her throat seemed to swell with tears. Bill's brother and hers were in the same unit, could this mean hers was dead as well? Swallowing hard she pushed her own fears aside and reached for Bill. He tried to pull back from her, but in a moment, she felt him relax into her buried his face in her neck.

Holding him to her tightly was the only thing she knew to do. When she felt the wet on her neck she knew he was crying but he was so silent about it. Inside her heart was about to beat out of her chest, would she be getting something soon telling her Frank was dead? In that moment standing there holding Bill she realized that some men who had become her friends might not make it home and it terrified her.

Come tomorrow they would all be jumping out of perfectly good airplanes into the unknown. She was going to be with them and if death decided that today was the day, then so be it. She'd made peace with death and would almost great him as an old friend. Mainly because she could join Robbie. However, the man in her arms and his friends weren't ready for that and sometimes she wondered if they were ever afraid.

Bill pulled back and wiped his face. Punching her lightly in the shoulder he smiled at her, "Ya know you're okay kid, for a dame anyway."

She laughed, "You know Bill I think that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me before. Now come on, let's go finish the movie." She grabbed his hand and held it as they walked back.

****

_June 6, 1944_

She was pressed tightly between Bill and Buck and for that, she was thankful. The ride was bumpy to say the least and as she gazed around the plane, she saw the men either smoking or praying. She found it almost funny; the only thing she prayed for was that her brother was safe, never for herself. In the most bizarre twist, she found that dying suddenly had an appeal for her. Well maybe appeal was the wrong word; she just didn't worry about it anymore.

The voice slid into her head unwanted and unexpected, "_W__hat are you doing sweetheart?"_

_When she looked beside her, it was no longer Buck, but Robbie smiling at her. The hand holding hers was Robbie's, his long fingers entwined with hers. It filled her with a sense of comfort she didn't know she'd been looking for. He'd always been able to do that to her._

"_I'm not thinking anything, just curious as to my situation of acceptance."_

_He laughed, "You're not going to die, it's not your time. I don't want to see you again that way, remember eternity for me is but a moment." She felt him lean closer and his lips ghosted across her cheek. "Lena, you need to wake up now."_

"Lena, come on wake up, get your ass out of that seat." Buck was dragging her up beside him, all around the plane the explosions were getting closer by the minute. The light beside her went green and Buck shoved her out the door.

The ground was below her somewhere. She knew that, but with the explosions destroying what little night vision she had, she was more than stunned how suddenly the ground found her.

It wasn't a pretty landing and the pain that radiated up her left leg had her screaming. Reaching up she undid the harness, rolled off her left side to her right, and tried to assess if she'd broken her leg. She could still move it, albeit with extreme pain, so at least it wasn't broken, but she could only lay and wish the pain away.

Slowly it began to fade enough that she was able to get to her knees and collect her bag. She could hear movement all around her but nothing too close. Slowly she found something to help pull herself to her feet. Her thigh was screaming, but she had to get moving, she couldn't stay here.

She'd taken only a few hobbling steps when she heard the footsteps behind her. Freezing she hissed, "Flash."

"Thunder." The sound of that voice nearly had her sobbing in relief as Buck stepped out of the darkness. "Thank God I found you, come on we've got to get moving."

Gritting her teeth, she moved as quickly behind Buck as she could. Finally, he turned and saw there was a large gap between them. "Lena, come on we need to make it to the rally point, you're going to have to move faster than that."

"I'm trying Buck, but my leg, I hit it on something when I landed and there is no way I can move faster than this, I'm sorry." She hissed between her teeth. Leaning against a tree, she considered injecting herself with morphine only to realize if she did that, it would probably knock her out. Pushing away from the tree, "Okay let's go I'll try to keep up."

Buck patted her shoulder, "Good girl."

Lena was sitting on a small rise watching more and more men arrive. Some wearing 101st patches others had on 82d. She still hadn't seen Dick or Bill and was growing a bit worried. Sighing she looked over to where Buck was standing, he was talking to three men, one with his back to her. Seeing her look his way, Buck waved her over.

Slowly walking to his side she looked around and the men and was shocked to find the man who'd had his back to her was Dick. "Oh my God you're okay."

Dick had only a moment to prepare himself for her launching into his arms. Laughing he held her for a moment before setting her back on the ground, "Well I'm thrilled to see you here too." He looked at her face and raised his hand to point, "What happened?"

Reaching up she touched where the blood had dried on her face, "Oh I must have hit a limb or something. The dried blood just makes it look worse than it is," she said as she flashed him a reassuring smile, "Okay so now that I know you're safe have you seen anyone else?"

Dick studied her for a moment. "Well Bill is safe and sound as well as some others. But I've not seen him yet."

"Oh okay well I'm going to help out with the wounded. Don't leave without saying good-bye."

Dick watched her walk away and turned to Buck, "What happened to her?"

He shook his head, "I don't know she was like that when I found her and she won't take anything. She'll be okay."

****

Several hours later and Lena was beginning to tire, the constant standing and stress of treating the wounded was getting to her. To top it all off, Dick, Bill and Buck had been sent off to capture a German artillery position and they still weren't back yet.

Trying for the third time to bandage a leg wound she clenched her hands to stop them from shaking, only to have two hands cover hers and take away the bandages.

"You kind of new here or what?"

Lena looked up to meet the dark eyes of the medic who'd taken away the bandages. "No I'm not new and who the hell do you think you are?"

She watched the medic hold his hands up, "I'm sorry, didn't mean nothing by it just trying to get you to relax a little. I'm Eugene Roe, Easy Company."

Running a hand over her face, she gave him a sheepish look, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it either. I'm Lena, regimental nurse."

Both of them shook hands and smiled. Eugene pointed at her face and leg, "Ya know I could take a look if you wanted?"

"No that's okay; I'm just a little…"

"Hey kid, get out here, we're getting ready to move."

"Nice to meet you Gene I'm sure we'll talk again." Lena grabbed her bag and followed Buck out the door. When they made their way over to Dick, Lena found she was leaning harder on Buck than before.

"Look you need to get that looked at, we're moving out and we'll link up later." Dick pointed back over at the aid station. "Let Doc Roe take a look, please?"

Smiling, "Okay Dick if it'll make you happy."

The noise of the tanks pulling up drew their attention. "Hey going my way?"

All three looked up to see Nixon sitting on the tank beside Marcie, both of them looking very refreshed. Glancing down at herself, she realized how bad she looked. Patting Dick on the arm, "You go ahead; I'll stay with Buck and the men."

She watched as Dick climbed up to join Nixon. She tried to ignore him, but couldn't help glancing his way. She saw the shock on his face and realized he must have just caught site of the blood on her face. Dropping her head, she really didn't want to stay around anymore and turned slowly to head back to the aid station. "You coming Buck?"

Buck had been watching Nixon closely and saw the tightening of his jaw at the blood on Lena's face. He also saw him watch her try and limp away. He clenched his hands and took two steps toward Lena picking her up in his arms. Turning back to Dick, he nodded his head and moved back to the aid station with Lena.

Before he turned he heard Marcie say loudly enough that even Lena heard it.

"Well I guess some women aren't above doing anything to get a man's attention. Wow, I've never seen someone look so terrible before, but then again she didn't have too far to fall."

Buck felt her drop her head on his shoulder when he picked up her and the way she'd cringed at Marcie's harsh words. Buck wished he had the words to tell her she was more beautiful than the blond, but he knew right now she wouldn't believe him any way.

Buck did find new respect for Nixon when he told the Marcie to shut the hell up.

She sighed into Buck's neck; Marcie had once again cut her to the quick. Why couldn't the other woman leave her alone, she had Nixon, was she that insecure? She had no idea why she let the blonde she-cat get to her. The words had hurt worse than the injury. Sighing again, she closed her eyes and enjoyed having Buck carry her.

Nixon clenched his hands as the tank began to pull away. Looking over at Dick, he leaned closer to him so he didn't have to yell. "Hey, she did look terrible, what happened?"

"She hit something on the ground and thinks she bruised her thigh and she has no idea what cut her face. It's not as bad as it looked; she just hasn't washed the blood off yet."

Nodding his head Nixon faced forward. He'd find out for himself later just how bad she'd been hurt.

**Of course, a HUGE shout-out to captain ty who wrote out this brilliant masterpiece. I made a few adjustments, but it's mostly all her genius. So, if you have the time, we'd really love some feedback. Thank you so much guys for reading. **

** We are in no way, shape, or form trying to disrespect those amazing soldiers on which this story is based. We only own Lena and Robbie and Frank. Oh and Marcie, but I think I officially disown her after this chapter.**

** And just so you guys know, you can check my profile whenever you want for updates on this story or any of my other stories. I like to update every day, but sometimes, life gets in the way like it has this week and I'm unable to update it. :) Oh! And I just wanted to say thank you so much to Captain Ty and AivieEnchanted for reviewing last chapter. They are truly amazing and I appreciate the fact that they took the time to leave a nice little note on the story. And thanks to everyone whose been reading. I think we're upwards of 170 just for this month so far, so yeah...**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"_She hit something on the ground and thinks she bruised her thigh and she has no idea what cut her face. It's not as bad as it looked; she just hasn't washed the blood off yet."_

_Nodding his head Nixon faced forward. He'd find out for himself later just how bad she'd been hurt._

****

Lena leaned on the edge of the table as she helped Doc Roe bandage another soldier. He had given her just enough morphine so she could move and wash the blood off her face, but they had been too busy to sit down.

"Hey Doc, let's go we're moving out." Doc turned toward the door and frowned. Grabbing his bag and packing whatever he could into it he stopped and looked at her. "So you gonna be okay here?"

"Oh yeah, no worries. I'm sure some of regiment will be along soon so I won't be too bored. Take care Doc and I'll see you tomorrow."

Scanning the room, she saw most of the men were asleep and took the chance to walk into another small area that appeared to have been a closet. Undoing her pants, she turned her back to the room just in case someone walked in.

She hissed when she saw her thigh, which was currently displaying several colors, black being the most predominate. She gently ran her fingertips over the skin, which felt tight and swollen. Nothing had been broken and that was good news. Slowly easing her pants back up she turned to find Nixon standing quietly staring at her.

"How long have you been standing there?"

Giving her a smirk, "Long enough to enjoy the view and long enough to see that your thigh looks terrible." The change that came over him was slightly terrifying. In one second, the smirk had disappeared to be replaced with a tight frown. He stepped closer to her knowing she couldn't back away, since he now was between her and the door.

"So this is what caused all the blood?" he asked as he reached up, his index finger tracing over the cut above her eye.

Not wanting to admit that she'd wanted nothing more than to lean into his touch, Lena sighed, and knocked his hand away, "Yes, head wounds, no matter how small tend to bleed excessively. Okay so now that you've gotten a look why don't you take off?"

"So we're back to this are we? Why are you so mad at me? Please tell me what I did, Lena."

Frowning she tried to step around him only to have her bad leg collapse, nearly sending her to the floor. Nixon quickly grabbed her and pulled her to his chest. "Easy, wouldn't want you to hurt yourself any more than you already have."

Lena put her hands on his shoulders and tried to push him away only to find him pulling her closer. Butterflies filled her stomach as she realized just how tightly he was holding her and how close their faces were. "So where's your she-cat…did you lose her somewhere?"

He chuckled, "Nope, dropped her at regiment and I'm heading out to the line but I wanted to see you first." All the teasing disappeared from his face and voice, "I was worried about you and I've missed you."

"Lew, please?" She couldn't look away, her body seeming to melt under his gaze. His hand moved to the side of her face and brushed her hair gently away. She knew what he was about to do, could feel it in the way her lips quivered for his touch and the way his fingers tightened around her waist to keep her from going anywhere. But she couldn't stop herself from leaning into him. She wanted to taste him again as badly as he appeared to want her.

"Lena, I've missed you. Please don't pull away." His breath brushed her lips and she closed her eyes and gripped the front of his uniform. She sighed into him and opened her lips.

"Hey Lew I've been looking for you. Sink says for you to get your butt out to the line."

Dick's voice from outside the door had Lew jumping away from her. Looking confused at the choice of her or the door, he rubbed his hands across his face. "I'm sorry."

She almost missed the words they were said so softly and she couldn't stop the tears welling in her eyes. Damn he hadn't even kissed her and he regretted it. "It's okay."

She quickly dropped her head as Dick came into the room they were in, "Oh I'm sorry am I interrupting something?"

She heard the amusement in Dick's voice but didn't look up. Instead, she busied herself with items on the desk in front of her.

"Nah, I just stopped by to check on Miss Accident Prone, didn't want Colonel Sink to be worried about one of his nurses for too long."

She heard the amusement in his voice and couldn't raise her head and face him. Did he think this was some kind of a joke, playing with her this way? She didn't look up as she heard them leaving and didn't acknowledge their good-byes.

Nixon was ready to punch something and that something was real close to being his best friend. He'd been within millimeters of kissing her again and she'd been more than willing, her lips had already parted in invitation. Then when he was leaving, she wouldn't even look at him. What the hell was he missing? He'd said he was sorry for Dick and…closing his eyes he realized what the problem was and why he'd seen tears in her eyes. She hadn't realized he was talking about Dick; she thought he was sorry for trying to kiss her.

Damn but wasn't this a fine mess, he had no idea what he was going to do now. It seemed that every time he took a step forward he took three back.

Wiping her eyes, she paused and collected herself. Lewis Nixon wasn't worth crying over, he clearly couldn't make up his mind about her and she was tired of playing his game. Taking a deep breath, she headed out into the small aid station, carefully checking the patients one last time. Finding an empty spot, she slowly lowered herself to the ground making sure to keep her injured leg away from the wall. The morphine had drained her. Coupled with no sleep over the last few days, Lena was exhausted. Letting out a heavy sigh, she let her head drop against the wall and closed her eyes.

"_Awe what's wrong baby, come here?" When Robbie opened his arms, she ran to him and pulled him close._

"_I can't do this anymore Robbie, it hurts too much. Every day I miss you so much and now this Nixon thing…I can't do it, I can't let you go."_

_His lips brushed her forehead, "Baby, you aren't letting me go. I'll always be with you and I'll always be part of you, nothing can change that. All you're doing is going on. You have to accept that you can't hold onto my memory forever."_

_Her voice came out as that of a scared little girl, "Yes I can. Why do you push so hard for me to let you go?"_

_He pushed her back from him, his face serious, "I'm not pushing you away from me, I'm __pushing you toward something you need. Baby, you are too young and too wonderful a person to be alone. You have to let someone in, why not him?"_

_She pressed her body into his, feeling his heat for a moment as if it was real and tangible. Then, it was gone, "Because he's not you."_

"_Lena, look at me." Pausing he waited for her to raise her head. His face was suddenly bruised and bloody, the eyes filmed over in death. "I'm not me either. Let go, stop hanging on to a dead man."_

_She shook her head in denial, "No, Robbie. I can join you and we'll be together always."_

_He shook her hard, "Lena, listen to me, you will not do that, do you hear me? Lena…"_

"Lena, I hate to wake ya, but we're moving again."

Slowly rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she met Doc Roe's warm brown eyes. The dream had chilled her to the bone; and she could feel the cold seeping steadily into her soul. "Okay Doc, can you help me up?"

Roe pulled her to her feet and grimaced when he saw the pain she was in trying to stand. "Okay, let's get something in you. Just enough so you can walk okay?"

She nodded her head and let Roe inject her. She clenched her right hand in an effort to stop from reaching for the morphine. It would be so easy. Quick and virtually painless. Sighing she picked up her bag and followed him out. It was a war zone, maybe she'd get lucky.

Following Doc out she made a decision that might seal her fate, now she could only hope that Colonel Sink would agree. Because right now, she couldn't feel anything and maybe, somehow she would soon be with Robbie again.

****

"Well, look what the dogs drug in. Hmm, that's interesting that it is possible for you to look worse than you normally do " Marcie's snide comment cut across the relative quiet of the aid station.

The month she'd spent with Easy had actually been pleasant and was better than standing here with the she-cat. Hell getting shot at was better than this. "Well Marcie, either Nixon's cut you off or your attitude just got worse on its' own. Either way I'm so happy to see you again."

Brushing past Marcie all Lena could concentrate on was her room and a soft bed. They'd moved back to Mourmelon to stage before going back to England and Buck had promised her a beer.

Unfortunately, Marcie was right behind her, "So what I don't understand is why you are here? After all you've spent so much time with the boys I would have just thought you would have stayed there."

Sighing Lena stopped in front of the door and faced the other woman. "You know I just have to ask, what did I ever do to you to make you hate me so much?"

Marcie poked her finger in her chest, "Let me make something clear to you, I will be Mrs. Lewis Nixon so you just stay away from him."

Smirking Lena gave her a mock salute, "Sure and as I've told you before good luck with that." Stepping inside the room, she slammed the door in the other woman's face enjoying the little squeal of frustration from the other side.

Dropping her bag in the floor she looked at her watch, she had a couple of hours before she had to meet the boys. Quickly dropping her ODs she crawled between the sheets naked, loving the feeling of not having to wear anything. What started out as a blink, ended with her asleep.

"_Hmm would you look at that?" _

_She glanced over at Robbie standing beside her, "What, oh them. Damn it, what the hell?! Can't I sleep without that she-cat using him for a scratching post?"_

_Marcie and Nixon was sitting across from them engaged in some serious lip-lock and she was positive that Marcie's hand in his lap was making him feel extra special._

_Beside her Robbie chuckled, "I never knew you to be the jealous type."_

_Lena snorted, "With you I never felt that there was any reason to be jealous of anyone. With Lew, it's so different."_

"_Hmm, so you're either saying no one wanted me or I was the most boring man ever."_

_Sighing, "No, it's just you loved me and me alone. Lew doesn't know who he loves…but I'm __pretty sure it's not her either." Turning she faced Robbie, "So why don't you come over here and make this dream so much more interesting."_

"_With pleasure." His lips covered her; the beating of her heart was pounding in her ears. Pulling him closer she tried to make the moment last, if only her heart wouldn't beat so loud._

_He pulled away from her and smiled, "You might want to answer the door before they break in and find you like this?"_

"_Hmm, like what?"_

"Holy shit Lena, I'm sorry I had no idea. Oh man sorry-it'll never happen again."

Jerking up she saw Buck trying to back out the door and cover his eyes at the same time. She couldn't help but notice the red tint in his cheeks. When she looked down, she realized the blanket was on the floor and her naked body was almost completely exposed.

Dropping down she smiled up at the ceiling. Well that would give them something to talk about tonight at the bar.

****

_England_

"Well you see, I have an appointment with Colonel Sink in the morning and I'm hoping he'll let the transfer go."

Buck grinned and wrapped his arm around her, "Well so do I, I've gotten to the point that I like having you around." Glancing over his shoulder, "Besides, it's a lot of fun to poke at Nixon."

Laughing she patted his face in what appeared to be a loving manner, "You know you really shouldn't enjoy it that much. It's not nice."

Buck leaned in and whispered in her ear, "Yeah but have you seen his face?"

Nixon growled low as he watched Buck bend into her ear. Why did she let him pet on her and then she couldn't stand to be around him? He was doing his best to concentrate on Marcie, but the action at the other table was proving to be too much of a distraction.

"Nixy, what are you looking at? Shouldn't you be paying attention to me?"

He felt her hand dip into his lap and while he enjoyed the fact that she was stroking him he would have preferred the soft small hand of the woman who now had her hand around Buck's neck.

Picking up his drink he downed the Vat is one swallow and was about to tell Marcie they were leaving when he heard Lena's laughter. Looking up he saw Buck pick her up in his arms and swing her around like a toy doll.

From across the room, "Alright boys, you have a good night, me and Lena are heading out…Don't do nothing we wouldn't."

Lena had her arms wrapped around Buck's neck as he carried her outside. She had to admit, the look on Nixon's face had been priceless.

"Okay Buck you can let me down. Remember I have an early morning appointment with Sink."

Buck laughed, "Sure Lena in a minute." He slowly let go of her legs letting her slide down the length of his body. Looking down of her he didn't release her but held her closer. Dipping his head he covered her lips with his.

Lena was in shock but for a moment she pulled him closer but then began to struggle and try to push away. "Damn it Buck what are you doing?"

Buck shook his head and stroked her face, "I have no idea."

"Buck, I like you, but..."

"I'm not Nixon."

She shook her head, "No you're not Robbie, it's not just Nixon and that's what you need to understand. I'm not ready to let go for anyone. Not even him."

He sighed, a resigned sadness settling in his blue eyes,"Its okay I guess deep down inside I knew and I just didn't want to admit it."

Smiling sadly she kissed his cheek, "We're still friends right? Please, I don't have many and well you and Dick are it."

Pulling her back into his arms he kissed her head, "Of course we are kid. I couldn't leave you alone like that."

"Well isn't this just sweet. You're the last person I expected to be cuddled up with such an attractive man."

Sighing into Buck's chest, she muttered, "The she-cat has arrived."

** Of course, a HUGE shout-out to captain ty who wrote out this brilliant masterpiece. I made a few adjustments, but it's mostly all her genius. So, if you have the time, we'd really love some feedback. Thank you so much guys for reading. And another shout out to AivieEnchanted who reviewed last chapter along with captain ty. :)**

** We are in no way, shape, or form trying to disrespect those amazing soldiers on which this story is based. We only own Lena and Robbie and Frank. Oh and Marcie, whom I have officially disowned. I think we all know why. **


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_Smiling sadly she kissed his cheek, "We're still friends right? Please, I don't have many and well you and Dick are it."_

_Pulling her back into his arms he kissed her head, "Of course we are kid. I couldn't leave you alone like that."_

"_Well isn't this just sweet. You're the last person I expected to be cuddled up with such an attractive man."_

_Sighing into Buck's chest, she muttered, "The she-cat has arrived."_

****

Pushing away from Buck's chest, she plastered a smile on her face. "Well you know I got lost in the moment, hope we're not in your way?"

Buck's arms came around her waist and his head bent to press a kiss into her neck. She lifted an eyebrow in question as she met Nixon's eyes. He actually looked angry. Well tough, if she had to put up with him acting as a scratching post then he could put up with a kiss.

Buck's strong fingers closed around her hand and he tugged it to get her attention, "Come on Lena, I'm sure there is somewhere else we can go."

She smirked at Nixon and let Buck lead her away. Behind her, she could hear Marcie purring about them finding their own private place.

"She really gets under your skin doesn't she?" Buck's voice carried a tone of amusement she hadn't heard before.

"Yep, just a little. The thing of it is, it has nothing to do with him and her together, it's just her." Sighing she rubbed her temples, "You know I just wish I could understand what I'd done to her to make her be such a bitch."

Buck pulled her close and tucked her under his arm. "Babe, you didn't have to do anything. She's just threatened by you. You're too pretty."

She elbowed him the in the ribs, "Lynn Compton, didn't your mother teach you not to lie?"

"Ouch, easy with the Lynn. Yep, she taught me not to lie. That's why I said what I did."

Lena didn't reply until she said goodnight. Her ego was pleased; no one had called her pretty since Robbie died.

****

"Ah, Miss Lena, come on in. Have a seat, now why don't you tell me what's on your mind?"

Lena smoothed her uniform as she sat down. She'd taken time this morning rehearsing exactly what she needed to say. But now sitting across from Sink, she was suddenly speechless.

Clearing her throat, "Well sir, as I'm sure you're aware I spent the last month in France with Easy Company and…"

"Yes and from what I hear you did a damn fine job." She allowed a nervous smile to curve her lips.

"Yes well thank you sir, but I'm here to request a permanent transfer to Easy. I think I'm better utilized with them. I can stay at the battalion if that will cause less stress for you."

Sink frowned and rubbed his head, "You do realize what you're asking for right? I mean this is going to be hard, there is still a lot of fighting to go."

"Yes sir, I do understand that and I know it won't be easy and I know what I'm asking for but I think this is the best decision for everyone."

Sink narrowed his eyes for a moment and studied her. The silence in the room stretched between them, pulling Lena's nerves tighter. Finally, he sighed, "I'll agree if you answer me one question."

"Alright sir, what's your question?"

"This wouldn't have anything to do with Miss Marcie now would it?"

She couldn't stop the laughter, "No sir what would make you think that?"

"Well let's just say that her welcome of you at the aid station has made the rounds at regiment. I hate to lose you but I think you'll be more than welcomed at 2nd Battalion."

"Thank you sir, I promise you won't regret it."

She was smiling as she left headquarters. Mission one was accomplished, the rest she'd just let the war take care of.

The smile slid from her face as the voice whispered across her mind, "A_we, baby what have you done?"_

****

The rumor of her transfer had spread quickly and Buck was the first to find her. "So I'm guessing you were successful. Happy now?"

Lifting her eyes to meet his, she saw something she didn't expect there, "Yeah, yeah I am. Why do you act like you're not happy?"

Turning the chair backwards, he sat facing her. "I don't know. Ever since you got back here, you've been a little off and you came back with this sole focus of getting to the line. I know you feel that's where you're needed, but I can't help but wonder if Nixon has anything to do with this?" A sickening feeling of unease permeated her stomach, but she plastered a smile to her face in denial.

She snorted, "Oh no, this has nothing and I repeat, nothing to do with him." She bit her lip, wishing that she could believe that with all her heart.

Buck nodded, letting it go for now, "Okay fair enough. Then does it have anything to do with that?" He pointed at the necklace lying outside her t-shirt.

Quickly grabbing it and hiding it back in her shirt, she shook her head. "No, it has nothing to do with that either."

"Hmm, I think you're lying, but I'll let it go. Just know I've got my eye on you. Oh by the way, there's a briefing tomorrow and I think this little mission will be a go."

She watched as he walked out and reached back inside the shirt to remove the necklace. Opening the locket, she stared at Robbie's photo. The voice that seemed to have taken on the job of her conscious made another plea, "O_h please baby don't do this…I'm not worth it."_

Shaking her head, she decided that the voice needed to be quiet and what better way to make it quiet than to have a drink.

****

"Nixy, why do I have to go to this briefing, I mean after all I'm just a nurse." The pout formed on her lips making Nixon shake his head. The woman really was starting to get on his nerves.

"Look, you can do what you want but obviously I have to be there. So you can either come and listen or stay here." Grabbing up his papers he started for the door.

"Well the least you could do is give me a kiss." He repressed the urge to roll his eyes.

Turning back, "You do realize I don't have time for this. Come on, Marcie."

Flouncing next to him she smiled sweetly, which immediately set him on guard. "Okay why are you so happy now?"

"Well you see, I know something that makes me very happy."

"Yeah and what's that?"

"Well I now no longer have to compete with anyone for your attention."

Nixon frowned, "Well first I didn't realize there was a competition. However who is it exactly you felt you were competing with?"

Marcie smiled and hugged his arm to her; ensuring she rubbed his arm against her breast. "Well I no longer have to put up with Lena. What with her being transferred down to 2nd battalion."

"Wait, what do you mean she was transferred?"

"I thought you knew, she went to Sink about a month ago and requested a transfer. So that means it's just you and me from now on."

Nixon gave some grunt that sounded positive while he tried to figure out why she would transfer down to the line.

He was able to catch Dick right before they went out on the stage to do the briefing on Market Garden. "Dick I just heard something and I know it can't be true. Did Lena transfer down to battalion?"

"Yeah, she's been down there almost a month, Nix. About a week after we got back to England she went to Sink and requested it. Is that a problem?" The look in his eyes told Lew that Dick already knew the answer to that question.

Nixon scanned the audience and found her sitting between Buck and Roe. He knew he couldn't tell Dick the truth. Not taking his eyes off her, "No. No problem, just confirming a rumor. That's what good intelligence officers do, right?"

Lena was squished between Buck and Roe and neither one was giving her any room. "Gees, can you two please get out of my lap?"

Roe laughed, "Ya, but you could always sit in mine if you needed more room."

"Now hang on a minute Doc, if she's sitting in anyone's lap it's going to be mine."

Lena elbowed the both of them, "How about this, I don't sit in anyone's lap."

Buck rubbed his ribs, "Okay, but hey the briefing is starting be quiet you."

Everyone refocused their attention on the stage and when Nixon finally walked out Lena noticed he didn't look away from her during the entire briefing. He seemed to have renewed interest in her and she didn't understand it.

Pulling her eyes away from his, she glanced around the room and met Marcie's stare. Oh yeah she-cat had noticed as well. Tough, she'd gotten as far away from Nixon as she could. If Marcie couldn't hold him on her leash that was her problem.

As they all stood to leave, Nixon jumped down from the stage and quickly made his way to where Lena and Doc Roe were standing talking. "Hey Doc you mind if I borrow Lena for a minute?"

Roe looked over at Lena who shrugged. "Sure sir, I'll see you at the aid station."

Lena watched Roe leave before turning to Nixon, "Okay now what? Do you really want to start something with Marcie glaring at me from across the room?"

Nixon looked over his shoulder at Marcie who was indeed watching them. "Yeah well, you stay here I'll be back in a moment."

The minute his back was turned Lena quickly left and fell in with a group of men heading the way she wanted to go. The nice thing about being short was no one could see you when surrounded by six-foot tall men.

****

"Why'd you do it?"

Lena screamed, dropping the glass she was holding. "Damn it, now I have to clean that up. What do you want Lew?"

Stepping inside the room and shutting the door he stepped closer to her, his voice lowering in anger, each word enunciated carefully. "I. Said. Why. Did. You. Do. It?"

"Hmm, none of your business. Now if you'll excuse me?" Moving to step around him, she hoped that he wouldn't try to stop her.

When Nixon grabbed her around the waist and sat her on the desk, she knew that he was going to the exact opposite of what she wanted. Stepping between her legs. "Stop it. I want an answer and I'm not leaving till I get one."

"Well I hope you like this position because I don't have to answer anything for you."

"Yeah, well let's see about that."

Both hands cupped her head holding her steady as his head lowered to cover her lips. There was nothing but angry passion in his kiss and when his tongue forced its way inside her mouth she moaned helplessly.

Nixon felt her respond and released her head letting his hands slide down her back. Grabbing her butt, he pulled her tighter against him. The warmth from between her legs was so hot he could feel it through his uniform. Pressing against her with his hips, he caused her to moan and pull away from his lips.

Lena dropped her head back in a silent invitation for his lips to find her neck. The moment they did, she dug her fingers into his hair pulling him closer as he bit and sucked at her neck.

"Hey Lena, you in here?"

Roe's voice broke them apart. Staring at each other Nixon was the first to move, wiping his hand across his mouth. Looking at her, he could see her lips swollen from his kiss. His beard had left chafe marks around her mouth. The red mark forming on her neck was a testament to his getting lost in the moment. "I'm sorry I got carried away." Her heart dropped into her stomach.

Lena sighed, "Yeah I'm sure you're sorry." Jumping off the table she somehow managed to walk steadily out of the room to where Gene was.

****

Dick rarely came into the bar, but he'd heard from Roe that something was wrong with Lena, so he thought he'd check here first. It took a moment but he finally found her in the back of the room alone, a bottle of scotch in front of her.

"So do you think it's a good idea to be drinking that stuff with a jump tomorrow?"

Looking up she waved to the empty chair next to her, "Does it look like I care?" Picking up the half-filled glass, she downed it and poured another.

Dick frowned, "Well want to tell me what caused this little pity party?"

Laughing she pointed to a table about ten feet away, "That is what has this pity party convened, coupled with…oh never mind." Taking another drink, she made a face and put the glass down.

Dick glanced over to where she was pointing to see Marcie practically laying in Nixon's lap. "Hmm, well I could see where that might have you in a bad mood. So let me ask you something…how exactly do you feel about him?"

"No comment." Taking another drink, she rolled her eyes at the action going on at the other table. It was getting worse by the minute and she had no idea why she was watching. Hell why didn't Marcie just strip the man here and now?

Dick waved a hand in front of her face, drawing her attention back to him, "Hey, you know you might want to tell her he's married. She seems to be making a lot of plans for a married man."

Lena spit the mouthful of alcohol out she had, coughing and trying to catch her breath, "What the hell are you talking about? Nixon is married?!!"

Dick gave her a confused look, "What you didn't know? Yeah he's married with a kid. Him and his wife are not talking though and I think they will end up divorced, but then again who knows."

Lena watched the couple across from her. While she was pissed that he'd put the moves on her knowing the entire time he was married, she couldn't wait till Marcie found out her dreams of being Mrs. Lewis Nixon were for nothing.

Smiling at Dick, she put her drink down and stood up. "Thanks Dick, I'll see you tomorrow."

Dick watched her leave totally confused as to what he'd done that put her in such a good mood.

**Of course, a HUGE shout-out to captain ty who wrote out this brilliant masterpiece. I made a few adjustments, but it's mostly all her genius. So, if you have the time, we'd really love some feedback. Thank you so much guys for reading. And another shout out to AivieEnchanted who reviewed last chapter along with captain ty. :)**

** We are in no way, shape, or form trying to disrespect those amazing soldiers on which this story is based. We only own Lena and Robbie and Frank. Oh and Marcie, whom I have officially disowned. But at least we have Lena's torture of her to look forward to. :) **


	8. Chapter 8

_Lena watched the couple across from her. While she was pissed that he'd put the moves on her knowing the entire time he was married, she couldn't wait till Marcie found out her dreams of being Mrs. Lewis Nixon were for nothing. _

_Smiling at Dick, she put her drink down and stood up. "Thanks Dick, I'll see you tomorrow."_

_Dick watched her leave totally confused as to what he'd done that put her in such a good mood._

__

_ "Hmm, so he's married. You heard Dick it could all fall apart, are you so ready to give up?"_

_Lena glanced at the man walking beside her, "I'm sorry do I know you? My Robbie would have never said that. Obviously you, sir, are an imposter."_

"_Yes well your Robbie also wasn't facing the reality that his girl was trying to get herself killed."_

_Snorting she turned her back on him. "You know I don't think I like the new you. Can't you just go back to making love to me that was a lot more fun and less preachy?"_

_His arms slipped around her waist and his chuckle echoed in her ear. "You'll always be my girl."_

"Gees Lena, how do you fall asleep every time we have to jump?"

She glared at Roe who was currently trying to pull her to her feet to jump. "I don't know Gene, but I do know you have the worst timing in the world. I mean come on can a girl not get a little loving?"

Buck looked over his shoulder, "Oh come on, I'd have been more than happy to scratch your itch."

Lena hit him in the arm as he jumped from the plane.

She was doing her best to stay plastered to Buck's back as they moved through Eindhoven. She had no desire to be hugged or kissed and as long as she stayed behind him, no one could see her.

Moving again he looked over his shoulder at her, "Okay we're going to be moving out to some place called Nuenan, you're still with me understood?"

Sighing to attempt to hide her grin she said, "Yes daddy, I'll be right beside you."

Trying to keep down behind the low wall, she was doing as Buck asked and was right beside him. Right up to the point the Tiger tank shot the British tank. At that point, she knew it was time to leave.

"Come on Lena, get a move on." Buck had her by the jacket and was pushing and dragging along with the rest of the men.

"Damn it Buck, let go, I can run faster when I can stand up by myself." He finally released her and she did a good job of keeping up and had every intention of keeping her promise to Buck and staying by his side, until she saw Marcie standing in the road frozen in place.

Looking between Buck and Marcie she didn't have long to choose. No matter how mean Marcie had been to her, she couldn't let her die in the middle of a road. Getting up to run and drag her back, she caught movement out of the corner of her eye.

The German soldier had stopped in the middle of the road. He was taking aim at Marcie, who was completely unaware of what was about to happen. With a surge of adrenaline, Lena threw herself forward and landed on Marcie's back knocking her to the ground.

Lena swore that someone had just punched her in the side with a red-hot iron. The added push, along with the unrelenting pain had knocked the wind out of her, but Marcie was definitely okay.

"Get off me you fat cow. How dare you jump on my back! What do I look like a hobby horse to you?" Marcie gave a hard shove that pushed Lena off her and unfortunately rolled her onto her injured side.

Lena lay on her back looking up at Marcie in shock and pain. Using her left hand, she began to rummage through her aid bag looking for a bandage, all the while listening to Marcie complaining that her uniform was now dirty. Watching the woman stomp off in the direction of the waiting trucks, she had the vague idea that Marcie would have complained to God if she'd had her head blown off.

Finding what she was looking for she quickly attached the bandage to her side and held it until the blood began to soak into it. That way she didn't have to worry about trying to tie it off. Getting to her feet, she quickly moved to where everyone was loading the trucks. Luckily, no one seemed to notice that her jacket was soaked in blood.

Marcie was pissed. That cow had gotten her uniform dirty and that was not acceptable. Looking around she finally found Nixy standing next to Dick. Putting on her best smile, she made her way over to him. "Well I'm glad to see you're okay."

Nixon frowned and mumbled "me too," before he finally looked at her. "What happened to you, decide that you needed to get a little line time?" He pointed at the dirt on the front of her uniform.

Grimacing she tried to knock off as much as she could. "No, that stupid cow Lena jumped on my back and knocked me down. I swear that woman is insane." Turning to show him her back, "Is the back dirty too?"

Nixon and Dick both rolled their eyes before looking at her. "Nix, is that what I think it is on her back?"

"What, what's on my back? Oh that stupid cow, what did she get on me?" Marcie twisted trying to see what they were looking at. Finally giving up she pulled the jacket off and held it in front of her. "Well huh, that looks like blood splatter."

Nixon grabbed Marcie's arm, "Where is she? Where did you last see Lena?"

Jerking her arm out of his grip, "I don't know she got up and went to get on the trucks. Why are you so worried about her? Obviously if she was walking she's fine."

Nixon shook his head, "No she might have been walking but where the hell do you think that blood came from? She is far from alright."

Closing her eyes she tried to refocus her attention on the soldier lying before her. She'd managed to sneak a small bit of morphine into her, but her entire side was still on fire and she'd had to add more bandages to keep the blood from leaking down her leg. That probably wasn't a good sign.

Nixon stood watching her work. Her hands were shaking but otherwise she seemed okay. Stepping into the aid station a little further he waited till she'd finished. "So Lena, I wanted to stop by and see how you were?"

Lena spun so fast she felt a new pain shoot up her side nearly taking her breath away, but the anger she was currently feeling over rode the pain. "You complete bastard! You unfaithful, adulterous lying bastard!"

Nixon only had a second to move when the clipboard she'd been holding sailed at his head, missing by inches. "What the hell is wrong with you Lena, you could have hit me with that."

"Yeah, well too bad for me that I didn't." Grabbing up the next thing she found she launched that at him too. "What did you think I wouldn't find out, did you think I was some kind of whore to be played with when it suited you?" This statement was followed up with a box of bandages that struck him in the chest.

"Stop Lena. What the hell are you talking about, what did I do now?"

Lena grabbed up the next thing within reach which was a box of morphine, before she could launch it; Gene grabbed her hand and held it.

"That's enough Lena."

"What the hell's wrong with you Gene? Since when do you care what I do to Nixon?"

He shrugged, "Well I only grabbed you because you were about to start throwing morphine and we just might need that later."

Growling she turned on Nixon again, "get the hell out of here and don't come back or at least don't come back till you're not married anymore." She got the momentary pleasure of watching him go pale. "Oh well see I do know, but don't worry I won't tell your little pussy. So off you go."

Turning her back she heard the door open and close behind her. Beside her Gene covered her hand, "you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine let's get back to work."

Roe shrugged and turned to start picking up the things she'd tossed and the lack of movement caught his eye. Turning to face her he could see how pale she'd gotten and the fact she was just staring at her hands holding the bandage. Frowning he called her name.

Lena could feel the blood running down her leg, she knew that the argument with Nixon had probably started the bleeding again, but damn she'd just been so mad. Glancing down at her leg she could see the front of her pants turn purple with the mix of red and green together.

Raising her head she tried to turn to face Roe who was calling her name, but she felt like she was swimming through mud. Closing her eyes she tried to focus on Gene's voice, but instead of getting closer she could hear it fading away.

Gene watched as Lena turned to look at him, her face pale as death. Then she slowly slumped to the floor. Rushing to her side he turned her over and saw the entire front of her uniform soaked in blood. "Spina get in here, now."

When Spina ran in Roe looked up, "go get either Captain Nixon or Winters, now!" Roe watched Spina leave before bending to pick up Lena and lay her on the closest cot. Her breathing had already taken on the sound of someone struggling for every breath. Right now Roe was afraid that every breath she took might be her last.

_She stood looking over his shoulder at her body. Roe had taken on that ghost like appearance that Robbie had always had. She tried to lay a hand on his shoulder only to find it passed right through._

"_What did you just think you'd appear solid here?_

_Turning she saw Robbie leaning against the door frame as solid as he'd been in life. "Oh my god, I'm finally with you." Rushing to him she threw herself into his arms._

"_Oh baby, you're just caught between right now. It's going to be okay, but you can't stay with me, it's not your time." As if to punctuate his words, Dick ran into the room and joined Roe next to her body._

"_You need to listen and watch Lena, then make your decision." Frowning she turned to watch Dick and Roe struggle to save her._

"Okay Doc, what happened?"

"I don't know sir, one minute she was talking and fine then Captain Nixon shows up and she starts launching things at him calling him a bastard, he leaves, she collapses and that's when I found this."

Roe grabbed Dick's hands and put them over the wound. "Okay I need you to keep pressure on this, I've got no idea how much blood she's lost and sir, if I don't fix this, she's going to die."

Dick looked up at Lena's pale face and was almost convinced she was already dead. "Okay Doc, go we can get her out of here."

Roe shook his head, "no sir, we try to move her now, and we'll kill her. Talk to her sir, I'm pretty sure she can still hear you."

Dick nodded and took one of his hands away from her side and brushed the hair away from her face. "Come on Lena, fight, this isn't what you want. You're stronger than this."

_Robbie sighed behind her, "see even he knows you really don't want this. Lena, you've got to go back and fight. Please baby, do it for me."_

_Turning to face him she shook her head, "What do I have to go back for? I have no one; don't you understand I'm so lonely without you."_

_Pulling her into his arms Robbie kissed her with all the passion he'd always felt for her. It would be so easy to keep her here with him. Pulling away from her lips, he felt his own tears. "No baby, you're not staying, it's not your time."_

_Lena felt him shove her away from him and she felt herself being pulled, almost like waking from a dream, except this time she…._ woke up screaming in pain.

Her eyes couldn't focus but she saw Robbie standing there smiling sadly. She screamed in pain and heartache. Dick swore he'd never forget the sound as long as he lived.

"Why, why did you do this? My god it's like you're dying all over again." The tears streamed down her face as she talked to someone that neither Dick nor Roe could see.

The two men exchanged looks as she seemed to pass out again, her breathing easier than it had been. "Sir, what the hell was that?"

Dick shook his head and held her hand harder. "I'm not sure but, she's back with us for whatever the reason, so I think I'll let you take over now."

Roe nodded and replaced Dick beside Lena, quickly moving into those treatment things that needed to be finished.

For the next week Lena was only dimly aware of people moving around her. She knew that Dick had been there several times and that Gene actually spent as much time with her as his duties would allow. She also knew he was keeping her pretty well sedated with morphine.

She thought Robbie had been there several times but she'd refused to speak with him. He was the whole reason she was laying her in this aid station drugged out of her mind. Sighing she tried to find a more comfortable position. Why he sent her back she had no idea. No one cared. That damn she-cat who she'd saved hadn't even bothered to stop by. Closing her eyes she made herself a promise that if she caught Gene leaving the morphine she'd take care of this problem.

Nixon entered the aid station and caught Roe's eye. Roe nodded and pointed to the back of the room. This was the same ritual they did every day. The nod meaning yes she was better and still drugged, the pointing indicating where he'd moved her.

Approaching the bed he saw her eyes were closed but some of the color had returned to her face. He loved the way her auburn hair fell around her face, curling at her shoulders. Sometimes he'd just sit and play with a strand of it. He was afraid to talk to her, his voice might cause her sadness and that was the last thing he wanted.

Taking a seat in the chair he reached out to pick up her hand holding it in his. He used the other hand to trace the veins across the back of her hand and down her slender fingers. He'd never noticed how dainty she really was; in fact she was tiny compared to him.

Feeling someone staring at him he looked up to meet her dazed amber colored eyes. The small smile on her lips had him speechless.

"Hi Lew, how are you?"

Feeling unsure of himself he swallowed and gripped her hand harder. "I'm good, but a better question is how you are?"

She giggled, "I think Gene is keeping me drugged so I don't feel so bad. I've missed you Lew, I didn't think you'd come back."

He could see the glassy look to her eyes but he was going to take anything she threw at him. "I've been here every day sweetie; you had me so scared you were going to die."

He saw her eyes tear up, "I tried he wouldn't let me stay he made me come back, he told me it wasn't my time." Choking on her tears she turned her head and whispered in a voice so quiet he almost missed it, "I miss him so bad, and all I wanted was to be with him again."

He saw his hand shake as he reached out to brush her hair away from her face, "Who baby, who do you miss?"

"Robbie, my husband, I was with him and we were happy but he told me I couldn't stay and he sent me back here where no one cares if I live or die. Hell I saved Marcie's head from being blown off and what did I get for it? Nothing. She yelled because her uniform got dirty."

Turning her head she looked at him again. "I really do like you Lew, I just wish…oh never mind." Reaching out with her right hand she brushed his hair back, "sometimes you and Robbie seem so much alike, but then you…oh you, there is something about you that makes me so weak." Smiling weakly her eyes struggled to stay open. "Lew, what happened to your head?"

Controlling his anger over the fact that Marcie couldn't even acknowledge the fact Lena had saved her, he chuckled and leaned forward to kiss her cheek, "Nothing baby, just hit my head that's all. Close your eyes and sleep, you'll feel better after you sleep."

The tiny hand resting in his squeezed, "Lew please don't leave me. Just stay a little while then you can go back to Marcie, I'm just so tired of being alone." Her eyes slide closed as the last words were almost whispered.

Kissing her hand Nixon sat beside her till he was sure she was asleep.

**Of course, a HUGE shout-out to captain ty who wrote out this brilliant masterpiece. I made a few adjustments, but it's mostly all her genius. So, if you have the time, we'd really love some feedback. Thank you so much guys for reading. And another shout out to AivieEnchanted and Smeeeedy who reviewed last chapter along with captain ty. :) Love you guys!**

** We are in no way, shape, or form trying to disrespect those amazing soldiers on which this story is based. We only own Lena and Robbie and Frank. Oh and Marcie, whom I have officially disowned. And sorry about Lena not torturing Marcie yet. But trust me, it's coming...**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**Not to spoil anything, but this story is rated M as in mature audiences for a reason. Consider yourselves warned. :)**

_Controlling his anger over the fact that Marcie couldn't even acknowledge the fact Lena had saved her, he chuckled and leaned forward to kiss her cheek, "Nothing baby, just hit my head that's all. Close your eyes and sleep, you'll feel better after you sleep."_

_The tiny hand resting in his squeezed, "Lew please don't leave me. Just stay a little while then you can go back to Marcie, I'm just so tired of being alone." Her eyes slide closed as the last words were almost whispered._

_Kissing her hand Nixon sat beside her till he was sure she was asleep._

****

Lena moved slowly around the aid station. They'd moved back to Mourmelon a week ago and she was finally up and moving again. Gene wouldn't let her lift anything heavier than a bandage but just to be out of the bed made her feel better.

Her side still ached but not as badly and the morphine had been stopped except to help her find a comfortable position to sleep in. Glancing over she caught Gene watching her. "Relax Doc; I'm on my feet and moving, slowly but still moving."

Roe grinned at her, "Yeah I know but it's just hard to relax after seeing you so close to dying. Give me a couple more days okay?"

"Sure Gene, you get a couple more days but then I'm going to start chucking things at you." She smiled and moved closer to him. Brushing her hand across his cheek, "I'm sorry I scared you, I'll try not to do that again."

He covered her hand with his and smiled, "I don't think that's going to be a problem, you scared Captain Winters too bad for him to ever let you near the fighting again."

Her nose wrinkled in distaste, "Yeah, guess I've got to fix that too."

"Yep, and it won't be easy, but hey, could you take the inventory sheet and go in the back and reconfirm these numbers?" Shaking his head and laughing, "I love Spina, but the man can't add and pays no attention to detail."

Smiling she took the list and headed into the back area. She knew and Gene knew she knew that Spina's math was fine; he just wanted her to sit down for a while. Well who was she to complain, she still wasn't a hundred percent.

A hand softly brushed the curls at the back of her neck almost making her think she had imagined it, up till the point the hand gripped the back of her neck, massaging with long fingers. Closing her eyes briefly she let herself enjoy it, before reaching back to smack the hand. "Okay Gene, I know I look tired but that is too distracting. If you don't stop you'll be complaining to Spina about my math."

Chuckling she turned in the chair to see Nixon standing behind her.

"Hey, I didn't realize you and Doc had that kind of relationship."

Growling she laid the clipboard down, "What the kind of relationship based on friendship and trust, instead of lies?"

"Ouch, look I don't want to fight. I just came by…"

"You're right about one thing Lew; we're not going to fight, because you are going to get the hell out of my sight. Run back to she-cat, I'm sure she'll make you feel better."

"Damn it Lena, I came by to see you. I've not seen you in a week and well I just wanted to make sure you're doing better."

"What are you talking about; I've not see you in over a month. Screw you Lew, it's so typical that you would try to lie just to get me to talk to you. You need to just leave."

"And I thought we'd made some progress. I guess I was wrong."

She frowned and watched as he walked out of the aid station with his hands in his pockets. If she didn't know better she'd say he almost looked dejected. Walking back out into the main room, she saw Gene watching the door almost as if he expected her to come walking out.

"Gene, what's he doing coming in here? I thought I made myself very clear in Holland."

Gene cleared his throat, "Well yeah you did, but you know things change and he came to see you every day. So maybe he thought things could at least be friendly between the two of you."

She snorted, "Why would I want that? Hell I don't need any other reasons for Marcie to hate me." Looking down at her watch, "I'm going to dinner and I'll be back later."

Gene shook his head and watched her leave. Morphine was powerful stuff and he'd be the last person to tell her what she'd said to Nixon, they could figure it out for themselves.

Grabbing a tray, she made her way over to where Harry and Dick were sitting. "Hey guys mind if I join you?"

Harry quickly scooted over and let her sit down. "Wow, it's not every day we have a beautiful woman want to join us. How you doing doll?"

"Eh, not too bad, still a little sore." Pausing for moment, she looked Dick in the eyes, "and a little confused."

Dick's eyebrow went up, "Confused in what way?"

"Well I'm not sure, Lew came by and seemed different and he seemed confused that I was upset with him. And Doc wouldn't say anything except he'd been by to see me every day." Sighing she pushed her food around on her plate, "I guess I'm just trying to figure out what happened while I was out of it."

"Well you know I can't speak for everything but I do know that Nixon was there every day and he does care about you."

Lena rolled her eyes before she could stop herself. "Oh yeah he cares alright, that's why that she-cat is wrapped around him."

"Lena, I really think…"

"Hey sir, sorry to interrupt, Lena this telegram came for you last week and somehow got misplaced and I just found it."

"Thanks Vest." Puzzled she turned it over in her hands a couple of times. Frowning she knew nothing good ever came from a telegram. Leaving her tray where it was she mumbled her good-byes to Dick and Harry and decided to go back to her room before opening it.

Harry and Dick exchanged looks. They both knew that there are only two reasons telegrams came, seriously wounded or dead. "Dick, do you think we should go after her?"

Dick shook his head, "No not us but I think the person who should just showed up." Raising his hand, he caught Nixon's attention.

"Gentlemen, what's up?"

Dick didn't waste time explaining but quickly related to Nixon about the telegram that had just arrived.

Nixon frowned, "She was heading to her room right?" At Dick's nod, he turned and headed back out of the mess hall.

Lena could barely hold the telegram her hands were shaking so badly. She didn't want to open it. Somehow in her heart; she already knew what it was going to say. Moving to sit on the bed, she sat down and opened it.

_We regret to inform you that your brother Frank….killed in Messina…deepest regrets._

Sliding to the floor, she wrapped her arms around her legs and buried her face. She couldn't breathe; all she wanted was for the world to stop. The constant screaming and sobbing were getting on her nerves why didn't someone make that woman be quiet. She was so lost in her own pain she had no idea the woman screaming and crying was her.

When he opened the door downstairs, he heard the scream and took the stairs two at time until he reached her door. Not bothering to knock he opened the door and found her on the floor alternating between crying and screaming in pain. The telegram lay forgotten on the floor next to her.

Sitting down beside her, he pulled her into his lap feeling her grab his uniform in desperation. "Lew what am I going to do? He's gone, Frank is gone, and now I'm truly alone. Why didn't he let me die?"

He pulled her tighter against him feeling a stabbing pain in his chest that he couldn't name. Dick had told him what had happened in the aid station and now it was killing him. The thought of her dead was the most painful thing he'd ever felt. Rubbing his hand up and down her back, "Shh, it's okay baby, its okay."

It seemed they sat there for hours but in truth it'd only been minutes when he felt her lips against his neck. He kept rubbing her back thinking it had been a brief brush, but when he felt them again along with a tiny lick of her tongue, he knew he wasn't mistaken.

He felt himself grow hard beneath her and tried to shift her off him so she wouldn't notice. The moment he did that, she ground her hips deeper into his lap causing him to groan. "Lena, baby what are you doing?"

He felt her lips move against his neck and her chuckle vibrate in his chest. "Well Lew, if I have to explain it to you…maybe I should be with someone else."

Groaning again, he pushed her away from him and grabbed her head in both of his hands forcing her to meet his eyes. "You know that's not what I meant." Sighing he brushed the remaining tears away from her face, "I just don't want you to regret this, I want you to be sure and right now, I think you're hurting too badly to be sure."

"Lew, all I'm sure of right now is the last of anyone who was my family is gone. I'm so empty inside there is nothing left. All I want right now, right this moment is to be with you and fill that loneliness even if it's just for a short while."

When she felt his hands begin to relax, she moved in, pressing her lips against his. She dropped her hands to the buttons on his jacket. Opening his jacket, she immediately began working on his tie and shirt gaining access to his t-shirt quickly. Pulling the shirt out of his pants and sliding her hands underneath to stroke against his chest, she felt the hair on his chest brush against the palm of her hands.

Growling in the back of her throat, she wiggled around until she was straddling his lap. Pushing up closer against him to let the hard bulge in his pants stroke her where she needed it the most.

He knew he had to slow her down or he was going to lose it without ever getting inside her. Grabbing her hips, he held her against him but didn't allow her to move. Pulling his lips away from hers, he started a slow trip across her jaw and down her neck, tasting the saltiness of her tears. Releasing her hips, his hands made quick work of her jacket and as he began to pull it down her arms, he felt her nails lightly scratch his chest as she pulled her hands free to remove the jacket.

Lena decided to help him out and removed her t-shirt and bra before he could do anything else. Reaching out she grabbed his clothing and quickly removed everything she'd already unbuttoned, and quickly pulled his t-shirt off. She scooted forward again pressing her chest against his, kissing him deeply. It had been over two years since she'd been with any man, and right now she was feeling almost desperate to get him inside her.

Pulling away from him, she stood and made short work of the remainder of her clothing and taking a deep breath stood in front of him nude and waiting.

Smiling she closed her eyes as he got to his knees pulling her closer, his lips brushing against the wound on her side briefly before traveling up to capture her breast in his mouth. Running her hands through his thick black hair, she pulled him tighter against her.

"Lew I think you're over dressed, so why don't you remove your clothes and I'll meet you on the bed."

He smiled against her skin and stood, quickly removing the rest of his clothes while he watched her recline against the pillows like a well-fed cat. Lying beside her, he pulled her against him and went back to her breast. In his mind, they were her best feature, of the ones you didn't see every day any way.

Pushing him over onto his back, she quickly straddled his hips. "Lew, I know you want to make this special and well I'd love for it to be that way too, but I'm feeling a little desperate and want you inside me."

He had to grip the sheets when her small hand reached between them grasping him and holding him steady as she slowly worked herself down onto him. He knew he was probably the first man she'd slept with since her husband's death, but the tightness currently surrounding him and milking him confirmed it.

Once he was fully inside her, she sat for a moment trying to adjust to his size. Smiling up at him, she leaned forward and kissed him again, letting her hair falling down around them.

Slowly she began to move and watching the concentration on his face as she rode, the look was pushing her toward the brink. She knew that every stroke sent him closer to the edge, and running her nails down his chest, she began to speed up her rhythm pushing both of them closer to orgasm. The minute she felt his fingers brushed between her legs, she came and collapsed on his chest as she felt him release inside her.

Lew finally found the energy to move and pulled the sheet over them, tucking her into his side. He loved the feel of her fingers tracing small circles across his chest and her warm body pressed tightly against him. He was more content in that moment than he'd been in years.

He knew she was close to dozing off as he felt her fingers slowly relax on his chest; the words she uttered were so soft they were almost a breeze across him, a breeze that froze his heart.

"Thank you, Robbie that was the best"

Sitting up in bed, he pushed her away quickly getting up and gathering his clothes. Behind him, he sensed that she had sat up and was watching him dress.

"Lew, what's wrong?" He could hear the confusion in her voice and somehow that made it hurt all the worse. She really had no idea what she'd done.

"Look Lena, I can do a lot of things and I sure as hell can put up with a lot, but the one thing I can't do is compete with the memory of Robbie. I can't do it anymore I'm not him and never will be."

Lena sat staring at him for a moment, then a cold feeling entered her body, she knew immediately what she'd done. "Lew please, I've only ever been with Robbie period. You're only the second man I've ever slept with, and I need some time to let go of that."

His laugh was cold and distant, so unlike the warm chuckles she was used to. "Well sweetheart, it's been two damn years, so you should be over him by now."

"I can't believe you, you really are a bastard, just much more cold hearted than I'd thought. I knew loving you was a mistake. Get the hell out of here and don't ever speak to me again Lewis Nixon, let she-cat scratch your itch from now on."

He paused at the door and looked back at her then around the floor where her clothes still were. "Yeah well I might have had an itch, but I sure as hell wasn't the one acting like a dog in heat." The slamming of the door left her alone and hurting.

****

The next morning she somehow managed to pull herself out of the bed and go to the aid station. "Gene, what's going on?"

"Not much just trying to clean up something." Giving her a hard glance, he looked her over. "You look terrible; did you not get much sleep last night?"

"Uh no, not really I've had some things on my mind and well sleep wasn't one of them."

Gene nodded in understanding, "Hey, were not busy today so why don't you go back and lay down? Who knows maybe you can catch a few more hours or even an hour would make you feel better."

Smiling she patted him on the back, "ouch, I must look bad if you're trying to send me back to bed. But you know, I think I will I'll see you later."

Heading back to where she had been staying she realized that maybe some alone time would be good. She hadn't really dealt with Frank's death and then the whole issue with Lew. The pain and heartache in her chest were making it hard to breathe and she barely managed to make the last step, the tears threatening to flow.

Rounded the corner to meet a sight that made her more heartsick that she'd ever thought possible. Lew and Marcie were standing at her door kissing, his shirt only partially done up and her robe completely open displaying the fact she had nothing on under it.

Quickly stepping out of the hallway she listened as Marcie went on about how wonderful he'd been in bed and how she couldn't wait to be alone with him again. Nixon's familiar chuckled carried down the hall before she heard his boots approach and him move past where she was standing.

Hearing Marcie's door close she stepped back into the hallway tasting blood in her mouth. Looking down she saw where she'd bit her hand hard enough to bring blood in an effort not to cry when she'd heard them talking. Moving around her room she suddenly realized how cold inside she was.

The hope she'd had of killing herself ended when Robbie had made her come back, but she was quickly realizing a person could be alive, and be totally dead on the inside. The fact that Lew had gone from her bed to Marcie's had destroyed what little warmth there had been.

****

It was two weeks later when they got the word to move into Bastogne. In that, time Lena had either hidden in her room or stayed locked in the aid station. She'd heard from Doc that Dick had asked about her but there was no way she could face his compassion and understanding. To get through this with any sanity left she had to let go of any feelings. Dying on the inside was the only option.

Some how she'd managed to block out the fact Frank was gone and the anniversary of Robbie's death. She didn't want to think about it and she really didn't want to hurt any more. They'd been in Bastogne for two days and there was no shortage of work. Not that she was complaining. Keeping busy kept her from thinking and it kept her and Marcie apart. Dick hadn't let her go with the men, telling her that if her side got better she could come out at a later date, but right now she was probably more useful here.

Straightening up she tried to work the muscles of her back loose and pop her spine. She wished she was out freezing on the line when she heard Marcie's voice behind her.

"Well if it isn't little Miss Lena. Hmm, darling I think if you lose any more weight no man will want you."

Sighing she turned to face the other woman, "Marcie, I've done everything in my power to stay away from you…what in the name of all that's holy have I done now?"

Marcie's eyes narrowed and she poked her finger into Lena's chest hard enough to make her step back. "Don't think I didn't see you in the hallway that morning. But I'm going to make things clear to you one more time. Stay away from Nixon." The last few words were punctuated by another finger to the chest.

Shaking her head Lena laughed, "You know what, I have no idea why you're mad at me or why you keep thinking I'm trying to take him away from you. Hell he can't have either one of us anyway."

Marcie stepped back frowning, "what are you talking about that he can't have either of us?"

Lena giggled, "oh you didn't know? He's married. Got a wife and kid waiting at home."

The slap to her face came so fast that Lena didn't have time to react. The interesting thing was it didn't hurt, she was numb to everything. She hadn't realized until that moment though how far she would go to hurt Marcie as badly as Nixon had hurt her.

Marcie stood for a moment breathing heavily before regaining control. "You know what, he may be married, but I have something that will fix that. Just wait till he finds out I'm pregnant, then we'll see who has him in the end."

**Of course, a HUGE shout-out to captain ty who wrote out this brilliant masterpiece. I made a few adjustments, but it's pretty much all her genius. So, if you have the time, we'd really love some feedback. Thank you so much guys for reading. And thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter. I don't want to mention names at the risk of forgetting someone. But thank you so so much we love you guys!**

** We are in no way, shape, or form trying to disrespect those amazing soldiers on which this story is based. We only own Lena and Robbie and Frank. Oh and Marcie, whom I have officially disowned. And yeah Marcie went there that little whor-I mean brat. Anyways, we really hope you liked this chapter. I'd forgotten how good this one was until I read over it again. **


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

_Lena giggled, "oh you didn't know? He's married. Got a wife and kid waiting at home."_

_The slap to her face came so fast that Lena didn't have time to react. The interesting thing was it didn't hurt, she was numb to everything. She hadn't realized until that moment though how far she would go to hurt Marcie as badly as Nixon had hurt her._

_Marcie stood for a moment breathing heavily before regaining control. "You know what, he may be married, but I have something that will fix that. Just wait till he finds out I'm pregnant, then we'll see who has him in the end."_

****

"Why do you let her treat you that way?"

Lena turned to look at Renee and shrugged, "It doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore."

Renee sighed and watched Marcie go back inside, "Yes, well it may not matter to you but it does to me, so I'll deal with it. This foolishness has gone on for the last two weeks."

She watched Renee follow Marcie and slowly she followed as well. It was better to know why someone would be mad at you.

"You there! Yes, I'm speaking to you. I need you to go and boil the bloody bandages and hang them to dry."

Marcie looked at Renee and narrowed her eyes, "Who are you to give me orders? I don't work for you."

"No, but I'm in charge of this hospital such as it is and you'll do as I say."

Marcie pointed a finger at Lena and whined, "Why can't she do it?"

Renee looked at Lena who was watching with a neutral expression, "Because I have her doing something else now you need to get moving."

Lena watched her walk away and sighed, "While I know you meant well, you've probably just made my life worse."

Renee shook her head, "No I haven't, because if she continues to act as a child I'll have her empty bed pans too."

It was a couple of hours later when Lena and Renee were working to save a soldiers life, that Marcie ran past them and up the stairs looking green. Renee gave a small smile and Lena just watched. There would be hell to pay for that one she was sure.

Both women were standing at the base of the stairs talking when a male voice from the top had Lena looking up in shock.

"Don't worry, it'll be okay. I'll take care of things, but you really shouldn't be pushing yourself so hard, not with the baby and everything."

Lena watched as Nixon and Marcie walked back down the stairs together his arm wrapped tightly around her pulling her into his side. She could vaguely remember what it felt like to have him hold her that way. Watching them, she waited for the stabbing pain in her chest that would signify how hurt she was, yet it never came. She couldn't even muster a response as his dark eyes found her briefly before returning to Marcie.

As they passed her, Marcie laid her head on his shoulder, "No its okay I've got to keep working and it's only morning sickness, it'll pass. I'm much better now that you're here."

Lena closed her eyes and shook her head. Deciding it was better to leave she turned and walked up the stairs and out into the cold biting wind with only a shirt on. She was fascinated that the pain hadn't come. She found the only thing she did feel was dismay that he was buying that line of crap.

The chocolate bar that appeared before her was the only indication Renee was beside her. "No thanks, I found something better than chocolate." She waved the packet of cigarettes she was holding. "Much more satisfying personally."

"So why did you walk out?"

"No reason just needed a smoke and some air." Lighting up she tried to focus on the burn from the smoke as it entered her lungs, anything to make her feel alive.

"Hmm, so the man she walked in with had nothing to do with you walking out?"

"Not really, why do you ask?"

Renee gave a snort and broke off a piece of chocolate. "Well I've never seen you look at anyone, especially a man the way you did, or at least for a very brief moment."

Lena paused, "No, I just can't stand listening to her lies. Too bad he won't listen or I'd try to tell him."

"Tell me what?"

Nixon's voice had Lena and Renee spinning to look at him. She really was going to have to pay more attention to her surroundings.

Nixon was shocked when Lena turned to face him. He'd thought the lighting downstairs had been playing tricks and that was what caused her to look the way she did, but now he could clearly see that wasn't the case.

She put him in the mind of the German dead he'd seen on the line, frozen beyond the reach of mortal man. The dark shadows under her eyes extended almost to her cheekbones and speaking of cheekbones…she'd lost so much weight he was sure she was nor more than a skeleton with skin under the uniform.

Still the thing that had him most concerned was her eyes. At one time, they'd been the color of amber reminding him of warm cognac. Now they were the color of the mud he was standing in, dirty brown.

He waited for her to respond but she seemed frozen in place. She wouldn't even speak to him. Looking back at the church, he let his anger rise. This entire mess with Marcie was her fault, if she hadn't called him Robbie he'd never have slept with her and she wouldn't be pregnant.

Using that anger he pushed past any concern for her, "You need to back off Marcie. Right now, the last thing she needs is you riding her back. Can't you see she's sick, I thought you were supposed to be more compassionate or does that only apply to the dead?"

Renee looked between the two and only the faintest flicker appeared in Lena's eyes at the sound of the man's voice, but before it could grow, his words had dimmed the light. Lena was now watching the man with the same lifeless expression she'd worn since arriving in Bastogne.

The man then turned on his heel and began to walk off before pausing to turn back, "And eat something, you look like shit."

Beside her Lena took the last drag from the cigarette and tossed it into the ground. "Guess we should get back to work."

Renee grabbed her arm, "Lena, who the hell was that that you let him speak to you that way."

Lena watched Lew get back in the jeep and leave, expecting and hoping that any minute the pain would come only to fill the void, but as he passed out of her sight, she confronted the emptiness once again. Shaking her head, "he's no one. Let's go."

****

Days began to bleed into one another and Lena focused on one minute at a time. She'd not seen Lew again, but she was also working to stay out of Marcie's way just so she could avoid another run in with either of them.

When they brought the soldier in Lena and Renee exchanged looks over the medics head, knowing the man wouldn't live, but they had to try. Lena grabbed a nearby scalpel and began to cut away his pants and other clothing he was wearing. Moving quickly she paid little attention to what she was doing until Renee grabbed her hand to stop her cutting.

"It's no use he's gone. I'm going out for moment, can you clean this up?" Renee was looking hopefully at her.

Looking behind Renee, she saw Gene standing at the base of the stairs watching. She nodded her head and covered the soldier in the blanket they had brought him in and began to pick up the pieces of his uniform to see if they could use any of it for bandages.

Glancing down she saw fresh blood dripping on the floor and began to look around for where it might have come from. That's when she saw her hand. Somehow, she'd managed to slice it open from between her thumb and forefinger down across her palm. Holding it up she could tell it was deepest by the thumb area and was bleeding heavily but still she felt nothing.

Looking at it a moment, she stood fascinated and watched it bleed; once again the feeling of fascination crossed her at the lack of pain. Sighing she grabbed a rag and wrapped it around her hand to try to keep the blood off other things. She'd worry about cleaning it later. Unfortunately, it didn't hurt so it was easy to forget.

Gene was showing up about every three days usually with Easy Company wounded, but today he'd shown up trying to find supplies. For the most part, she'd been able to avoid him, but today she was the only one free to help him.

"How you doin' Lena?"

"Fine Gene, I've got some things set aside in the back if you want to follow me."

Bending down she picked up the box and tried to balance it between her hip and one arm, almost dropping it until Gene reached out and grabbed it. "Lena, what's wrong, not like you to drop things?"

"Guess I'm just tired, that should do you for a few more days; if we get another supply drop I'll try to grab a few more items for you."

He was about to turn away when he saw her holding her hand out to her side. Sitting the box down, he reached out and grabbed her hand. "How long ya been walking around with your hand in such bad shape?"

Lena shrugged, "I don't know. Now let me go I've got work to do." She tried to pull away only to feel him tighten his grip on her wrist.

"No way, not till I get a look at that. Now sit down here on this box and let me look then you can go back to work."

He gently pushed around the edges of the cut, seeing the discolored liquid ooze from the deepest portion of the cut. The hand itself was swollen and hot to the touch. Pushing a little harder around the edges, "Does this hurt?"

"I can't feel it." Sighing and in a quiet small voice, "I can't feel anything actually."

When he looked up at her eyes he saw that she wasn't lying, there was absolutely nothing there. "Well I need to open this up and clean it out is that okay?"

"Sure do what you want."

While Gene cut her hand open and washed it out, he noticed that not once did she flinch or even act like it he was doing more than holding her hand. Wrapping her hand, he gently laid it back in her lap. "Now, I'm going to be back in a couple of days and I expect you to be better, okay?"

"Sure Gene, whatever you want."

She felt him brush his lips across her forehead and watched as he rushed to catch Renee in between patients.

****

Doc finally caught Dick alone. "Sir, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure Doc, how are things in Bastogne?"

Gene rubbed his jaw, "Yeah that's what I came to talk to you about. I think there's something really wrong with Lena."

"Well why do you say that?"

"Ya see sir, that's the thing; she's lost a lot of weight and well people tell me she seems to work around the clock. I'm not sure what happened, but something did. When I went in today, she had a horrible cut on her hand that was infected and she told me she didn't feel it. That she couldn't feel anything, and I was wondering if maybe you could talk to her?"

Dick thought for a moment. The last time he'd seen her was when she'd gotten the telegram and then he thought he'd see her on a truck heading into Bastogne. Frowning he nodded, "Sure I'll head in tomorrow and try to catch her."

"Thanks sir, if I thought she'd have talked to me, I'd have done it, but maybe you'll have better luck."

Dick watched Gene head back to the line. He didn't think he'd have any better luck than him, but maybe he might now a few soft spots Doc didn't.

****

Marcie sat in the corner watching Lena move around the room doing her job but saying nothing. It was kind of strange, before Bastogne she'd always smiled and tried to be positive, now it was just like watching a doll go through the motions.

Frowning she thought about this new development. There had to be some way to snap her out of this. So far she'd been able to keep Lew away from Lena, but if he saw her now he'd start to ask questions and might want to spend time with her and that was something that Marcie couldn't allow.

Getting up she stepped in front of Lena gaining her attention. "Look I have no idea what your problem is moping about like your miserable, but this needs to stop. You're perfectly fine and no one here is going to care any way."

Lena stood and stared at Marcie waiting for this little tantrum to end. She knew better than to say anything, she'd just be blamed for it any way.

Marcie glared at her, "What is your problem? I'm sick and tired of you acting like some kind of walking statue. What do you think this is going to get you Nixon? I've already told you he's mine." Pausing Marcie felt her temper rise even further. "You little bitch." Lifting her arm, she slapped Lena across the face.

Dick came down the stairs to hear a woman's voice raised and turned in that direction in time to see Marcie slap Lena across the face. Moving quickly he was close enough to hear Lena which stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Are you done?" The voice was cold and distant, as if the person speaking wasn't there.

Marcie cocked her hip to the side propping her hand on it, "Yeah I'm done…for now. But don't think I'm going to let you get away with this."

Lena turned her head to watch Marcie walk off confused as to what she'd done this time.

"Lena let me look at your face." The gentle touch of Dick surprised her. She stood and let him brush her face where the angry red hand print had formed. "Are you okay, does it hurt?"

"No Dick, it doesn't hurt, nothing hurts any more. If you'll excuse me I need to get back to work."

Stepping to move past him Dick grabbed her arm. "No Lena, I want to talk to you. What's going on? You've never been this way, talk to me, and tell me what happened."

Lena stopped for a moment and closed her eyes, it would be so easy to open up to Dick and tell him everything: her pain over losing Frank, her sleeping with Lew, him turning around and sleeping with Marcie. Yes, it would be easy, but it wouldn't be fair. When she opened her eyes and met his concerned ones, she saw a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders and she wasn't about to add to it.

"Dick I'm fine, trust me. It'll be okay I promise."

"Lena, I know this has been a hard month for you. The anniversary of your husband's death, losing your brother, but you can't keep it bottled up or something bad is going to happen. Please just talk to me about anything."

Dick watched her closely and he saw nothing behind her eyes. He had to do something to get a reaction and quickly did the one thing he knew would cause a reaction in a woman, he kissed her.

Lena stood arms by her side and Dick pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Her logical brain acknowledged he wasn't bad, but it stirred no passion within her, which he must have sensed because he pulled back and looked at her smiling a little.

"Nothing huh?"

He saw just a ghost of a smile cross her lips, "Sorry, nothing." Placing her hand against his face, she stepped around him and froze.

Turning Marcie was standing there staring at them with a smug smile on her face. "Well thank you so much Captain Winters, you just made everything so much easier for me by kissing that little tramp." Turning she flounced off leaving them to wonder what she was talking about.

**Of course, a HUGE shout-out to captain ty who wrote out this brilliant masterpiece. I made a few adjustments, but it's pretty much all her genius. So, if you have the time, we'd really love some feedback. Thank you so much guys for reading. And thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter: AivieEnchanted and captain ty!**

**We are in no way, shape, or form trying to disrespect those amazing soldiers on which this story is based. We only own Lena and Robbie and Frank. Oh and Marcie, whom I have officially disowned. And yeah Marcie went there that little whor-I mean brat. Anyways, we really hope you liked this chapter. **


	11. Chapter 11

_Lena stood arms by her side and Dick pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Her logical brain acknowledged he wasn't bad, but it stirred no passion within her, which he must have sensed because he pulled back and looked at her smiling a little._

"_Nothing huh?"_

_He saw just a ghost of a smile cross her lips, "Sorry, nothing." Placing her hand against his face, she stepped around him and froze._

_Turning Marcie was standing there staring at them with a smug smile on her face. "Well thank you so much Captain Winters, you just made everything so much easier for me by kissing that little tramp." Turning she flounced off leaving them to wonder what she was talking about._

"Alright Lew, what did you do to Lena?"

Nixon looked up, his eyes red and blurry. Immediately Dick knew he'd probably finished the flask he always carried. "Now why would you come in here and automatically begin to blame me for what's was wrong with her?"

Dick sighed, "Lew you just don't understand, she's not herself and I know that it started after she got that telegram and I sent you after her so it's a logical pattern I'm following."

Nixon smirked, "Well, Dick the reason why I'm pissed at her is not only is she a slut whose trying to take my best friend from me, but she also likes to eavesdrop on other people's conversations. So whatever happens to her, she seems to ask for it."

"What are you talking about Lew? She's done nothing to try and take me."

"Yeah right so why was she kissing you in the aid station?"

Dick laughed, "You know for a guy who went to Yale you really are dumb. I was kissing her, not her kissing me. In fact she didn't react at all to my kiss."

He stared at Dick and couldn't seem to wrap his alcohol logged brain around what he was hearing. Dick had kissed her? Now that he gave it some thought, Lena hadn't had her arms around him. In fact she'd just been standing there.

"Okay that's explained, but you know this is her own damn fault any way. Do you know she called me Robbie after sex. Come on Dick you tell me how you'd feel?"

"Well first I'm a little confused. You slept with Lena then get mad because she calls you by her very dead husband's name?" Dick rubbed his forehead in frustration. "Lew let me ask you something, where did you go after you left her room?"

Dick might have laughed at Lew's blushing if the conversation hadn't been so serious. "Oh come on Nix; please don't say you went where I think you went?"

Nixon shrugged but wouldn't meet Dick's eyes which told him all he needed to know. "You've really screwed things up Lew."

"Hey it's not my fault, why don't you blame her for some of this? I'm the one facing a woman who's pregnant."

"Marcie's pregnant?!"

For a few minutes, Dick was quiet. "Well I could see as that would be a problem Nix, what with you being married and all. So that aside, what are you going to do about Lena?"

"Why the hell should I care what she thinks? This is all her fault; if she hadn't done what she did I wouldn't have ended up in bed with Marcie."

"How can you blame this on Lena? Did she strip off your clothes and force you at gun point?"

"No but damn it, she called me her dead husband's name right after we had sex."

"You know I'd probably have felt disappointed Lew, but not feel the desire to crawl into bed with a woman I really didn't care about. Have you ever asked Lena details about her husband?"

"No and what difference would it make?"

Sighing Dick shook his head, "Well it would have made a lot if you'd just tried. Lew her and her husband had been sweethearts since they were children. They had never been with anyone else, and the same day she finds out she's lost her brother, is the same day her husband died three years ago."

Dick watched as Nixon slumped down on the crate he'd been using as a chair. He felt bad about kicking him when he was down but knew it needed to be done, "Does she know?"

Nixon nodded his head, "Yeah she knows. But she didn't say anything she just looked at me like I wasn't even there."

"Well now you see why I've been worried about her. It's not just you she treats that way; she really is dead on the inside. Think about this Lew, the woman has lost everything and I think she might have cared for you so now she's lost you too. If you get to talk to her again, maybe you should fix things, if there is anything left to fix."

Nixon didn't respond. He knew it would take a miracle to fix this.

****

Lena woke to the sound of artillery in the distance and she couldn't help but worry about Buck and Dick on the line. Gene had stopped by yesterday to check her hand and was pleased that she'd done as he asked. She didn't want to tell him that Renee had done it, not her.

Easing herself off the cot she glanced at the makeshift calendar they had set up. Wow, today was Christmas Eve. Glancing around the small area she and Renee shared she saw the Belgium nurse was already gone. Pulling her boots on she took a deep breath and entered the makeshift hospital.

Renee caught her, "We are going to be busy, please go and round up as much as you can and have it prepped in the back."

Lena nodded and moved quickly to the back. Movement at the base of the stairs caught her attention and she glanced that way, only to quickly drop her head. Marcie and Nixon were standing at the bottom of the stairs and the way Marcie's hands were propped on her hips, she knew the woman was pissed.

Moving to the back she could barely see them through the stained glass as Nixon motioned around the room and pointed at her chest, finally throwing up his arms in frustration. She found herself smiling and wishing she could hear what was being said.

"Look Marcie, all I want to do is see her, why is that such an issue for you?"

Propping her hands on her hips, "Well let's see, didn't you see her coming on to your friend I mean why do you care what the little slut does? Shouldn't you be more concerned about me and how I'm doing?"

Nixon rubbed his hand through his hair, "Look, Dick wanted me to check in on her and I promised him. What is your problem? Come on," dropping his voice to a whisper, "you're carrying my child, where exactly am I going to go?"

Her face slipped into a sweet smile and she slipped her finger down her chest, "So Lew, what are you going to do about your wife?"

"Jesus, I can't believe we're having this discussion right now. Damn, you know I really made a mistake with you…but that's okay, don't worry, you and the child will be well taken care of."

Marcie hissed at him, "Let me make something clear to you…I'm not a 'mistress' you will do more than take care of me Lewis Nixon or there will be hell to pay you understand me?"

Nixon leaned close so no one would hear, "Don't ever threaten me little girl…you really don't know who you are dealing with." Turning he marched back up the stairs before he broke the stupid woman's neck.

Lena watched him leave and sighed. She wondered what had happened because Marcie was pale when she turned away from the stairs and Lew had looked upset when he left. Sighing she turned her attention back to creating little packets, what did it matter what had happened it wasn't her problem.

As dark came, candles were lit and several medics and assistants moved among the beds trying to bring what little Christmas cheer could be found. Lena stopped and closed her eyes leaning against the wall just having a small moment alone.

Christmas's at home were so wonderful. Reaching up she touched the necklace around her neck, the locket a gift from Robbie, originally containing their wedding photo and an empty space for their first child, the one that was never born. The tear slid down her face as she covered her stomach with her arm. Sometimes she wondered if Robbie knew now that she'd been pregnant when he died. Losing the baby a month later had been the final insult, leaving her with nothing of him.

"_Lena, baby, I want to talk to you, come to me sweetheart."_

Looking around her she saw no one close, and knew she was officially losing her mind.

"_No you're not sweetheart, I have someone who wants to see you, but you have to come outside now. No don't look around come outside."_

Lena moved silently across the room moving toward the stairs climbed upward. The sound of Robbie's voice in her head kept her moving. There was something so desperate in the voice. Why now after months was he calling to her? Stepping out into the bitter cold, the snow blew against her face stinging her eyes.

"_Awe sweetheart, you look terrible, you need to take better care of yourself. Come across the street, Frankie wants to see you one last time."_

Looking across the street she saw Robbie and Frank standing side by side looking as handsome as they had in life. Moving across the street she heard nothing but Robbie's voice calling to her, not even the droning sound of the airplanes overhead.

"_Lena, we love you, take care of yourself, we'll see you so much later." Frank looked to Robbie. Robbie smiled at her, "Baby I loved you more than life itself. I'll be with you again, but you are going to have a wonderful like…yes I knew about the baby, he'd have been my pride and joy."_

She took two more steps before everything behind her exploded and she was knocked to the ground.

Managing to raise her head and look across the street, she saw there was no one and the burning in her arm and the pain in her head over rode everything. She let herself slip into the inky darkness, hoping the pain of this life was finally over.

Roe pulled up just in time to see everyone rushing toward the destroyed hospital. There was no chance anyone got out of there and when he approached the ruins he saw Renee's kerchief. Bending to pick it up he tried to bury his pain. He'd not only lost a woman he might have developed more with, but he'd lost a friend. Looking into the remains he thought of Lena who was probably buried inside. Turning he headed back to the jeep taking him back to the line.

Dick saw Roe return from Bastogne paler than he'd left if that was possible. "Doc, want to come over for a minute?"

Roe paused and looked out to the line and then back at Dick. Moving into the tent he looked between Nixon and Winters.

"Doc, what's wrong, you look worse than when I sent you back?"

"Uh sir, well the hospital, uh God, well it's gone."

Nixon and Dick shared a look. "Okay so what do you mean that nothing is left?"

Roe swallowed hard, "Sirs Lena and Marcie are gone. They're dead, can I please go now?"

Dick nodded and turned to face Lew who'd lost all his color. "Lew I'm so sorry about Marcie, is there anything I can do?"

Nixon sat staring into space Roe's words repeating in his head. Lena was dead, she was gone and he'd never spoke to her and she'd always think he'd hated her. Dropping his head into his hands he felt Dick put his hand on his shoulder, but he couldn't find the energy to raise his head.

"I'm sorry Lew; let me know if there is something I can do?"

He knew his head moved, but couldn't find any words to answer to speak, he'd just realized that the woman he really was in love with was now beyond his reach. Raising his head he stood and looked at Dick, "Well you know maybe Lena's with her husband finally and she's happy. That's something isn't it?" Turning and walking out he didn't give Dick time to answer.

****

The noise surrounding her finally caused her to open her eyes. There was no way it was this noisy in heaven. Squinting against the light she gingerly pushed herself to a sitting position. Sighing she looked around the aid station. This one was working out of a tent and while busy, it seemed to be better equipped and manned than the one in Bastogne had been.

"Hey you're finally awake, how you feeling?"

Looking up she saw a medic she'd never seen standing beside her. "A little confused I guess. Where am I?"

"Well you're in an aid station. We made this one after the one in Bastogne was destroyed. You're a nurse right?" At Lena's nod he continued, "Boy you are lucky, everyone else was killed. Hey are you okay you don't look so well?"

She dropped her head between her knees. Renee was gone and by now Gene knew and she felt so sorry for him. Then there was Marcie. While she didn't feel bad the woman was gone, she did feel bad for Lew. She knew what it was to lose someone you cared for and a child as well. Somehow she didn't feel lucky, she knew that Robbie and Frank had saved her; once again she had been denied joining them.

Pulling herself together she raised her head. "Yes, I'm very luck. I'm ready to work, put me where you need me."

"Great come on then we just got a call that three are coming in, two missing legs and one possible trench foot."

Lena followed the medic out to meet the jeep never expecting to find Bill Guarnere and Joe Toye lying there each of them missing a leg.

"Bill, Joe, oh my God. Come on get them inside. Don't worry you'll be okay."

Bill reached for her hand and squeezed. "Boy doll, are you are a sight for sore eyes, we was told you was dead and yet here you are. Ain't that something Joe?"

Joe smiled at her, "Yeah something."

"Hey look Lena, they're bringing in Buck, maybe you could talk to him okay, I don't think he's doing too well."

She brushed her hand across Bill's hair, "No problem I'll take care of it."

True to her word she met Buck as he came in and spent every free moment she could with him. Looking into those red rimmed vacant eyes she suddenly realized why Dick had come to see her. Buck was as broken on the inside as she was and it was a scary thing to see in someone you cared for.

When Malarkey had shown up to say good-bye she'd stood off to the side watching and waiting for her turn. Buck had made some progress over the last week, but he had a long way to go before he returned to the man that had carried her out of a bar.

Buck saw her standing and opened his arms. Without hesitation she ran and let him enfold her in warmth. "Lena, you have to stop doing this to yourself. If Nixon can't see what a wonderful, beautiful woman that you are, then he doesn't deserve you."

"You're right Buck, I'm done crying over him and I'm going back to Easy Company where I belong. I'm going to miss you, please write me okay?"

Buck kissed her gently on the lips, "I'll write and you'll never be far from my mind. Take care of yourself and I'll see you soon."

Lena smiled and watched as the jeep took him away from her. Turning she marched back into the aid station and grabbed the first medic she could find. "You need to find me a jeep; I'm going back to the line to join Easy."

When the jeep pulled up Roe looked over and jumped to his feet when he saw who was getting out. Lena had barely gotten her feet on the ground when Roe had picked her up and was squeezing the air from her lungs.

"Gene, put me down, can't breathe, about to pass out."

Gene dropped her back to her feet and released her so he could stare at her. "I don't understand, I thought you were killed in the hospital bombing, how'd you get out?"

"Long story I'll tell you sometime, how about filling me in?"

He quickly explained that they were waiting on the order to move medical personnel into Foy and that she was more than welcome back. Grinning at her as they walked down the hill, "Wait till Captain Winters sees you."

Looking up she saw Nixon standing in the street alone looking over a map. Swallowing her pride she walked over and stopped in front of him. "Lew, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about Marcie. I know how bad you must feel and I just want you to know if you need to talk I'll be here."

He couldn't move, he couldn't breathe and he sure as hell thought he was dreaming. At that moment he wanted to ask God what he had ever done to deserve a second chance. She was talking and he didn't really care what she was saying, just the sound of her voice and her face. Tilting his head to the side he realized that her eyes had returned to amber color of cognac.

Smirking he moved toward her picking her up he kissed her before she could move. It took but a moment but he felt her arms come around his neck and her body melt into his. Slowly the cheering penetrated his mind and he released her lips and let her slide down his body.

As the clapping and cheering increased he smiled at her and turned away. Turning back over his shoulder, "You really need to gain some weight." With his world returned to normal he left her standing shocked in the middle of the street.

Lena put her fingers to her lips in an attempt to hold the feeling of Lew's mouth. When Gene bumped her shoulder she turned to face him.

"So you want to tell me what that was all about?"

Lena laughed, "I have no idea."

**Of course, a HUGE shout-out to captain ty who wrote out this brilliant masterpiece. I made a few adjustments, but it's pretty much all her genius. So, if you have the time, we'd really love some feedback. Thank you so much guys for reading. And thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter. This is my Christmas present to all of you have been reading. I hope it lived up to your expectations. I know a few people who will be happy with the end of this chapter. :D**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

_Smirking he moved toward her picking her up he kissed her before she could move. It took but a moment but he felt her arms come around his neck and her body melt into his. Slowly the cheering penetrated his mind and he released her lips and let her slide down his body._

_As the clapping and cheering increased he smiled at her and turned away. Turning__back over his shoulder, "you really need to gain some weight." With his world returned to normal he left her standing shocked in the middle of the street._

_Lena put her fingers to her lips in an attempt to hold the feeling of Lew's mouth. When Gene bumped her shoulder she turned to face him._

"_So you want to tell me what that was all about?"_

_Lena laughed, "I have no idea."_

****

"So you're the nurse I've heard so much about."

Turning she meet the cold eyes of Easy's new commander, Ronald Speirs. "Yep that's me and you must be the cold hearted bastard who's the new commander."

He laughed, "Yeah but don't tell anyone I said this…I like you, I think we're going to get along just fine." Turning he started to walk off but paused and looked over his shoulder at her, "Oh yeah, and it's Ron to you."

She smiled, "Lena to you." Both of them smiled and she watched him head back to where Lipton was standing.

"Wow you got some guts talking to Sparky like that." Gene's voice held a touch of awe.

She shrugged, "Nah, he's not that bad, he makes me laugh."

They had been moving and taking one town after another for the last week and by now she, Gene and Spina wanted nothing more than to sit down and sleep. So when the nuns in Rechamps brought out their choir to sing and offered the church as some place to sleep, the three of them piled in a corner together.

Lena was smart enough to get between the two men to keep warm but Spina's snoring was keeping her awake. Turning to talk to Gene she found his back to her talking to one of the nuns in French. Easing out from under Spina she propped him up on Gene's back and headed down to the other end of the pew.

She didn't realize that she'd dozed off till she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, come with me."

Ron pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arm around her shoulders letting her lean hard against him. Sighing she actually cuddled closer for a moment enjoying the warmth from his body. Damn men and them always seeming to be warm. Closing her eyes she let him lead her along until he pushed her down on something soft.

Suddenly realizing she was sitting on a bed brought her wide awake. "Hey now, look I know I'm the only female around but I don't work that way."

Ron eyed her as he removed his boots. "No I never thought that about you. Look, I'm married and all I want to do is see that you're well rested. Hell, I'd never make a move on you even if I was single."

Lena rolled her eyes, "Well thanks that just makes me feel that much better."

"No I didn't mean it that way, I just see how you look at Nixon when no one is watching. I know I wouldn't come close, but I thought that since I was the company commander and had certain privileges," waving his arm around that room, "What's wrong with you and me sharing them?"

Lena frowned, "Well I don't know what you saw when I looked at Nixon, but it really doesn't matter. Second, I'm all for sharing a bed as long as that is all you expect."

Ron grinned at her and dropped his boots, "Good drop those boots and let's sleep tomorrow will be an early day, we're heading out."

She groaned and dropped her boots and jacket, leaving her t-shirt and pants on. She noticed Ron did the same and rolled to face him and as he crawled into bed.

"I'm sorry I accused you of trying something."

With him on his back she saw the corner of his mouth lift into a smile and one arm rise in silent welcome into his arms. Once she'd settled her head on his chest she heard his voice rumble through his chest. "It's okay; I'd think something was wrong with you otherwise."

The pounding coming from the door made Lena snuggle closer to whoever's back she was against and mumble, "You get it."

Finally she heard a sigh and the warm body slipped away. When the door opened she rolled over to see Lipton looking shocked but not overly. "Hey sir, Captain Winters says we got thirty minutes."

Speirs nodded his head and gave some instructions before shutting the door and coming to sit in the chair next to the bed. "So did you sleep okay?"

Lena rubbed her eyes and smiled, "Yes and thank you. That's the first sleep I've had in months that I didn't dream."

Ron finished his boots and stood to leave. "You've got about ten minutes." Walking to the door he paused before he opened it. "Thank you too. It was really nice just to sleep with someone again."

Watching the door close she realized no one here really knew or understood Ron Speirs at all.

Climbing onto the truck Gene gave her a strange look, "So you want to tell me where you spent the night?"

Smiling sweetly, "Not really but it was in a real bed and we'll leave it at that."

He frowned, "yeah well Winters was looking for you. Nothing too important, but just so you know he'll probably be looking for you today."

"Gene why don't you just say what you want and get it out of your system?"

He sighed and turned to face her. "Look, I just don't want to see you hurt again and I don't think that Speirs is the right man for you is all."

"Hmm, I see well then who would you suggest because Gene to be really honest, I'm tired of being alone."

"Well you know I thought you and Captain Nixon…"

"Stop right there Gene, Nixon and I could've might've had something, that died well before Bastogne, let it go. Furthermore why can't I just be friends with someone?"

Gene's face turned red, "I'm sorry Lena, I didn't mean anything I just care about you."

"I know you do, but I'm a big girl let me worry about myself okay?"

Nodding Gene kept quiet. Lena felt bad, but she was tired of everyone wanting to rule her life. If she wanted to sleep with Ron then that should be her decision, not anyone else's.

When the truck jerked to a halt Lena slammed against Gene. "Sorry, guess I got a little too comfortable."

Before Gene could reply, "Well hey look what the cat dragged in."

Lena looked up to see Webster walking toward them. Frowning, "Webster?!"

He grinned at her, "Damn you're still here?"

"Yeah I'm still here, where have you been, you've missed all the fun."

Grinning at her, "Well you know I've been in the hospital and then in the replacement unit, but now I'm here."

Beside her Liebgott snorted, "You must've liked that hospital a lot because we left Holland four months ago."

Webster at least had the smarts to look a little embarrassed, "Yeah well busting out wasn't all that easy."

Joe dropped on the ground beside him, "Yeah, well Joe Toye found a way and so did Bill."

Brightening at the sound of the other men's names, "Yeah so where is Sergeant Guarnere?"

Lena dropped beside him, "Lost his leg in Bastogne, same as Toye. Welcome back."

"I was told to rejoin second platoon, so here I am."

Malarkey looked at him, " I'm not so sure about that, why don't you head down to the CP and see what Captain Speirs says."

Looking confused Webster watched everyone walk past grabbing Lena on her way by, "Speirs, what happened to Winters?"

"Oh Winters is at battalion, Speirs is Easy's commander, come on I'll show you where to go."

Grabbing his things he fell into step beside her. "So you want to catch me up on what's been going on?"

"Well I think you know about everything…I mean it's been a bad four months and I'd just rather not talk about some of it if you don't mind."

"Uh yeah sure no problem, so what's going on between you and Nixon now?"

Stopping right before she entered the CP she glared at him, "Webster are you stupid, I just said I don't want to talk about it." Turning on her heel she went to where Lipton was sitting on the couch, "Hey how you doing?" She put her hand on his forehead to test his temperature.

"Well I'm better now that you're here."

She laughed, "Yes, well I brought you a present. Webster here needs a platoon."

Lipton nodded, "Grab a seat Webster; we'll talk about it in a minute. Hey Lena, Speirs has been looking for you."

She laughed, "Well lucky for all of you I'm here now."

"Will you please go in the back and rack out? There's clean sheets."

Lipton nodded and mumbled a 'yes sir', and then he pointed to Webster quickly explaining the need to assign him to a new platoon. Speirs waved in that direction and went over to stand beside Lena.

"How you doing?"

Giving him a smile, "I'm good, but you know if you keep checking on me like this, people are going to start to talk."

Giving her a smirk he took the cup out of her hand and took a drink. "Good."

Her response was stopped by Nixon and Winters entering the room. Winters immediately started talking about the fact that they had to have a patrol tonight. Lena did her best to ignore Nixon who was currently leaning against the doorjamb watching her.

The interesting thing to her was that when Speirs came and stroked her hand to gain her attention that Nixon's jaw tightened up. Hmm, that wasn't what she expected.

"What's he looking at?"

She turned to look at Speirs who's entire body language said he was being more into her than normal. "Okay," she whispered, "What are you doing?"

Glancing over her head he looked back down at her and smirked, "Let's just say there are some people around here who need to realize a few things." He brushed a loose hair behind her ear before turning back to Lipton.

When she glanced at the doorway again, Nixon slammed his helmet back on his head and stomped out of the room.

Watching Ron and Lipton talk about the upcoming patrol she made a decision. She put her hand on Ron's shoulder, ignoring the Lieutenant and Webster. "Ron I want to go and I think they'll need a medic. Please, let me go."

She watched as Speirs and Lipton exchanged looks before he answered. "Okay, go sack out and get some sleep. I'll wake you up before the briefing."

Leaning in she kissed his cheek and moved to his room in the back of the house.

****

"Damn it Dick did you hear what I said? Ron's letting her go on the patrol tonight, how could he do that?"

Dick sighed and stopped any attempt at paperwork. "Nix, I've got no idea why you are so upset. Ron commands Easy and he makes the decisions. Why are you questioning his choice?"

Pressing his lips together hard he took a moment to compose himself before replying, "Look, I just got her back, I've had no time and well putting her on this patrol could cause me to lose her again. Please Dick, you can talk to Speirs."

"My question to you is why haven't you talked to her? I've noticed that you've gone out of your way to avoid her."

"Gees Dick I don't know, but I do know I don't want her on this patrol"

Deciding to make Nixon squirm a little more he picked up his paperwork, "So have you talked to Ron about it?"

"Are you kidding me? He's part of the problem there is no way I'd talk to him about her!" He was almost shouting by the time he finished his speech.

Dick bit the inside of his jaw to keep from laughing, he'd noticed what Ron did every time Lena and Nixon were in the same room and if Lew's little speech was any indication it was working.

"Okay Lew, I'll talk to Ron, but in the end it's still his choice."

****

"So Ron, I don't think Lena should go on this one, you need to find another medic."

Ron lifted an eyebrow and smirked, "Nixon right?"

Dick coughed into his hand, "Yeah, give him this or he'll just be impossible to live with."

Ron nodded, "Okay, but you get to tell her. In fact here she comes, I think I've got to see…well I'm not going to stand here. Good luck."

Dick smiled at Lena as she walked up, "Hey Lena, how are you?"

"I'm good Dick, where is Ron going; I wanted to talk to him about the patrol tonight."

"Yeah Lena, about that patrol, I overrode his decision, you're not going now."

He watched as her eyes narrowed, "So let me see if I understand this, you just made up your mind that you aren't going to let me go?" She sighed, "You're sure it was your choice and yours alone?"

Dick knew his face gave him away when he saw her shake her head. "Fine Dick I won't go, but I've got a man to see. I'll talk to you later."

"You interfering, controlling bastard!"

Nixon had only a moment to dunk before her helmet came sailing across the room toward him.

"Okay what have I done now?"

Walking over she picked her helmet back up and glared at him, "You know what you've done. Let me tell you something, I'm not a replacement in your bed for Marcie and you won't control me. I'm sick and tired of people telling me what to do. Stay away from me Nixon, you don't own me and have no rights to me. Next time I won't miss."

Nixon watched her go not having any idea how to fix what he'd just done.

**You can all thank the wonderful, amazing captain ty for writing up this chapter. It's all her brilliant work. We only own Lena. Everything and anything that you recognize we don't lay claim to. :)**

** Thanks again for the feedback as well and we hope you can give us some more on this chapter. **


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

_Nixon had only a moment to dunk before her helmet came sailing across the room toward him._

_"Okay what have I done now?"_

_Walking over she picked her helmet back up and glared at him, "you know what you've done. Let me tell you something, I'm not a replacement in your bed for Marcie and you won't control me I'm sick and tired of people telling me what to do. Stay away from me Nixon, you don't own me and have no rights to me. Next time I won't miss."_

_Nixon watched her go not having any idea how to fix anything. _

He stood looking over the river trying very hard to listen to what Dick was saying but all he could think about was the look on Lena's face. The anger and warred with the sadness and he still had no idea who she was really feeling. Well that's not exactly true…she was pissed when she tossed the helmet at him, but said when she spoken of Marcie. Yep, that was going to be a mistake that haunted him forever.

"Nix have you heard a word I said?"

"Uh no, sorry guess my mind was somewhere else."

"Hmm, this wouldn't have anything to do with Lena now would it."

"Guess news travels fast huh?"

Dick laughed, "yeah Luz was more than happy to tell the tale of her almost taking your head off with the helmet. He's decided if they ever play ball she would make the perfect pitcher…apparently she has a good arm."

"Oh yeah laugh it up, it wasn't your head she nearly took off. Look I'm going to wait till the patrol goes then try to talk to her again. Maybe she'll listen to me this time."

Dick kept his silence. He doubted right now Lena wanted to hear from any of them. In fact Ron was probably the only male who could get close to her and not have his head taken off.

As the patrol pushed off, Nixon headed into Easy's CP to find Lipton still propped up on the couch, looking better than he had, but still a little green.

"Hey Lip, how you doing?

"Hey sir, better than I have been, breathing is a little easier, still not great though. What brings you by; I'd have thought you would be with Captain Winters."

Scratching his head, "yeah well I was but I thought I'd come by and talk to Lena, you seen her around?"

Lipton nodded his head toward the back rooms, "yeah she's back in the Captain's room, want me to get her for you."

Nixon's hands clenched, but he somehow managed a smile, "nah, I'll head back myself. See you around Lip."

Heading down the narrow hallway it was easy to find Speirs room, the door was cracked and a faint light was coming from within. Stopping at the door he thought about knocking but decided against it. Pushing the door open he saw the candle on the table and clothes strewn across the floor.

She was laying with her back to him on the far side of the bed, but it was obvious she was only wearing her t-shirt and the side of the bed closest to him showed signs of someone having left it not that long ago.

Stepping closer to the bed he looked down on her for a moment. The faint bruising under her eyes never seemed to really disappear, but with her hair down around her she looked so much younger. Sighing he reached out to play with a curl rubbing in between his fingers. He'd screwed up when he left her for Marcie and he really had no one to blame for her not wanting him but himself.

Still the anger came, she had to know that Ron was married, yet she shared his bed like it was no big deal but had tried to take his head off when she found out about him. It just didn't make sense.

The machine guns firing reminded him he needed to get moving. Quietly turning and heading back to the door he heard someone enter the front and yell for her, leaving him no option but to hide behind a shrunk hoping she and whoever was calling wouldn't see him.

"Lena, damn it woman wake up!"

Lena was wide awake and moving at that call. Ron never used his commander voice with her but when he did it had to be important. She was just pulling up her pants and he pushed the door open.

"Come on we got problems you need to get down to the barn, I'll get Roe to help."

Grabbing her bag she started out the door to pause a moment and look around the room. She had the strangest feeling she was being watched.

"Now Lena, damn it you need to move your ass."

Nixon watched her pause and look around the room, her hair was longer now and falling past her shoulders, she didn't even bother with pulling it back just put her helmet on and ran out the door.

Stepping from his hiding place he waited until quiet returned to the front room and started that way, it was empty when he got there, so he knew whatever had happened it was going to be bad.

"Move get out of my way." Moving quickly she came up on Jackson lying on the table his face swollen and damaged. "Give me light, someone get some light in here."

She saw Jackson's one good eye focus on her. "It's okay, look at the light and listen to the sound of my voice, you're going to be okay. Focus on taking deep breathes."

Looking up she saw Gene next to her, "Doc, go ahead and start treating what you can see then we're going to move him out of here." Her voice was steady and calm which was in direct contrast with the men panicking around her.

Jackson was beginning to struggle for breath and crying out the words she'd heard so many times in Bastogne, the desire for his mother. Taking his hand she spoke to him low and soft, "Jackson you're going to be fine. Relax don't struggle and the air will come much easier, yes I know you don't want to die, you're not going to die here."

Looking away, "okay boys lift him up and get him on the stretcher we need to move."

Still holding his hand she moved with them to the door until his struggle to breath became him not breathing at all. "Wait, stop get the light back in here, Jackson damn it come on don't give up…Jackson." Dropping her fingers to his neck she felt for a pulse and found now. He was gone and she'd lied to him, he'd died here in this barn, begging for his mother.

Slowly releasing his hand she sat back on the ground and ignored the yelling going on around her about whose fault it had been and threats to shoot the two prisoners. Shooting the prisoners is what got her moving.

"Stop it you bunch of fools. You shoot them his death means nothing." Seeing all eyes on her, "I'm telling you now, someone go get Winters and Nixon and get them turned over and stop attacking each other. There's been enough death tonight."

Not waiting to see if they listened or not she walked outside and down to the river. The full moon reflected off the water making it appear to be peaceful and calm. Looking down at her hands she could see the blood reflecting purple in the moon light. Not giving much thought, she wiped them off on her pants.

She waited for the sadness to come, like it had so many times in Bastogne when she'd been up to her elbows in blood and the man beneath her had been screaming for his mother and died alone. But this time something was different, she wasn't sad, she was angry…angrier than she could remember being in a long time. If she'd gotten to him sooner she could have combated the shock that killed him.

Sooner…that key word. If Nixon had kept his nose out of it she'd have been right there when the injury came and she could've made Jackson focus, she could have treated him. So really in the end it was Nixon's fault he was dead, well anger was the one thing she could deal with right now.

Turning away from the water she headed back up the hill to the house she knew Dick and Nixon shared a room in. To hell with it, if Dick was there then he'd get a piece of her mind too.

Being too far gone to bother with niceties she kicked the door open to find a very shocked Nixon standing there almost as if he expected her. "Well I hope you are happy Lew, really pleased with yourself. Because of you and your controlling ways Jackson is dead. You have no idea of what it is to be denied what you want; you have to have it your way. Do you realize if I'd been on that patrol there is a good chance Jackson would still be alive? Well do you?"

He couldn't respond he was actually struck by how beautiful in that moment she was. Her hair was flowing wild and uncontrolled and her eyes seemed to glow almost with a yellow tint. He'd honestly never see a woman that angry nor had he ever wanted a woman as much as he wanted her in that moment. He no longer cared she was probably sleeping with Ron he had to taste her, taste the fire and passion he saw in her eyes.

Reaching out he grabbed her arm and pulled her to him sealing her lips with his before she could scream. The taste of her in that moment was more intoxicating than an entire bottle of Vat 69; he could taste the hurt, anger and passion all wrapped together in that kiss.

Lena's hands were trapped between them, she had no idea what to do, but the desire to wrap her arms around him was pushing all other thoughts from her brain. Then the sound of Jackson crying for his mother brought her back to rational thought. Putting her hands against his chest she managed to push free of him.

"You can't kiss me and expect to make things all better, Nix. I'm not Marcie and its time you realized that."

Rubbing his hand across his face, "yeah that's right you're not. But I guess you've got Sparky to fill all those empty spaces in your heart and all those other places now don't you? So let me ask you, does he make the nightmares go away?"

Turning she caught something in his eyes she'd never expected to see; sadness, jealousy, and anger all warring in his eyes. Sighing she dropped her hands, "yeah I do, he does all those things for me." Turning she left Nixon exactly where she found him standing in the middle of a room alone.

Running until she was out of breath she entered the CP at a run. When Lipton and Luz saw her face all they could do was point at the back. Running down the hallway she found Ron sitting in a chair drinking something that looked like brandy. As soon as he saw her he stood and opened his arms and held her close when she ran to him.

Petting her hair, he just held her until she stopped crying. "It's okay; there was nothing you could have done. You did your best." Feeling her head shake no against his chest he lifted her head and looked into her eyes.

Sighing he sat down and pulled her into his lap giving her a drink of the liquor. "This isn't all about Jackson is it?"

Still not speaking the words, she shook her head again.

Pulling her back down to his chest he sighed. "Do you want me to shoot him for you?"

The giggle against his neck loosened the tight hold on his chest. If she could laugh, it'd be okay.

"No, so I won't shoot him, I'll just let you throw something at him, maybe this time you won't miss."

The giggle came again then the soft kiss against his neck that had him wishing things could be different. "Close your eyes and try to sleep; it's almost morning any way." Just a few moments later he felt her go lax against him.

The sun streaming in caused her to twist away from its bright light and roll into Speirs chest. His arm came around her pulling her closer, "you don't have to move just yet, feel better?"

She buried her face in his neck, "well I feel a little better. I'm sorry about Jackson Ron, I tried."

"Shh, you did the best you could and I know you did. Winters did a good thing while you slept; he called off a second patrol."

Sitting up she looked at him, "how long have I been a sleep?"

Smiling he pulled her back down to his chest, "about twenty-four hours, remind me to never make you mad, once you went out I couldn't wake you up."

Curling further into him, "have I mentioned you make a really great pillow?"

"No but I need to get up. Take your time, I'll come back for you when we need to move, I know you don't want to face him any sooner than you have to."

"Yes well you're right about that. I'll be here." Closing her eyes she drifted back to sleep before he'd even left the bed.

The noise from the other room woke her. She was alone in the chair with a blanket thrown across her. Getting up and stretching she wondered out to the main room to see Luz packing up.

"Okay so I can assume we are moving again."

Luz tossed her a candy bar, "right you are, now grab your stuff and get outside, the boss will be looking for you."

When she got outside she went to the truck where Roe and Spina were standing. "Hey guys, this the truck we're in?"

Doc grabbed her bag and tossed it in. "Yep this is us, hey you look like you got a little sleep, the bruises aren't as noticeable."

"Wow Gene, way to make a girl feel good about herself."

Gene was about to respond when Ron yelled for Lena. "See you guys in a few minutes."

"So Sink says your uniform is missing something." Tossing Dick a box Nixon waited for his reaction.

"These are oak leaves."

"Congratulations Dick."

"Thanks Nix, so did you get to talk to Lena?"

Nixon looked across the road to where he could see Speirs and Lena standing very close. "Uh not exactly, she kind of yelled and I listened." Nodding his head at the scene across the road, "It's also hard for me to compete with that."

Dick watched as Nixon's entire body tensed as Ron leaned in and kissed Lena on the cheek pushing her off toward the truck with Doc in it. "You know Lew it might not be what you think."

Turning to look at Dick, "yeah it is." Without another word he climbed into the back of the jeep and pulled out his flask. If he ever needed a drink it was now.

Ron gave her a critical look in the light. Some of the bruising had faded, but he knew better than anyone that she really didn't sleep. There were times she pulled him close in desperation and others where he had to hold her to him to keep her from hurting herself. Those nights he always knew it was Bastogne that kept her awake.

"Look I want you to sleep, you look terrible."

"You know Ron; you really know how to warm a girl's heart. But for you I'll try."

He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "I'll see you tonight and I expect you to look better."

Laughing over her shoulder, "yes Daddy."

**Like I just said with LMHH, in a really huge rush. I'm going down to my mom's and dropping off my little brother and his friend....anyways, I hope you all like this. And thanks to everyone who reviewed for last chapter and thank you all for reading. Captain Ty and I really, really appreciate it. Okay we mean no disrespect to the men of Easy on whom this story is based. :)**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

_"Look I want you to sleep, you look terrible."_

_"You know Ron; you really know how to warm a girl's heart. But for you I'll try."_

_He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "I'll see you tonight and I expect you to look better."_

_Laughing over her shoulder, "yes Daddy."_

She really hadn't slept and she knew based of the looks Gene was giving her there would be hell to pay. Luckily it was dark and she knew Ron would be too busy to pay attention to her.

Dragging herself up the stairs she kept her head down and tried to avoid the Germans rushing down the stairs past her. She could hear Ron yelling over all the noise and followed the sound of his voice. She stepped aside to let the German family pass then entered the room with a couple more Easy guys going out.

When he turned to look at her he frowned. "Well I can see you don't listen very well."

She shrugged and dropped into the chair closest to her. "I'm sorry, I was going to but it was too uncomfortable and well I've become spoiled…I miss sleeping with you."

Ron knelt in front of her and cupped her face with one of his hands and brushed his thumb under her eye. "That's possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. However, we'll discuss the finer points of this later; right now you've got to sleep, so let's go find a bed."

She let him pull her to her feet and followed him into the bedroom. Dropping her clothes she crawled into the bed in only her t-shirt and waited until he got into the bed. Putting her head on his chest she listened to his heart and tried to relax.

"What's wrong, normally you are passed out the minute you lay down."

Sighing she reached for his hand. "I don't know I'm exhausted but…"

"But you can't stop thinking about things can you?"

"No. There has been too much lately. I don't want to think any more, when I sleep I dream and it's not always pleasant." Laughing she hugged him closer, "there was a time when I had the best dreams, I was haunted, but not like this."

Threading his fingers through her hair, he slowly massaged her head. "Lena, close your eyes and think about the happiest time in your life, or else you'll make yourself crazy."

Closing her eyes she let him massage her head and dropped into the dream.

_He was waiting on her. This was the happiest day of her life, she was finally marring the man she loved and they were going to start their life together. Beside her Frank held out his arm to escort her down the aisle._

_Arriving by Robbie's side they joined hands and said the words that would bind them together forever. Smiling up into his eyes, "I love you so much."_

_He laughed, "not as much as I love you." Bending down to kiss her she let her eyes slid closed and pulled him close. As he pulled away she opened her eyes to smile up at him and instead of Robbie it was Lew._

_"Why are you here?"_

_That now familiar smirk came, "did you ever think that maybe I'm really what you want?"_

_Looking around her she realized they were no longer in the church but back in the aid station in Bastogne and it was completely empty. "You know I'm not so sure about you. How can I trust you Lew?"_

_He pulled her close again, "you can. I've learned from my mistakes, and I do love you Lena, come on, give me a chance."_

_Sighing she leaned against him, "alright then kiss me and let's see how it goes."_

_Just as his lips were about to touch hers…_

"Lena, come on wake up, while I appreciate the kisses first thing in the morning. This is going to lead to something that won't be good for either of us."

She jumped away and sighed. "I'm sorry Ron, you said think about something that made me happy and well…my wedding kind of did it for me."

Laughing he sat up and started to dress. "Don't worry about it. But hey, you do kiss very well." Still laughing he threw her clothes at her. "Come on sweetheart, let's get moving, the war waits for no one."

Grabbing her clothes she quickly dressed and followed him outside and headed over to the trucks.

Gene grabbed her bag and threw in the back and pushed her into the truck. "Well at least you look better today."

"So where we heading for this time?"

"Don't know except deeper into Germany."

Leaning back she closed her eyes she leaned back and tried not to think too much about the dream. It might have meant nothing, but then again, maybe it was her subconscious way of saying she did care about Nixon.

Stuzelberg, Germany

She put it off as long as she could, but the fact she hadn't seen Nixon in a couple of weeks had her concerned, normally the man made a pest out of himself and made sure to either see or talk to her. Entering the battalion CP she found Dick bent over some reports.

"Hey Dick, I don't want to bother you, but have you seen Nixon?"

Dick gave her a smile, "nice to see you Lena, it's nice to see a friendly face right now. I'm tired of paperwork. Nixon, uh I thought you had heard he's jumping with another unit as an advisor. Funny you should ask though I would have expected him back."

"What do you mean jumping with another unit?"

"Well Sink was asked to provide an advisor and Nixon volunteered to do it. Besides I think he was looking for an excuse to get away from regiment."

She wrinkled her nose, "yeah that I understand all too well, they have no sense of humor up there."

"Tell you what Lena, when he shows back up, you want me to come find you?"

Smiling, "yeah that would be good; I think we might need to talk."

Dick couldn't contain his excitement, "finally I've been trying to convince him to talk to you, but I think you're both too stubborn for you own goods."

She shrugged, "maybe, maybe not, guess we'll see won't we." Turning she headed back out the door put was stopped by Dick one last time.

"Lena, can I ask you, what's going on between you and Ron?"

"Nothing Dick, we're friends and he's one I can have without coming between friends."

"You know you're a pretty smart lady, Nixon would be a fool to let you get away."

"You say the nicest things Dick, but yeah he would wouldn't he?" Chuckling she turned to head back to the aid station.

It was later that same day when Dick stopped by the aid station. Catching Lena alone he shut the door. "Nixon is back and maybe you might want to wait on that talk for a while, he's not at his best."

Frowning, "no Dick, now is exactly when I need to talk to him. Do you want to give me a little hint on what's happened?"

Dick quickly told her about the jump and Nixon's reaction to the entire thing. "I can't talk to him when he's like this, maybe you could try."

Lena laid her hand on his arm, "don't worry Dick it'll be fine."

Stopping outside the closed door she put her hand against it. Maybe she was fooling herself, maybe this wasn't the right time. _"Oh come on baby, since when have you turned chicken? You know you want to see him, so for it."_

Nodding her head she opened the door before she had time to think about it anymore. He was sitting facing the door having given up any pretense he was drinking straight from the bottle.

"Well here you are did you come to rub it in?"

Starting across the room toward him, "Lew I would never do that to you. Why would you even think something like that?"

He held up his hand to stop her. "Oh I bet you're happy now. This will give you and Ron something to talk about tonight. Poor old Nixon had his whole world turned upside down. I still have yet to write those damn letters home to those boys from the 17th who never even made it out of the fucking plane"

Walking slowly over to him, she took the bottle from his hand and set it on the table. "That's not what you need right now, give me your hand."

When he took her hand she pulled him to his feet and headed back into the open bedroom. Pushing him down on the bed she turned and closed the door, making sure it was locked. "Lew, I should have told you sooner how much I care for you, I hate seeing you this way and drowning yourself in alcohol isn't what you need right now."

He laughed, "yeah, well if it's not then what is it that you think I need."

Silently she stepped between his legs and leaned it stopping just before her lips touched his. "I think you need something to remind yourself you're still very much alive." Pressing her lips against his she pushed him back on the bed and straddled his hips.

He knew he should be mad at her. She'd put him through hell, ignoring him, then sleeping with Ron, but here she was when he truly needed someone. Someone for a short while that would make him feel whole again. He pushed his hands into her hair pulling her closer. The taste and feel of her surrounded him making him forget everything but her.

Her soft moan was enough to encourage him. Moving his hands down to her shirt he had it unbuttoned and off without ever breaking the kiss. Letting his hands slide back up her sides he cupped her breast, causing her to moan louder. Pulling his head away from her lips, he pushed her to a sitting position and followed her up to suckle at her breast.

Lena closed her eyes and ran her fingers through his hair, the only thing she couldn't deny was that she was attracted to Lewis Nixon and he could make her body throb in ways she'd not felt since Robbie died.

"Lew, not that I want you to stop, but you're a little over dressed."

She squeaked as he tossed her off his lap and stood removing his clothes as he went. Giving her a smile, "don't worry, I can correct that."

Crawling back onto the bed he pulled her under him and went back to her breast. "Have I mentioned how wonderful I think you look naked?" He murmured against her skin.

"Well not lately, but thank you all the same."

Leaving her breast he began to kiss his way down her body removing the rest of her clothing as he went. When he had her completely bare he ran his hands up and down her body. "You really didn't give me time to appreciate you last time."

When her eyes opened he saw that same glowing yellow tint. "You know right now I want you inside me. I need you Lew and it's been too long."

Bending to kiss her again he moved his hips between her legs and ran his hand down her center. She was hot and wet and he knew from experience she would grip him tight. Bracing his weight on his forearms he slowly began to enter her watching as the pleasure took her features.

When he was half way inside her he stopped. "Look at me Lena."

Looking up she met his dark eyes, she had a split second to brace herself before he spoke again. Something in his eyes gave him away that he was about to do something they would both regret.

"I want you to watch me as I take you. Make sure you understand it's me and not Speirs, he'll never do to you the things I can." He thrust the rest of the way into her making her cry out in pleasure. Her body screaming for release, even as her heart broke.

Closing her eyes she met him with every thrust and used her nails on his shoulders for a grip. "Harder Lew, please, harder." Tightening her legs around him she struggled to find release.

He knew she was close bending down he kissed her neck dropping one of his hands between her legs. With the first touch of his finger her whole body arched in release and he quickly followed her.

As his heart rate slowed he rolled off beside her dropping an arm over his face. He was tired, maybe if he just closed his eyes for a few minutes.

Lena finally opened her eyes and sat up. Lew was softly snoring beside her. Reaching out she brushed his hair away from his forehead and curled up beside him. She was in love with him, even though she knew nothing but pain could come of it, she still loved him and to have him alive beside her filled her with joy. Closing her eyes she quickly fell asleep.

The morning sun was in his face and when he tried to roll away from it he came in contact with something else in his bed. Opening his eyes he saw Lena lying beside him still asleep. Raising an eyebrow he quickly realized that he hadn't been dreaming last night he'd really slept with her. Reaching out he slowly ran his hand down her arm.

Lena stirred and opened her eyes to see Lew staring at her, his hand rubbing slowly up and down her arm. Smiling softly, "morning Lew, how do you feel this morning."

He smirked, "better now that I realize last night wasn't just a dream. Speaking of which, how did you sleep?"

Rolling over to her back she stretched and purred like a cat. "Wonderfully, no dreams, it was the best night's sleep I've had since before Bastogne. Even Ron hasn't been able to keep the dreams away."

At the mention of her sleeping with Ron something dark and twisted grew inside his chest making him lash out before he could think. "Well you know I guess he's just not the fuck I am now is he. So does this mean you'll be fucking me now on a regular basis or just tradeoff between us?"

Lena's blissful feeling was destroyed immediately. "No Lew, it's not like that, but..why would you say that to me?"

Getting up he grabbed his pants turning his back on her. "Well why not, you've ignored me for, gee I don't know a while now and I see you cuddle up to Speirs and then last night you're suddenly in here screwing my brains out, so what should I think."

She slowly left the bed and began to gather her clothing and put it back on. Once she was dressed she stopped and turned to face him. "You're supposed to think I care, which I do, but maybe you need to think about it some more."

Turning she left the room walking past Dick without even acknowledging he was there. She knew where she was going she just didn't know why. Stopping at the closed door she didn't bother to knock but opened and closed it quietly.

He was still in bed, but awake and lifted an eyebrow when he saw her, a frown marring his features. Patting the bed beside him he waited patiently while she crawled up next to him and buried her face in his neck. He could feel her tears running down his neck and onto his chest. Closing his eyes he pulled her closer to him.

He wouldn't ask what had happened, he had a good idea. She'd spent the night with Nixon, which could only mean that Nixon had screwed up everything this morning. Sighing he kissed her head and let her cry herself to sleep.

**Captain ty and I hope you all enjoyed it. I know I had a great time rereading it. In fact, I went over all the chapters and dang! You guys are in for one hell of an ending. Hehe! I love being the all-knowing poster of this story. :) Please leave a review if you have the time. Thank you to captain ty, Dean's Leather Jacket, and AivieEnchanted for reviewing the last chapter. **


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

_He was still in bed, but awake and lifted an eyebrow when he saw her, the frown marring his features. Patting the bed beside him he waited patiently while she crawled up next to him and buried her face in his neck. He could feel her tears running down his neck and onto his chest. Closing his eyes he pulled her closer to him._

_He wouldn't ask what had happened, he had a good idea. She'd spent the night with Nixon, which could only mean that Nixon had screwed up everything this morning. Sighing he kissed her head and let her cry herself to sleep._

When her tears had dried up, she pulled herself free from his arms and scooted to the edge of the bed not meeting his eyes. She couldn't face him right now, once again he'd picked up the pieces in his own silent calm manner.

From behind her she heard him get up and start getting dressed. He stepped into her field of vision. "Take a couple of minutes then we need to get moving. Winters wants us to move out today." He put his fingers under her chin and tried to raise her head only to have her turn her head away from his hand. His sigh spoke volumes. "Okay then, well I'll deal with this later. See you downstairs in ten; don't make me come after you."

The slamming of the door told her he was gone and she forced herself to her feet walking over to the mirror where she found she had problems meeting her own eyes. Finally forcing herself she saw they were red and swollen from crying a situation that seemed to always occur when she dealt with Lew. Why did being in love with someone have to cause so much pain?

Pulling a brush through her hair she tried to restore herself to something that resembled normal. Once she felt sure she didn't look any worse than normal she grabbed her medical bag and headed downstairs.

Ron caught her eye and pointed to where Roe was standing and turned back to finish speaking with Lipton. From across the way she saw Lew watching her and quickly dropped her head. She knew it probably appeared she was guilty of something but she didn't care, she couldn't face the coldness in his eyes without crying again.

Tossing her back in she settled next to Roe who merely shook his head at her appearance. "Do I need to ask?"

"I really wish you wouldn't Gene."

"Alright, I'll let it go, but you really need to…"

"Yes Gene, I know what I really need to do. Thank for caring though." She laid her hand on his. "I know you mean well, but this is something that isn't easily fixed."

He squeezed her hand, "I know that, but I can't help myself, you're my friend and I care what happens to you."

Nodding she closed her eyes and leaned against his shoulder. Maybe she could sleep till the end of the war.

_Berchtesgaden_

She loved Bavaria, after the month they'd had, even coming here, into a situation that could be dangerous was such a relief. While everyone was a little disturbed by the fact there was no one in the town, they were also relieved there would be no fight, at least not here.

She followed Ron and the other officers into the hotel making sure to sneak past Nixon while his back was turned. For the last two months they had done little but avoid one another either her leaving a room when he came in or him ignoring her. She felt terrible about it because it was killing her.

Ron kept telling her he'd come around, but she doubted it. Every time she saw him her heart broke a little more. The time was coming soon when she'd have to tell him she loved him. She'd tried so hard in Landsberg to tell him, but then his anger at his soon to be ex-wife coupled with finding the camp had everyone out of sorts.

She watched as Ron and Dick exchanged words then Ron was walking back toward her grabbing her by the arm and pulling her with him. "Okay, normally I wouldn't do this but you're coming with me."

Jogging beside him, "okay so where am I going with you exactly?"

"The Eagle's Nest. I can't leave you here with him, so let's go. Stay behind me and do exactly what I say."

Sighing loudly enough there was no way he couldn't hear her, "yes master, I'll follow you're every command."

Turning back he frowned at her and pointed at the jeep in a silent command to get in.

The hardest part of taking the Eagle's Nest was the trip of the very narrow twisting road, which left her motion sick by the time they arrived. Following behind Ron they all jumped when a bottle of champagne was uncorked, sounding like a gunshot.

Now they were sitting together splitting a bottle between them and listening to Harry carry on with silly comments. She managed to get into the sun and was contemplating leaning back against Ron and dozing, when she heard his voice.

"Well thanks Harry for letting me know the alcohol was out here."

Looking up she met his eyes and tried to smile but the motion sickness seemed to return with a vengeance and putting her hand over her mouth she nearly hurdled the lounge chairs to get around the corner from the men before she puked.

Nixon looked over at Ron and shrugged, "wow I've never made a woman leave a room as fast as she did. Have I done something?"

Ron laughed, "you just don't get it do you? Wow and here I thought you Yale boys were smart."

Nixon grabbed a bottle and sat beside Ron, "okay, so why don't you enlighten me, or do you need to go chase your girlfriend."

The smile that crossed Ron's face would have scared most but both men were too drunk to care. "Nix, we've been through this, she isn't my girlfriend, I have a wife. I've just made it my job to take care of her, something you've seemed incapable of doing. Now if you really want to know…"

Dick entering the patio stopped the conversation between the two men. "Okay listen up, are you listening?" Dick wasn't sure if they understood anything right now, all of them seemed pretty tanked. "All units stand fast, the German army surrendered."

Lena was leaning against the wall and heard the news as well as the men congratulating each other and she'd have loved to join them but she was afraid of throwing up again.

She heard Dick call Nixon's name and tell him he had a surprise for him and peaking around the corner she saw both men leave. Turning back to look out over the patio she felt another wave of nausea hit and closed her eyes in an attempt to settle her stomach.

The scuff of boots on the stone gave her a moments warning before two arms came around her. "Feeling any better?"

She let herself relax into his embrace. "Yeah a little, I have no idea what caused that, I mean one minute I was fine the next, well you saw that."

He chuckled, "well I think I know what's wrong with you."

Turning she frowned at him, "really doctor Speirs, well please tell me so we'll both know.

Smiling he started counting, "well first do you realize you don't sleep anymore, maybe an hour or two a night and it has nothing to do with nightmares?"

The negative shake of her head had him continuing, "second, you've put on some weight, which I might add looks very nice on you and finally when's the last time you…well you know that female thing."

She opened and closed her mouth several times but remained silent trying to think of what he was getting at.

He laughed at her, "Lena, honey I think you need to consider the fact you could be pregnant."

She couldn't have been more shocked had he slapped her. The fear that he was right went down her spine sending the nausea back into full complaint. Heading back to the balcony she could do no more than dry heave.

His arm around her help to brace her until it passed and then the tears began. Not sobbing, just crying and right at the moment she couldn't have told you if they were joy or sadness.

"Oh my God, you're right, we didn't use anything and then I really haven't paid attention over the last couple of months and oh Ron I'm going to have a baby." The smile on her face had him smiling as well.

"Well alright then. Guess the first thing we need to do is get you off the line. You can't stay here anymore, and then you have to tell Nixon."

"Oh my God, I think I'm going to be sick. I can't tell him, he doesn't love me, so I'm not going to have a man that doesn't love me tied to me over a child."

"Lena, we've had this argument, I think you're wrong and not telling him this is the worst thing you could do. He's the father you have to tell him."

Crossing her arms she glared at him, "let me tell you something I don't have to tell him anything and if you and I had that kind of relationship would you want to know?"

Rubbing his face, "that's not the point and yes I would like to know if I was going to be a father besides, I think this could be the talking point you've been looking for. He's already lost one child because of the divorce, don't you think he might deserve another chance."

Frowning she thought about what Ron had said, maybe if she talked to Lew that would give her the chance to tell him she loved him. Sighing she hugged him, "okay, I'll try I promise."

Time passed and she couldn't find time to talk to Lew and the next thing she knew another month had passed and they'd moved to Zell Am See. Ron had been right about one thing, she wasn't sleeping at all. She'd lay down sleep for maybe an hour or so then pace the rest of the night.

Tonight was no different. She'd been trying to two days to get Lew alone and had failed turning she headed back across the floor hitting the same squeaky floorboard she'd hit for the last hour.

Hearing a loud sigh, "would you sit the hell down? You're making me crazy with the pacing."

Turning to face him she could feel the tear well up in her eyes. Damn hormones were making her crazy too. Every time someone said something the least bit stern she would tear up. "What!? You try dealing with all this and see how much sleep you get Ronald Speirs."

He could hear the tears choking in her voice and got out of bed. Pulling her into his arms, "I'm sorry baby, I'm just cranky too. I know you have a lot on your mind, but come back to bed, maybe I can find a way to relax you."

She giggled against his chest, "you know the last time a man said that to me I got pregnant."

Laughing he pulled her back down on the bed and pulled her close. Running his hand up into her hair began to massage her scalp knowing that usually worked to put her out.

Sighing she relaxed against him, "I never told you, but I was pregnant when my husband died. I never got the chance to tell him."

Ron felt his chest tighten, he didn't want to ask, but was dying to know. "So, what happened to the baby?"

"It was so hard to lose Robbie. I stopped eating, stopped doing anything. I would have stopped breathing if that had been possible. I woke up one morning the bed was covered in blood and the baby was gone. I've been thinking about that a lot lately."

He kept rubbing her scalp but pulled her closer, "why have you been thinking so hard about it?"

"Well I've been thinking that you're right. I should tell Lew and he deserves to know, but I was three months when I lost the baby and I go to sleep every night and wake up afraid that the baby will be gone too."

"That's not going to happen. I promise you, you're going to be fine and so is the baby. But now tonight, we need to sleep."

Curling tighter against him, "I know. I love you Ron, you are the closest thing to family I have now."

He suddenly found he couldn't speak so he just pulled her closer and lay staring at the ceiling long after she had dozed off.

Lena had decided that no matter how beautiful Austria was, today was a very crappy day. She'd chased Nixon all over the town only to find that when she thought she had him, he'd moved on to another location. By the time she got back to the room she shared with Ron, she was hot, tired, pissed and her ankles were swollen.

Dropping her shoes and most of her clothes she crept out onto the balcony that ran the length of the hotel, moving away from her room and stood watching the moon reflect on the water. Sighing she realized her time was quickly running out she would leave in three days and head back to the states and if she didn't talk to Nixon soon it would be too late.

"So why is a lady as beautiful as you standing out here under the moonlight alone?"

Turning she saw him standing behind her a glass in his hand, his named escaped her lips almost in a gasp. "I've been looking for you all day. I really needed to talk to you."

Smirking he moved closer to her, "well I'm here, so what's wrong? Sparky not taking good care of you?"

Swallowing the angry retort she laid her hand on his chest, "no this has nothing to do with Ron, and everything to do with me and you."

She watched as he sat the glass down and moved closer to her his lips stopping just shy of her, his breath caressing her face, "I've missed you Lena, for tonight, just tonight, could I be enough?"

Reaching up she pulled his head down to fuse their lips together, she could taste the whisky on his tongue and the almost desperate need coursing thru his body. Pulling back for a moment, "yes, for tonight this is all I need."

Reaching down he picked her up and sat her on the balcony wall running his hands up her sides he cupped her breast. Kissing his was across her jaw and to her ear she heard him chuckle. "You know I think you're putting on some weight, these are much bigger than I remember."

At the mention of her larger breast the reality came crashing back and with it the tears. Pushing him back she hopped to the ground and stood crying and panting all at one time.

"Damn it Lena, what is it about him that keeps you from me, is he that much better? I've tried but you won't let me in, I want to know why."

Turning on him, "Lew, I will tell you for the last time, none of this has to do with Ron, but everything to do with you and what you did to me over Marcie. I love you Lewis Nixon, but you've done everything in your power to push me away and I can't fight any more." She stepped closer and punched him in the chest with her finger, "mark my words, one day Lew, one day you're going to regret tonight, maybe even more than me."

Turning she walked away from him and away from Ron choosing instead to be alone she wandered down to the lake, sitting on the dock alone.

**Hm....once again Lena and Lew are the epitome of horrible communication. I hope you guys like this update. Everything but this here author's note was written by captain ty, so when you compliment the writing, it's all her. lol We don't mean any disrespect to the men on whom this story is based and own nothing but Lena and all original plot structure. Oh and please review if you have the time! We really appreciate the feedback. Thanks to everyone who reviewed for last chapter and any new readers we may have picked up. Hehe :)**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

_Turning on him, "Lew, I will tell you for the last time, none of this has to do with Ron, but everything to do with you and what you did to me over Marcie. I love you Lewis Nixon, but you've done everything in your power to push me away and I can't fight any more." She stepped closer and punched him in the chest with her finger, "mark my words, one day Lew, one day you're going to regret tonight, maybe even more than me."_

_Turning she walked away from him and away from Ron choosing instead to be alone she wandered down to the lake, sitting on the dock alone._

Dick stretched on his way to the dock, the sun was warm and he knew the water would be cold until his body adjusted to the temperature. He didn't even have words to describe how wonderful it was to swim every day, eat hot meals and sleep in a comfortable bed.

Stopping he gazed up at the light filtering between the trees amazed at the beauty of the world could go on regardless of the war surrounding it. He had decisions to make and for the first time it only effected him not other men. Taking a deep breath he headed forward to the pier he normally swam from. The last thing he expected to see was a woman laying there asleep.

Bending down he put his hand on her shoulder, "hey Lena, what are you doing here? I didn't realize that piers were the new sleeping spot."

Rising up she looked around, the sun was shining brightly and while still early morning she would have thought someone would have missed her. Rubbing her hand across her face she tried to smile at Dick. "Well it wasn't my plan last night however your friend reconfirmed what a bastard he could be and I decided being alone was better than putting up with either of them."

Dick sat beside her cross legged. "Okay, do want to tell me what he did now?"

She couldn't help but snort, "well let's see first telling me I was fat, then he started talking about Ron, refused to listen to me…yeah I think that covers it."

"Let me guess he was drinking wasn't he?"

"Gee Dick, is there ever a time where he isn't drinking. I tried for the last few days to tell him I love him and it's just become impossible."

Dick stared at her for a moment, "you love him? Wow, I was beginning to think that you and Ron might have, well you know."

She laughed, "see Ron and I are more like family, he just kind of adopted me what can I say, he's taken very good care of me and it didn't cause problems between you and Lew if I was with him."

Dick's blush confused her, "Dick what's wrong?"

"Well I'm just surprised you felt that way about me. But I do thank you for not causing problems, even though it took the pleasure of your company away." He bumped his shoulder into hers. "Oh yeah, Ron says you're leaving?"

She dropped her head, "yeah I'm leaving tomorrow and well its better that way. I need to find a way to have a normal life and well Robbie's gone, Frank isn't coming back, so yeah I need to get it together."

"Well you know you could always stay till we pull out, that way you'd not be alone."

Standing she smiled down at Dick and for a moment he saw the sadness in her eyes. "Sorry Dick, but let's just say it's not possible. If I don't see you again, take care of yourself."

Dick watched her walk away having a strong feeling he was missing something.

The day had passed quickly and she'd stayed locked inside her room. She couldn't risk running into Lew again, tomorrow was going to be hard enough without adding anything to it.

Sighing she watched the sun set and finished packing the last of her things. Glancing over at Ron's desk she walked over and sat down pulling out a pad she did her best to write what she was feeling. If she could get the words right then she could have Ron give it to Lew after she felt.

Finally finishing she put it in an envelope and piled it with her other things. She trusted that Ron would deliver it; he was just that kind of person. She hadn't realized how late it had gotten till she looked at her watch. Sighing she started to undress only to stop when someone pounded on the door.

Opening it she found Roe on the other side. "Gene what's wrong is someone hurt?"

"You got to come quick, Captain Speirs is going to kill him if you don't."

Grabbing at his arm she tried to slow him down and figure out what was going on. "Gene, what happened who is Ron going to kill?"

"Grant was shot in the head earlier tonight and we finally found a Kraut surgeon to work on him and well he's going to live but Sparky sent the men to find the man who shot Grant. They found him and Sparky was headed that way and I've never seen the man that mad, he's gonna kill him."

They entered the hotel to see the men gathered around in a circle. Ron had his back to her and his hand moved for his pistol.

Moving quickly she rushed across the room and grabbed his arm. "Ron don't please he's not worth it."

The look he gave her actually scared her. The eyes were black and totally emotionless. The same arm she was holding gave her a hard shove and then he backhanded the man in the chair with the pistol. Not bothering to look her way, "get this piece of shit to the MPs."

Turning to head out the door he was stopped by Talbert, "sir, Grant's dead isn't he?"

She watched Ron stop for a moment and collect himself. "No, Kraut surgeon says he's going to make it." Turning he continued out the door.

Glancing around she followed him out the door and down the street, she had to find him, she couldn't leave with him being mad at her. "Ron please stop, tell me why you're so mad at me? What did I do?"

He turned on her so fast she slid trying not to run into him. "You want to know why I'm mad at you, woman has Nixon caused you to go stupid? I've know you for months now and you of all people in that room should know me better than that, did you really think that I would shoot him? Do you really think that I would stoop that low?"

"Don't you yell at me Ron Speirs, you couldn't see yourself. You were going to do it; hell you've done it before what was to stop you now? Let me count the rumors you shot your sergeant for disobeying an order and you're accused of shooting twenty German POWs. So why should I think someone who'd almost killed one of your men would get any different treatment from you. Remember Sparky, you aren't exactly know for you calm demeanor."

She was panting by the time she finished her rant and she almost missed the flash of pain in his eyes. She was thinking about that when the eyes went flat.

Stepping in close to her for the first time since she'd known him she stepped back from him. "Let me tell you something Lena, of all the people in this unit, you were the one I trusted to always see the real me and now I can see I was wrong. Sorry I didn't live up to your expectations."

Before she could speak he'd turned and walked off from her. Dropping her head she realized that she'd been wrong and she'd let her anger get the better of her. She did know him better than anyone and if she knew anything she knew she'd just hurt him terribly.

Starting back to the room they shared she tried to think of ways to tell him she was sorry and all of them came out sounding lame. As she started up the stairs a horrible pain went through her stomach that put her on her knees. Grasping the banister she panted and put her hand against her stomach waiting for it to pass.

As the pain eased she pulled herself to her feet and went to their room quickly pulling her clothes off, dropping boneless to the floor when she saw the blood on the crotch of her pants. Clutching the pants to her she sat rocking in the floor; it was happening all over again, she was losing her baby.

He'd waited as long as he could before heading back to the room. He'd wanted to give them both time to calm down before going back. They both said things and done things he knew neither one of them would have done normally. Quietly opening the door he expected to find her curled in the bed asleep. He had to admit he was going to miss her when she was gone.

Frowning he saw that not only was she not in the bed, but her clothing was scattered all over the room. "Lena, honey where are you?" Moving to the far side of the bed he saw her lying on her side in the floor clutching her pants to her and staring off into space.

"Lena, come on sweetheart, talk to me tell me what's wrong? Come on you're scaring the hell out of me." Looking down he saw she had one hand clutching the pants and the other over her stomach. Gently pulling the pants away he saw the blood on them and immediately knew what had happened.

Placing his hand over her stomach he pulled her up into a sitting position so he could see her face better. The light flutter under his hand had him looking down thinking he'd imagined it, until it came again almost as if he was trying to hold a butterfly in the palm of his hand. Smiling he put his other hand on her face. "Sweetheart, the baby is fine."

Her eyes were wild and terrified when they met his, "no it's not I'm losing it, did you see the blood, how can you say that the baby's fine?"

Smiling he took her hand and place it under his. As if the baby knew it fluttered against her hand. "Oh my God, he's okay, he's okay."

Ron laughed, "yeah, the baby is fine. But honey, look at me, after tomorrow I'm not going to be there for you at least not for a while any way. And you're going to have to learn not to worry so much, Lena. If you do you'll only be hurting yourself and the baby."

She nodded her head, "you're right, I've got to learn to calm down. Ron I'm so sorry about the things I said earlier. I do know you better than that and I just let my emotions get the better of me. Please forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive, we were both upset and let's just move past it."

Smiling sitting there with his hand over hers resting on her stomach she realized that Ronald Speirs was one of the best things in her life. Leaning forward she kissed him on the lips.

Pulling back they both stared at one another for a moment, the feeling of the kiss lingering on their lips. Leaning back toward him she found he met her half way, his hand coming up to grasp her neck. Their lips meeting again Lena scooted toward him on the floor and opened herself to the kiss.

For a moment they lost themselves in the passion of the moment before Ron pulled away kissing her on the forehead. "Come on let's get you into bed, tomorrow is going to be hard enough as it is. You need all the sleep you can get."

Nodding she allowed him to put her in the bed, frowning when he moved away to sit in a chair, not moving to undress. "Ron, aren't you coming to bed?"

"Not right now, I just need a moment; I've got too much on my mind."

Sighing she closed her eyes and was asleep in moments. Ron knew his sleep wouldn't be coming. Something in that kiss had him wishing things were different. Maybe it would be good for all of them that she was leaving tomorrow.

Standing beside the aircraft Lena looked around one last time. Ron had put her bag into the plane and was now standing beside her waiting. "Lena, I talked to Dick, Lew was passed out so deeply that he couldn't wake him. I'm sorry we both tried."

She smiled at him and handed him the letter. "That's okay I know you did. Give him that if he's ever sober enough to read it."

The engines started and she knew it was time to go. Throwing herself into his arms she buried her face in his neck so he wouldn't see the tears, "please come see me sometime. I love you Ron."

Without looking up she boarded the plane and let the door close without turning.

Dick was sitting on the patio when Ron appeared. "So has he gotten up yet?"

"No not yet, she's gone I take it?"

"Yeah I just put her on the plane. She left this for him, why I don't know and before you ask, I have no idea what it says."

Dick took the letter and turned to look at Nixon who'd just made and appearance. "Well speak of the devil. Ron why don't you go ahead I'll take care of this."

Nixon frowned at the look Ron was giving him but turned to look at Dick. "Okay someone want to tell me what's going on?"

"Have a seat Lew. You want to answer a question for me, what do you feel for Lena?"

Nixon shook his head, "well I've always been attracted to her and yeah I could very easily be in love with her if she'd give me a chance. I mean check this out; now that I'm divorced I was hoping that I could give her this."

Dick looked at the box Nixon sat on the table and he knew what was in it without even opening it. Sighing he handed the letter to Nixon. "Lew you need to read this, she left it for you when she left this morning. I'm sorry Lew."

Getting up he left Nixon alone to read whatever was in the letter. Turning it over a couple of times he noticed his hands were shaking. He knew that nothing would bring her back, but maybe something in the letter would help him find her.

_Lew,_

_I've tried to find you and tell you this in person but we just keep missing each other and then well the last time I was alone with you…yeah well that didn't end well. So here goes I love you Lewis Nixon and always have, probably since the first day I met you. I'll always love you Lew and wish you all the best. You were wrong about me and Ron, he was like the family I'd lost, never a lover. Thank you for what you've given me._

_Lena_

Folding the letter and picking up the ring box he headed back to his room dropping them inside his duffle bag and picking up the bottle of Vat 69. There was only one way to handle this and it was too get blind drunk.

**Thanks so much to everyone who's been reading. I really appreciate and so does captain ty. Speaking of whom, once again a HUGE shout out to her since she wrote this story. She's amazing and if you think so too, then you should leave a review if you have the time! Thanks again and the new chapter should be posted sometime next week. :)**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

_Lew,_

_I've tried to find you and tell you this in person but we just keep missing each other and then well the last time I was alone with you…yeah well that didn't end well. So here goes I love you Lewis Nixon and always have, probably since the first day I met you. I'll always love you Lew and wish you all the best. You were wrong about me and Ron, he was like the family I'd lost, never a lover. Thank you for what you've given me._

_Lena_

_Folding the letter and picking up the ring box he headed back to his room dropping them inside his duffle bag and picking up the bottle of Vat 69. There was only one way to handle this and it was too get blind drunk._

_Washington, 1945_

Lena splashed cold water on her face and tried to restore normal to her appearance. She been working as a nurse here at Walter Reed hospital for two months and every day had been a struggle. When she'd returned and told the Army she'd secretly wed they kicked her out with a small severance package but had it not been for Robbie and Frank's life insurance she would have starved to death.

When she'd returned and actually seen a doctor, he'd told her she was four months pregnant and today would make the eight months. Reaching down she rubbed her hand over her stomach feeling the baby kick back against her hand. Ever since the scare in Austria she worried ever day and every day he kicked her to reassure her that he was alive and well.

The one thing she couldn't seem to shake was the constant exhaustion. She had never been so tired in her life. Looking in the mirror she realized just how bad she looked, the bruising was back under her eyes and she was so thin. She didn't remember looking this bad in Bastogne.

Turning to the door she headed back out onto the floor, Bastogne was the one thing she tried to never think about. Sighing she saw the other thing she tried not to think about; Doctor David Chadwick. Clenching her hands she felt the nails dig into her palms until they bleed. The man had harassed her ever since she came to work here. He sent her small gifts constantly asking her out and in general making a pest out of himself.

Every day he found her and sat with her at lunch or walked her home. The man was so annoying but he was the chief of surgery so she couldn't afford to tell him off or she would lose her job, now he was making a bee line for her and there was nothing she could do that would distract him.

"Lena, how wonderful I found you. I wanted to know if maybe tonight I could escort you to dinner and a play. I have tickets and it seems such a waste not to share them and you work so hard."

Smiling her sweetest smile, "David that is so nice of you to ask, but I'm not sure I'm the woman you want to be asking for those things, isn't there another lady who would be more correct to attend such a function?"

Taking her arm he led her off into a secluded area. She tried hard to tense and not let him know she couldn't stand his touch.

"Well you see Lena for the last few months I've tried to get you to go out with me and you keep coming up with excuses to avoid me. I'm beginning to think you don't like me."

Sighing, "David, please you have noticed that I'm very pregnant right? Does that not give you some indication that I'm married if I'm pregnant? Please I'm very tired it really has nothing to do with you."

He ran his hands up and down her arms, "well I assumed that there was a man in your life sometime or another but I've not seen any indications of a husband. Come on no one comes around to have lunch with you, escort you home at night. These are the things a husband does."

Clenching her jaws, "once again I'm going to explain that my husband is still in Europe and it hasn't come home yet. So I will not be unfaithful to him and I find it a little offensive what you've been doing for the last four months. Dear God I'm eight months pregnant and you've shown no respect for me or my husband."

Jerking her arm away from him she pulled herself up straight, ignoring the pain in her back when she did it. "Let me explain this to you. You are a nice man, however I love my husband and that is all there is to say about it."

David grabbed her arms and jerked her close to him, "look you little slut, I know there is no husband so that means you are nothing but a little slut trying to cover up the fact you're pregnant without a father. So let me tell you something, when that baby is born you'll come crawling back."

"Uh Doctor, there is a man here looking for Lena and well he is a little impatient so if you don't need her anymore…"

David released her arms, "go ahead and we'll talk later. Just remember Lena, I'm the one who's still here."

Lena turned to follow the nurse rubbing her arms. "Okay so who is looking for me?"

The girl stopped and turned facing her with the biggest smile on her face. "Oh sweetie, I wasn't kidding about someone looking for you. Didn't you say your husband was in the Army? Well this man is wearing a uniform and holy cow he is hot…in fact he's hotter than hot, so if that's your husband I'm sorry, but holy cow."

Lena frowned at the girl, "look if it is my husband, I think this is not a good conversation to be having. Just lead me to where he is waiting."

The girl grinned again and Lena rolled her eyes following her. Her stomach was really hurting and her back had started a slow ache, all she wanted to do was deal with whoever it was then get back to work.

When the rounded the corner she saw a group of nurses gathered around someone she couldn't see. "Okay ladies, unless you want to take my husband home you might want to step away from him."

When the crowd parted it was all she could do not to collapse as Ron stepped from the group and moved toward her picking her up and kissing her passionately.

Pulling back from her lips he whispered in her ear, "go with this and well talk when we get out of here."

With his arm still wrapped around her he turned to face the women still standing around staring at them. "Ladies, as you can see I've missed my wife very much, so we'll be going now, I'm sure that no one won't mind taking her shift right?"

Lena's eyebrows rose as she looked at several women who volunteered. Sighing she leaned into Ron's shoulder, "these are the same women who've been calling me slut for the last few months, enter the best looking man they've ever seen and suddenly they want to do me favors."

Ron laughed and pulled her close, "you're going to tell me everything when we get home, do you understand?"

She nodded and smiled at the ladies, "thank you so much, I've been waiting for this day for so long, come on sweetheart, I've missed you so much."

Ron wrapped his arm around her shoulder and put his hand over his stomach, "well you've certainly grown since the last time I saw you." As if the baby could agree with him it kicked hard against his hand causing Lena to grunt.

She grabbed Ron's hand and moved it. "Sorry, he seems not to like being petted and I prefer not to be kicked."

They walked the two blocks to her apartment in silence and Ron watched her from the corner of his eye. She looked terrible and he was almost sure she wasn't taking care of herself.

Opening the door they entered and she headed to the kitchen, "do you want coffee Ron?"

His arms going around her waist startled her. "I want you to go sit down and I'll do this." He pushed her into the chair and finished the coffee. He finally sat down across from her, "so you want to tell me what the hell was going on today."

"Not really so why don't you tell me what you are doing here? The last letter I got you said you were heading back to England with your wife."

"Yeah well it turns out that my wife had another husband so I'm not married anymore and the Army seemed as good a place as any. I'm on leave right now and I thought I would come see you. By the looks of you it's a damn good thing I did. What the hell have you done to yourself?"

The tears leaked from her eyes, "I've not done anything, it's just things have been so hard. The way people have treated me and then working full time, I'm just always tired. I'm sorry I didn't mean to spill on this on you."

"It's okay, so what is the deal with this doctor?"

"How do you know about him?"

He shrugged, "the nurses were talking and well I've seen the bruises on your arm, what's he been doing to you?"

"He's not done anything he just didn't believe I was married and wanted to make me his mistress."

She saw his eyes grow dark and his jaw tense. "Ron please don't I need this job."

"Lena, why didn't you wear your wedding band to keep them off you?"

She kind of blushed, "well my fingers have been so swollen the last two months I can't get it on and oh I don't know. I'm just so happy to see you again. I'm sorry about your wife."

Laughing he shrugged, "I'm not, I'm sad she kept all the loot I sent but I'm glad she's gone, it wouldn't have worked out any way. So I'm going to be here for the next two weeks and you and I are going to come up with a plan. So where's the guest bedroom and I'll put my bag in there."

She giggled, "does this place look big enough to have two bedrooms. You'll sleep with me just like always."

Getting up she missed the flash in his eyes at the mention of sleeping with her again. "I hope you don't mind, I need to lie down and then I'll start diner."

"No go ahead and go lie down and when you get up we'll go out to dinner like a husband taking his wife out."

She giggled again and kissed his cheek. "I've missed you so much; it's good to see you again."

He watched her go into the other room and took a deep breath. Seeing her again reminded him just how much he'd missed her and he now had a mission; take care of her and the baby.

She had no idea how long she'd slept, but it was the best sleep she'd had in months. Just knowing Ron was here somehow made everything okay. It was probably bad for her to depend on him so much and not fair to him. She'd discuss that with him when they had dinner tonight.

Swinging her feet to the edge of the bed the stabbing pain that went through her stomach and back had her grasping for air. Panting she waited for the pain to pass. Slowly as it passed she got to her feet and started for the bedroom door, she was half way there when the rush of water soaked her dress and legs.

The scream from the bedroom brought Ron out of the chair where he'd been dozing and moving in the direction of the scream. Pushing the door open he saw Lena standing in the middle of the floor her dress wet and sticking to her and her face pale as a ghost. "Lena, what's wrong?"

"Ron, oh my God, my water just broke, it's too early, I still have another month, this can be…" Another pain had her bending over and grasping for breath. She felt his arms come around her and the pain faded again. There was no mistaking it, she was in labor. When she looked up she saw the same fear she was feeling reflected in his eyes.

"We've got to go to the hospital, we can't wait and it's too soon."

"Okay baby, stay calm and let's go I'll get a taxi and it's going to be fine, just relax, we don't want to rush this any faster."

She leaned heavily on him so grateful for his presence, because right now she wasn't sure she'd have been able to handle it without him. She closed her eyes and tried to breathe letting him lead her down the stairs and into the taxi. She didn't even realize they were back at the hospital until Ron started using his commander's voice to get things done.

Once she was on the gurney and being wheeled down the hall she held his hand for as long as she could. "Ron I'm scared, please stay with me, I'm so scared."

He stopped them and bent over her whispering in her ear, "don't be scared, you're going to be fine and when this is done you're going to have a beautiful son and I'm going to be right here waiting."

Kissing her on the head he watched them wheel her into a delivery room and he headed for the waiting room hoping that what he'd just told her would be the truth.

Screaming she tried to bear down and push the baby from her. She had no idea how long this had been going on, but if she'd been tired before exhausted didn't even begin to describe this.

The nurse closest to her wiped her forehead with a damp rag, "it's okay sweetie, just little more, he's a stubborn little devil, but if you give us just two more good pushes he'll be out."

Nodding her head she cursed silently the day she'd ever met Lewis Nixon. Bearing down one last time the final scream escaped her and she collapsed back onto the bed hearing the soft cries of a baby.

"Oh you did well honey, its a little boy and wait to you see him, I've never seen such a pretty child."

It was a boy, a little boy; well at least she had been right about that. She couldn't keep her eyes open any longer and she was so exhausted, the vague noises from the room surrounding her.

"Doctor we have a problem I can't get the bleeding to stop, we need to get her into surgery immediately."

The dazed brain her surgery but they couldn't be talking about her, could they? Opening her eyes she saw Robbie and Frank standing next to the bed. The tears leaking from her eyes, "please I don't want to die now. My life is just starting, don't take me away from my baby, he doesn't have anyone."

_"Shh, close your eyes baby and know that when you wake up everything will be okay. I've never lied to you and I'm not about to start now. Close your eyes, oh by the way, you have a beautiful son."_

Ron felt like it had been days since he slept. The surgery had gone well and Lena was alive, but would never have more children. Rubbing his face all he wanted was for her to wake up and see her son.

Smiling he thought about the little boy in the nursery. Since they thought he was the father he'd been able to hold him and he was beautiful, a full head of black hair and Lena's amber colored eyes, oh yeah he was going to grow up to be a heartbreaker.

Reaching out he took her hand and this time he felt her tighten on his hand. "Lena, come on baby open your eyes." Holding his breath he laughed when she did and finally focused on him. "Welcome back sweetheart, let me get the nurse there is someone who is anxious to see you."

Lena nodded her head and tried to figure out what had happened, she so tired. When Ron came back into the room he was followed by a nurse carrying something in her arms. She watched fascinated as Ron took the bundle and came to the bed placing it in her arms.

Looking down at the bundle she smiled, here was the reason she was so tired. He was beautiful. Looking up she met Ron's eyes, "I did it, he's all mine, I did well didn't I?"

Looking at the nurse he glared till the woman left the room and then turned to smile at her. "Yes you did. So this little man needs a name, have any in mind."

Smiling down at her son she brushed his black hair across his head, "yeah Robert Lewis Grant."

Ron grinned, "let me guess he'll be called Robbie?"

Grinning like a fool, "oh yeah, that he will. Come on Ron, doesn't he look like a Robbie to you."

Ron looked down on the boy as if trying to assess if that was a good name or not. "Yeah I do believe he does."

Looking at her son, "well I guess the good news is how much he looks like you at least no one will question you being the father."

For once he was grateful she was looking at him. He felt his chest tighten and the anger toward Nixon grow, if not for Nixon that would have been his son in her arms. Sighing instead he kissed her head, "you're right, everything is going to be just fine.

**Oh gees, so what do you guys think about the twist of feelings on Ron's part? I won't say any more for fear of giving something very important away for the next chapter. This is by the way the second to last chapter, so I should be updating in about a week with 18. I can't wait to hear everyone's reactions to it. :)**

**As always, a HUGE thank you to captain ty for writing this marvelous piece of fiction. Without her, this would never have become what it was. Also, a really big thank you and hug to everyone who has been reviewing this story. We really appreciate it and hope that you continue to like it despite the twists and turns that are still to come. :)**

**And last of all: No disrespect is meant to any of the wonderful men on which this story is based. We only own the characters and plot points that you don't recognize. :)**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

_Ron looked down on the boy as if trying to assess if that was a good name or not. "Yeah I do believe it does."_

_Looking at her son, "well I guess the good news is how much he looks like you at least no one will question you being the father."_

_For once he was grateful she wasn't looking at him. He felt his chest tighten and the anger toward Nixon grew, if not for Nixon that would've been his son in her arms. Sighing instead he kissed her head, "you're right, everything is going to be just fine._

_1947_

Lena sat staring at the now cold diner across from her. Ron had told her he would be home in time to celebrate Robbie's birthday and once again he failed to show. Sighing she got up and started to clear away the remains of the diner knowing when he finally got home he wouldn't eat or would've already eaten.

Over the last few months their relationship had become more strained than normal with Ron coming home later and later and often times she could smell the alcohol. She never said anything but it broke her heart. He'd given up so much for them and over the last eighteen months and she'd done everything to try and make him happy.

They slept in separate rooms, her sharing one with Robbie mainly at Ron's insistence. He hadn't wanted to wake the baby when he left early. They attended all the social functions as husband and wife, her wearing her original wedding band, him wearing none. But she realized that with the stress level rising between them, they were reaching the end of the agreement and she was going to have to do something.

She couldn't put her finger on what exactly had happened, but she had a sneaking suspension it had something to do with the nasty wife of one of the other officers. They had been at a cookout and she'd been playing with Robbie, Ron beside her when the wife of a fellow officer had remarked that it really was a shame that Robbie didn't look more like Ron, maybe the next child would. She'd felt Ron tense beside her and then look away from her without commenting. The comment had hurt not only for the fact the child wasn't Ron's but the fact there would never be a chance to give him one.

The rest of the day he'd drunk whiskey after whiskey, making her grateful they could walk home, where he'd passed out on the couch without ever saying a word to her. The next morning he'd been gone when she got up and they'd never spoke about the incident.

She knew it was hard on him trying to pass Robbie off as his son. The boy didn't look like either of them with the exception of the amber colored eyes which couldn't be mistaken for anyone's except hers. Otherwise he resembled Lewis Nixon in every way, but he was such a sweet little boy.

He'd slept through the night almost at once and he loved Ron more than words could describe. In fact he's first words had been to Ron, calling him DaDa. She'd never seen Ron Speirs cry except for that one moment as he had held the tiny boy against him.

Tonight her heart had broken when he'd been playing with his cake and asked for DaDa. Ron loved Robbie as well and it was going to hurt both of them when she left, but she had to do something to save all of them.

Being an officer's wife was making her crazy, the other wives were catty and mean and there was no way she could go back to work with Robbie not in school, then there was Ron. Getting up she went and poured herself a glass of wine and decided to wait on him.

She'd packed a bag with the basics they needed and she had money enough for them to live off of until she found another job. Closing her eyes she leaned her head against the back of the couch. Ron was either an enigma or a saint. She knew that unless he was going out of town there wasn't another woman and he didn't sleep with her. Smiling she remembered the nights sleeping with him when she would wake and feel his breath on her neck, his arousal pressing against her. Sighing she recalled the kiss they'd shared in Zell Am See.

She had to admit it; she wanted him in the worst way. Hell even women had desires and living with a man like him was starting to test her limits. Taking a drink of wine she sat the glass down and closed her eyes recalling the kiss and running her own hands down her chest wishing desperately it was him. Licking her lips she pressed her legs together trying to relieve the ache she was feeling. She was so lost in her feelings that she failed to hear the door open and close.

The last thing Ron had expected to find was her sitting on the couch, her head thrown back, rubbing her own breast and squeezing her legs together. He clutched the present in his hands harder in an effort to not move toward her. He'd been fighting to stay away from her for the last three months, denying himself what he wanted most. Licking his lips he tried to decide what the best way to make her stop before he came in his pants.

The voice inside his head simpered in his ear, _"why does she have to stop, join her, she is dying for someone just like you are. Take her now while she is hot and willing, why wait?"_ Why wait indeed, well he knew the reason why, he knew who she wanted. He could be a substitute for many things, that wasn't going to be one of them.

Sitting the present on the table he quietly made his way to his bedroom, he knew if she opened her eyes and he saw the lust and desire in them that he would weaken and ruin everything. Closing the door quietly behind him he cursed himself for being a fool. He was in love with a woman who didn't feel anything but gratitude for him.

Not finding relief in the daydream Lena groaned and sat up straight. Looking at the clock she growled in her chest, where the hell was he? She could understand if he was upset with her, but disappointing Robbie was the last straw. Getting up to get another glass of wine she saw the present sitting on the table. Gasping she realized he must have come in and, she dropped her head. He'd seen her on the couch and passed on by. The stabbing pain in her chest up till now had been a dull ache, now it was unbearable.

This couldn't go on between them. She sat her glass down and headed for his bedroom door, knocking softly.

She heard noise from within the room and then the door was opening and he was standing in nothing but his boxers. "What's wrong Lena? I'm tired and I don't want to fight about why I was late, I just was and tomorrow is an early day so can this wait?"

She pulled her eyes away from his chest and licked her lips, for a moment she could have sworn she heard him grown. "Yes, but Ron I really need to talk to you, so could you come home early tomorrow, please?"

She watched his eyes darken further and when he spoke his voice was a low growl, "fine, I'll be here just leave me the hell alone tonight." Not waiting for her answer he shut the door in her face. Putting her hand softly on the door she let the tears come, this made the decision to leave a little easier at least. Turning away she headed back to her room. Picking up Robbie she put him in bed with her and cried herself to sleep.

He'd been pacing for the last thirty minutes and hated himself even more. He'd seen the hurt in her eyes before he closed the door and there was no excuse for what he'd said. Sighing he opened the door and went down the hallway to hers. Pushing the door open he saw she put Robbie in bed with her and was curled around him holding him close. Sighing to walked closer to the bed and saw tiny amber eyes starting up at him. He couldn't help but smile when the two arms reached for him.

Carefully he bent down and picked Robbie up holding him close. The little boy's arms wrapped around his neck and his soft baby kisses reminded Ron how long of a day it'd been.

Trying to put him back down Robbie tightened his hold on his neck, "no dada, go with you."

Swallowing hard he knew he couldn't take the boy back to his room without scaring Lena in the morning nor could he sleep with her. Trying one more time to put Robbie back in bed he was only succeeded in getting a firmer 'no' out of the boy.

Giving up he crawled into bed with Lena, trying to put Robbie between them, but Robbie decided he preferred his favorite sleeping position, on Ron's chest. Beside him he felt Lena reach out and brush his arm, her soft sigh followed as she scooted closer to him in her sleep. He clenched his jaws together when her leg came over his brushing against him. He felt himself harden at her touch the memories of her on the couch tormenting him further. God it was going to be a long night.

Lena had been nervous all day and that energy had carried over into Robbie who at this moment was testing her limits. He'd been cranky all day and now didn't want to go to sleep. She had about twenty more minutes before Ron came home and whatever happened between them she didn't want Robbie to hear.

Finally as she was about to give up hope she felt his dead weight against her. Softly putting him in his crib she brushed his hair with her fingers and then headed out to the living room to wait on Ron. She wasn't disappointed when he walked in ten minutes later, his foul mood from last night still present.

Sitting down across from her he folded his arms across his chest, "alright, so what's so important that I had to rush home on a Friday night to talk to you?" The last said with so much venom she had to dig her nails in her palms to keep from crying.

"Well that is what I wanted to talk to you about. You've been so good to me and Robbie for these last months and I think we've worn out our welcome. I'm better now and can work again so I think it would be better it I moved back to Washington."

Ron could only stare at her feeling the knife plunge into his heart. She was leaving him, after everything she was still walking away. Remaining silent he watched as she got to her feet and began to pace showing how nervous she really was.

"So I gave it some thought and you could tell everyone my mother was sick and that was why I had to move back home and well that would cover me being gone, and well anyway, I'm leaving tonight so no one sees me go."

He was on his feet before he could think, "what the hell do you mean you're leaving tonight? You're taking my son away from me after everything I've done for you. How could you be so cruel?"

Her voice and eyes were completely flat when she turned to him, "he'd not your son and I can't stay here anymore. As long as I'm here you'll never be free to find someone to love and I can't stand hurting you anymore."

His hands gripped her shoulders pulling her close and his lips on her cut off any further arguments. He searched her mouth with his tongue, moaning when he felt her hands grip his shirt and pull him close. The pain of her leaving was like a whip driving him on, he had to have her just this once.

Pulling back from her lips he gazed down on her face waiting for her eyes to open. Seeing the glow in her eyes he mistook it for anger at his actions. "Fine, but for tonight, just this once, can you give me the comfort I need?"

She watched his eyes and saw the sadness mixing with desire. She felt her own heart rate accelerate as she felt the desire begin to course through her veins. But she had to hear him say the words so there would be no misunderstanding, "and what would that be?"

Ron pulled her close again and kissed her with all the passion he felt for her, continuing to kiss her cheeks, her neck and her jaw. Pausing he whispered in her ear, "oh, I think you know."

Pulling back from him she quickly removed her dress and stood naked before him waiting. Even if it was only for one night she would have him and it would give her something to hold close when the nights were long. "Yes, Ron I know what you want, it's what I've been wanting to give you for a long time."

Bending he picked her up in his arms and carried her to bed. Lena was lost in a sea of emotions. Part of her was elated that he was touching her being with her in a way she'd only dreamed of, but so sad that it wouldn't last. His hands and mouth seemed to be everywhere setting her body on fire. She didn't even recognize her own voice as she begged him to take her.

Ron wanted it to last, but when she begged him to take her and calling his name his clothes disappeared from his body like they'd never been there and he was pulling her body underneath his. Positioning himself at her entrance he tried to slow down. "I'll go easy sweetheart, I know it's been a while."

Grabbing a handful of his hair she held him steady as she nipped his neck leaving a bruise. "No I don't want it easy, I want you inside me now." It had never been this way with Lew, there had been passion, but this was passion mixed with the love she felt for him.

He surged inside her swallowing her scream of pleasure with his kiss and her mouth absorbing his moans. As he continued to move inside her he felt her nails score his shoulders. Pulling his head away from her mouth he grabbed her arms by the wrist and held them over her head.

The sweat coated both of their bodies and with each stroke she gripped him tighter. Looking down on her he squeezed her wrist tighter making her open her eyes. The yellow tint to the amber had to be the sexiest thing he'd ever seen and bending down he growled in her ear, "scream my name, just one more time."

When he growled in her ear she felt herself split apart in release screaming his name as she came. Ron followed her with a low growl in the side of her neck then his hands released her wrist and his weight eased down onto her. Holding him close she ran her hands down his back enjoying the feel of his body covering hers.

He slid from her body and pulled her to his side holding her close. He was fighting sleep, not wanting to let one moment of this pass, but he knew he was losing the battle. He thought he heard her whisper something as he lost the battle with sleep.

Lena felt his arm start to relax around her and kissed his chest, tasting the salt on his skin. Whispering the words she had wanted to say earlier, "I love you Ron."

When she was completely sure he was asleep she slid from his limp grasp and quickly went to dress, grabbing the bags she set them outside the door and called the taxi. Quickly bundling a very sleepy Robbie up she crept back to Ron's door and looked at him one last time. Robbie was going to be so hurt tomorrow when he woke up and DaDa wasn't here, but she knew in her heart it was better she be hurt and a little pain now that it hurting worse when he left them later.

Seeing the lights from the taxi outside she quickly left the house and locked the door behind her.

_1948_

Entering the noisy banquet hall she tried to search for someone she knew or at least an empty chair. Robbie was starting to get just a little heavy to carry. It was hard to believe it had been almost three years since she'd seen these men and things had changed for everyone.

"Well hello pretty lady, are you looking for someone special or will I do."

Turning she found Buck standing behind her grinning. "Buck, oh my you look wonderful. I'm so glad I found a friendly face."

Buck bent to kiss her cheek as he was given a evil look from the little boy in her arms. "Well I can see that things have really changed for you. So you got married again and had a baby, that's great."

Managing to hold the smile, "well you got half of it right, I did have a baby. Robbie can you say hello to Buck?"

Buck smiled at the little boy in her arms; unfortunately Robbie wasn't having it and buried his face in Lena's neck.

"Sorry, he can be shy sometimes; do you think we could sit somewhere?"

Buck nodded and led her to a table where they could talk. "So you said you didn't get married and let's see that little man is what, almost three?"

Sighing, "Buck why don't you just ask me what you're dying to know?"

"Okay then, who is the proud Papa?"

Lena laughed, "you can't tell?" When Buck shook his head no she laughed again, "good that means no one else here can either."

"So you're not going to tell me?"

"Nope, I think I owe someone else an explanation first." She finally spotted Lew standing with Dick. He looked the same as he had the last time she saw him and it made her smile.

As she was staring at him, Lew turned and looked her way. She saw the shock on his face. It was quickly replaced with a smirk and he started to walk her way. Glancing at Buck, "you might want to leave I'll find you later."

Buck glanced up as Lew came to the table, "yeah you know I think you're right, I'll catch you later."

Lew sat in the seat Buck had just left and smiled at her. "You look beautiful Lena and you look happy."

"You too Lew, did Vat come up with a special blend or something?"

He laughed, "nah, I've met the most wonderful woman, have even stopped drinking. I'm working on convincing her to marry me, but hey she's a hard sell."

Reaching across the table she took his hand, "Lew I'm so happy for you. I'd like you to meet my son Robbie."

"Wow Lena, I didn't know you'd gotten married again. Will he come to me?"

The moment Lew held out his arms Robbie crawled into them hugging his neck. "You look like my dada."

In that moment Lena wished the ground would open up and swallow her, this was going to be so much harder than she'd thought.

Ron didn't want to be here, but had come on the outside chance that maybe, just maybe Lena might have come. They were holding it in Washington and he knew she'd moved back her to live. Since the morning he'd woken up alone he'd found life was empty and boring and he missed both of them terribly. He'd convinced a friend to keep an eye on them and send him updates.

Yet when he did finally see her he felt his whole world collapse. She was sitting with Lew and Lew was holding Robbie. He'd waited too late, they were together again and he'd lost her forever. Not moving he stood watching her even though every time he saw her touch Lew is was like a knife cutting out another piece of his soul.

"So you see Lew I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how and then time passed and, all I can do is ask your forgiveness. Please Lew, don't try to take him from me, he's all I have."

She watched as Lew tried to absorb the fact he'd just become a father. "Okay, you have a point, I don't want hurt you. There has been enough of that to last a life time, but you have to agree to let me see him and at least be very rich Uncle Lew."

Lena laughed and felt her whole body relax. "That would be great and I'd love for you and Grace to know him. He really is a wonderful boy."

Lew grinned, "yep, glad to see the old Nixon charm is still a hereditary trait."

Just as she was about to kiss his cheek, Robbie went tense in Lew's arms and started to scream, "dada, dada, I want dada."

Lena jerked her head up and looked to where Robbie was pointing to see Ron standing with his hands in his pockets. Bending back down to say something to Lew she took Robbie back and started walking toward Ron.

"You came I was hoping you'd be here." Robbie was making in difficult to talk as he twisted and wriggled in her grasp trying to get to Ron. Finally he held his arms out to Ron, "dada, up. Robbie want up."

Ron took the boy from Lena and held him close. Closing his eyes he absorbed the warmth and love Robbie was giving him, knowing this would probably be the last time he could hold him.

When he looked up Lew had his arm around Lena's shoulders and stood watching them. "Ron I want to thank you for taking care of Robbie and I can't think of a better father than you."

Lew patted him on the shoulder and walked away leaving the two of them staring silently at one another.

Ron cleared his throat, "he knows?"

"Yes, I told him and he's agreed to be a very rich uncle who spoils him and nothing more. Lew has met someone and is in love, neither one of us want to ruin that."

Ron nodded, "I know you're probably hurt and I'm sorry about that." He could only stare at her in shock as she started to laugh.

"I'm only going to be hurt if you tell me you don't want us?"

"Huh?! You left me, why would you think I wouldn't want you?"

Stepping forward she cupped his face in her hands, "Ron I was stupid when I left you. I realized that I was in love with you and couldn't bear the fact you didn't love me, but in the six months we've been apart I realized, you've always loved me I was just too stupid to see it. So now I'm asking you, do you still want us, because we are a package deal."

Picking her up with his free arm, his lips covered hers and he groaned when Robbie began to tug at his hair. "No dada, kiss me." Turning he kissed the little boy in his arms causing him to laugh as the stubble from his beard tickled his face. Turning to face Lena with his eyes dark with desire, "I'll make sure to take good care of you later."

When she winked at him he saw the yellow tint enter her amber eyes, "I certainly hope so, I've got a lot of built of tension for six months."

Pulling her into his side he kissed her again. "I love you Lena."

Smiling and wrapping her arms around his waist, "I love you more."

**So, obviously many secrets in this one and I really hope that you enjoyed those as much as I did. I liked the fact that up until two chapters ago, it was only ever going to be Lena and Nix, but Ron wormed his way into mine and Ty's hearts so we just had to switch things around on everyone. :) Leave a review, please, if you liked it. I can't wait to hear everyone's thoughts and thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter. It was very much appreciated. :)**


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